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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was really insensitive

14 replies

mum80 · 22/02/2012 09:26

So I have recently found out I am pregnant. Not planned but I was getting quite excited about it. Dh not so keen but fully supportive. However, I have been experiencing some spotting so naturally I am concerned I will lose this pregnancy.
So dh comes from from work and announces that he is thinking of getting a vasectomy to avoid any more accidents. He knows I have been bleeding but tbf probably doesn't realise how concerned I am.
Is he being completely insensitive or about I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/02/2012 09:27

You are being too sensitive - understandably so, mind you.

ripsishere · 22/02/2012 09:29

If he doesn't realise how concerned you are, you should tell him. People are not mind readers.
I do think you are BU a bit. He is being sensible I think.
Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

PopcornBiscuit · 22/02/2012 09:37

YANBU. Any more "accidents" are obviously not going to happen while you're pregnant so he can wait a bit.

Original poster
mum80 · 22/02/2012 09:39

I suppose the reason I am so upset is because if I miscarry that will be it. When I miscarried before at least I had the comfort of knowing that we could try again.
I also lost my mum 6 months ago so I suppose I am still emotional about that.

OP posts:
JerichoStarQuilt · 22/02/2012 09:40

I'm sorry you're having this worry.

I'm not sure reasonable/unreasonable comes into it - you need to have a serious talk about how you feel about this pregnancy.

Good luck.

fuzzPigwickPapers · 22/02/2012 09:46

I can see how it comes across as insensitive and I totally understand your reasons for not wanting him to have it done - I feel exactly the same.

However you need to sit down with him and tell him precisely how you feel and why, as he may not see it that way.

york67 · 22/02/2012 09:49

Sitting down and having a talk is good advice.
You are on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and I can understand how stressed and emotional you must be.

duckdodgers · 22/02/2012 11:35

Sorry about your Mum Sad

Lots of issues going on for you here, I hope everything works out for you. How many chidlren do you have already and had you previously discussed your DH having a vasectomy?

maddening · 22/02/2012 12:40

if you want more children and dh doesn't then it's def a sit down and chat moment.

Yanbu - dh was insensitive to be like that when you are worried that you are mc.

Hope your bean is nice and snug and it's just random spotting. So sorry for your losses

Ephiny · 22/02/2012 13:40

I can understand you feeling sensitive about such a comment. I agree it's a good idea to sit down and talk - tell him how concerned you are about possible m/c, and how you're feeling. He should be there to support you right now.

You might have to be prepared though that whatever happens with this pregnancy, he might want to go ahead with the vasectomy to prevent a similar 'accident' in the future.

imnotmymum · 22/02/2012 13:43

His reaction to have vasectomy is probably to protect you from worrying and being concerned He loves you and wants you to be happy talk to him and he will be just as concerned as you are but men are totally more practical well that generalising but ...talk to him

EauDeLaPoisson · 22/02/2012 13:49

Shitty timing but could he have felt you have 'tricked' him into the pregnancy? I am fully aware it takes two to make a baby but if for instance he has been using condoms/you have been on the pill and he knows you are keen for more children he may feel it wasn't quite an accident?
It could be his way of saying 'im not allowing the chance for an accident to occur again' albeit at a shitty time.

Original poster
mum80 · 23/02/2012 14:08

We already have 2 children and had decided to stop at 2.
Feeling a bit better now as bean is ok. Found and heartbeat and measuring ok.
Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Bellstar · 23/02/2012 14:12

Exactly how did op "trick" dh into getting her pregnant then? presumably if the dh was so adamant that he didnt want any more dcs then he should have taken himself off for the snip-no?

Op-I am glad that your pregnancy seems to be continuing. I think your dh was a huge twat for saying that too you at such a time and I would be telling him so-but thats just meGrin

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