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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disappointing DS

21 replies

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 11:36

DS has just emailed asking us to see him do someting special at school tomorrow. DH will be away, but has answered saying, he'll try to- there is no way he'll be there, it would break the laws of physics!

I will be there, with DDs and 3 grandparents- he won't notice his Dad, but he will now- I know DH has only said he'll try and be there because he'd love to.

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/02/2012 11:39

Part and parcel of being a parent sadly, we will on ocassion disappoint our kids. Your DS has a good turn out, sometimes my DS has to do stuff with no one there at all - I actually think it is good for our kids to know that the our world does not always revolve around them and sometimes these things cant be helped.

Just enjoy being there yourself - your DS will be fine. Crumbs...3 GP's - lucky kid!

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 11:40

How old is your son?

Old enough to understand that his Dad has to work and that having his Mum, siblings and 3 grandparents is quite a lot of family to have at the event?

Perhaps your DH was caught on the hop so to speak.

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 11:44

I think Ds, who is 11 will delighted to see us all there, but be expecting to see dad too.

DH is gutted to miss it, hence telling him he'll try. I won't point out he shouldn't have told him he'll try.

OP posts:

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 11:46

He'll only be expecting him because DH told him he'll try, BTW

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/02/2012 11:47

But he only said he would try, not that he would def be there. At 11 your DS is old enough to understand. I just explain to my 9 year old DS that mummy and daddy cant be there as we have to work - he is an only child and has no grandparents so if we're not there no one is. As long as he knows we wont be there he is fine and to be honest, when we can make it, it makes it extra special to us.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2012 11:48

If he is 11, surely he understands that it wouldnt be possible... .. and you already seem to have a huge entourage there anyway... YABU

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 11:51

IABU, I know, it's just that if DH hadn't told him he'd be there, he wouldn't expect him; it takes the gloss off the excessive entourage.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 11:52

He hasn't told him he'll be there

mrspepperpotty · 21/02/2012 12:07

No, but why tell him he might be there if he definitely won't?

YANBU.

Thumbwitch · 21/02/2012 12:12

Gosh I'm glad this thread turned out to be about your DS being disappoinTED, and not disappoinTING!

Your DH was probably trying to avoid upsetting your DS at this stage; yes, it's a bit silly to give false hope but I suppose it saves your DS several hours of being upset that he won't be. I don't think I would have done it, but I can bet DH would.

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 12:26

definitely disappointing as verb.

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 21/02/2012 12:28

What thumb witch said. My Dh would do the same if caught on the hop.

diddl · 21/02/2012 12:39

Surely he´ll be hoping, not expecting to see his Dad?

dandelionss · 21/02/2012 12:40

when we were kids , dads never came to anything .they were always working.
We survived.

tribpot · 21/02/2012 12:44

But the thread's not really about whether dads should be at school things, or whether working parents should for that matter. The point is, the OP's ds has been told his dad will try to be there, even though this means the ds' feelings are going to be hurt on the day. Mainly, I suspect, because the dad doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' in advance and explain he can't be there. Which I think is unfair on the ds.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2012 12:46

but he is 11... plenty old enough to understand that his dad is just saying it to be nice.... if he were 5 I could see it, even 7..

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/02/2012 12:46

The key word being "try"...therefore dad can say to DS that he tried but unfortunately couldnt make it!

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 12:50

tribpot has it dad doesn't want to be the 'bad guy' and to be fair he'd love to be there, I guess I just feel a little sad that it'll take the gloss off the very good show of support he will have.

Anyway, it'll be great.

Happy to PM on request what he's doing (stealth boast)

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 21/02/2012 13:24

He's 11. Three grandparents. Bring a camcorder and film it for his dad, this really isn't a big deal, but you sound like you are about to make it into one.

Original poster

Icanseebothsides · 21/02/2012 13:27

I'm not Flogging- I posted here instead of moaning to DH or GPs, I know we're very lucky to have GPs and also that DH is really sad to miss it. We'll have a great time, and DS will be thrilled to have us all there.

OP posts:

halcyondays · 21/02/2012 13:35

Better to be honest and say he'll be sorry to miss it, but he won't be able to come, than to give false hope. DH had to miss dd's sports day last year and we just explained to her in advance, she'd been hoping he'd be there, but she was fine with it on the day, and she is 5 and has Aspergers. She would have been far more upset if she'd been led to believe he might be there and then he wasn't.

I can't remember whether my parents were ever at school things or not, tbh.

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