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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a bit hurt about these really small things?

12 replies

lukeiamyourmother · 21/02/2012 21:36

I think my friend is phasing me out. I used to see alot of her but since I couldn't make it to her wedding (destination wedding, in term time, and way out of our budget) I have barely seen her. Maybe once every 2 months compared to twice a month. I've tried to make contact but shes always very busy and does have a wedding to plan after all. I try to ask her about it but she's very vague :(

I embroider. She has never shown an interest at all which is fair enough, not everyone likes it. But now she has taken it up (I know through friends) and has not even come to me to talk about it. I'm abit hurt as I'd really love to talk to her about it, just chit chat things and comparing projects over a cup of tea sort of thing.

Also I mentioned zumba a long time ago and she wasn't keen so I go with someone else to a local group. I now know she goes with another group of mutual friends and hasnt mentioned it to me either. I dont want to know every nuance of her day but these are obvious joint interests.

AIBU to be hurt, feel a bit phased out and ease off her to avoid awkwardness. I've been invited to her hen night which I am really looking forward to. So consensus : Am I being paranoid? Im not a very needy person, I haven't chased her. But these two very 'small' things seem quite significant.

OP posts:

wholovesyou · 21/02/2012 22:02

I think you are being phased out, sorry. Maybe because you cant make it to the wedding. The zumba thing, perhaps she forgot you said. The embroidery thing is less widespread so yeah I think she's prob avoiding you on that front. All in all the lack of contact is the main sign.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 21/02/2012 22:05

I think I would be a bit hurt too in your position but am not sure she is phasing you out. Like you say she will be really busy organizing the wedding so that could be the reason she is not is contact as much.

runningwilde · 21/02/2012 22:43

She doesn't sound like a very good friend and if she is doing this because you could not go to te wedding she is being very crappy Indeed! I would concentrate on your other friends and leave her to it. She is not worth it is she?

Original poster

lukeiamyourmother · 21/02/2012 22:44

I thought it might be the wedding at first. She is seeing alot of our friends who are able to go even more than before. I suppose we will see after the wedding but I feel its gone on so long now, there cant be any coming back from this. The absences of contact are really long. It can take her up to 3 weeks to text me back, but she see's our other friends 3 or 4 times a week. And if we cant even discuss our shared love of embroidery, what is there!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 22:46

Not texts again

Why oh why oh why oh why do people not pick up a phone and actually speak to each other?

Original poster

lukeiamyourmother · 21/02/2012 22:52

Some people are text people, worrability. I wouldn't expect to pick up the phone to every MN-etter to speak to them so I use text here. Whats the difference.

She rarely answers her phone to anyone.

OP posts:

whatwhatinthewhatnow · 21/02/2012 22:57

That is true actually. We cant have a go at people for texting their mates instead of talking to them when every night here we type away at people we don't even know!! Anyway yes you are being phased out. Get nicer friends.

ImperialBlether · 21/02/2012 22:57

I think she sounds as though she's got a bit above herself with the wedding. It can make otherwise normal people go crazy. She is probably offended because you are not going - did you not realise it's the event of the century?

Her other friends are more than likely just not as brave as you, so they're going to be there. Realistically, who the hell wants to spend hundreds or thousands of pounds to go to someone's wedding?

I'd leave her to it. When the shine has gone from her wedding and her embroidered roses look like cabbages, she'll come back, don't worry.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 22:59

There's a lot of difference

She's supposed to be your real life friend

Talk to her!

troisgarcons · 21/02/2012 23:01

Perhaps - and this is radical ...she's preoccupied with planning her wedding and all purious conversation is o the back burner?

I realise in MN world that every delay in immediately returning a text/email/eye contact/letter/thankyou card/RSVP is some social slight BUT back in reality ...... the world doesnt revolve round you, or me, or Uncle Tom Cobbley.

ifeelloved · 21/02/2012 23:01

Am with Worra

knittynoodle · 21/02/2012 23:06

If shes got time for some and not for others, I'd say it was a snub. And if shes got time to embroider shes certainly got time to answer a text or pick up the phone.

I understand why you are hurt. Especially if you asked her to zumba and she is now doing it with others instead. Thats a bit

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