To Wonder Why No-one Ever Recognises or Remembers Me?

[CaoNiMa]

This has been happening for years, but it's becoming more and more perplexing. (I'm a regular, but have name changed. Not that anyone would recognise me! )

No-one seems ever to remember or recognise me, despite having met me and (in many cases) spent a lot of time with me.

I live in an expatriate community in China, wear very distinctive black glasses, am tall, have a Liverpudlian accent, and dark red hair. Quite striking, you'd think. Seemingly not!

Some recent incidents:

1. I spent a whole evening drinking with an Irish guy who had come to take part in an event I was in. The following day, at the event, he came up and introduced himself to me, as if he'd never seen me before in his life.

1. I took part in a 24-hour theater event with work (I'm a writer), and met one of the other participants at a dinner a month or two later. She didn't bloody recognise me, despite our having spent 24 hours in close proximity!

1. As part of a group I help out with, I was introduced to another member to discuss some business over coffee one afternoon. At a group event last night, she introduced herself and shook my hand as if I was a total stranger.

Does anyone else have this, or is it just me being paranoid??

I would recommend that you remove your invisibility cloak next time you meet someone.

Do you wear your hair differently some days? That can really change a face.

My SIL is like this a bit. She doesn't have a very distinctive face, just sort of soft with no one feature that stands out. She looks completely different when she is going to work (she can't wear make up to work) and when she is going out.

I tend to wear my hair up in a ponytail all the time. I wear generally the same clothes from day to day.

Maybe it's my personality!

I'd like to think I'm relatively outspoken. Not meek and mild. Not a wallflower.

It's perplexing!

It is a bit weird if you always look the same. People always remember me though and I can never place them! I meet so many people and I am crap with names. Perhaps you're just meeting lots of people like me?

I sometimes get this, whenever I meet someone through work or dc school I'll introduce myself with a bit of extra info to jog someone's memory, like kids names or classes or my department at work. Or remember the last time we met, like that meeting was really boring or did you enjoy that training session... I have to try really hard at this as my memory is rubbish!

This sometimes happens to me (actually I think it probably happens to everyone - you've been unfortunate in having it happens several times on the trot!) some people are not very good at remembering faces and names - especially if they are out of context as it were (i.e. if you met someone for business, then bumped into them in a bar somewhere else)

If I recognise someone and see them looking vague, I say 'hello you're 'insert name' aren't you?, - we met at 'John's party', - I'm Kurri'

(and of course they probably think, 'O no not that awful woman' grin])

But you never know they probably just need a memory jog - it's nothing personally that you're doing wrong

Sometimes people do this because they think you don't know why they are. If you walk around looking a bit abstracted, maybe they think you don't recognize them and just go in with an introduction again? Most people I know react better if I start with 'hi, it's Jericho, we met at ///' - lots will say 'oh, yes, I remember' and a few obviously have completely forgotten. But if I don't say anything at all, they'll assume I don't know who they are and go for an introduction again.

weird op I could hav written your post. The same happens to me, has been all my life. I too am pretty 'distinctive' in appearance and am quite outgoing, even gregarious @ times. I've always wondered this but never articulated it before! I often wonder if it's because I'm only 5 feet small? Or is it because I don't fit a 'mould' so am discounted?
'tis v unnerving though, especially when I'm in a position of responsibility @ work and suddenly everyone knows who I am and needs my input!

My mum always complains about this but in her case I think it's because she has a very generic haircut dyed a very retired-middle-class-lady colour. Strangely, my face is like my mum's but people always seem to remember me or never notice when I get hair quite drastically cut. As for me....I'm hopeless with faces both in real life and on TV. If we're watching a film, if two characters have the same hair colour, I get confused.

very odd!!!!! but dont worry

I am the person who never remembers other people I have a terrible memory for names, etc. I have got used to looking for cues from others when I say hello as to whether I have met them before or not.

But its not personal at all. I think you have just been unlucky and its not at all personal - especially as you look distinctive.

The only people I seem to have no problem remembering are the horrors I want to avoid!

I bet you'd make a fab spy - that's what they look for apparently. Nice forgettable face. See if MI5 have any vacancies.

The inability to recognise faces is called prosopagnosia and can be really socially disabling. Have you just met lots of people with this condition OP? (unlikely but worth a try)! Anyway, I'd try not to worry too much. Your hair sounds beautiful btw.

I am the same as lesley. It's faces I struggle with recognising, let alone matching a name to them.

You should apply to work for MI5

YANBU. Try associating with some more considerate and polite people :)

I often remember faces, but can't always remember who they are and how I know them quite possibly because I was drunk at the time of meeting

But how unfortunate for you that it's happened so many times concurrently! Perhaps the other person in each instance was drunk?

I can't always remember having met people and it does insult them.

On the other hand, I often also think I know people that I have never met before, I say 'haven't we met?' only to be told no. This is equally as bad!

hardgoing - I do that - assume I have met people before!

OP -Some people find it genuinely difficult to recognise faces. Its not that we don't care, its just that I forget in my head what someone actually looked like after I have been away from them.

speshalbroo and OP - me too. In fact, I was just thinking yesterday that it seems to have got even worse recently and wondering if this is because I'm getting older as well.

I'm also quite outgoing personality-wise, though nothing special in the looks department.

Have you altered your behaviour? I tend to assume no one remembers me and start from there.

Am very excited that this means I could be a spy.

This happens to my older sister a lot, in fact, an embarrassing amount. I've been out with her chatting to new people, we've both been getting on fine with them then we've bumped into them later and they've said "Oh hi Cailin" and then looked blankly at my sister, waiting for an introduction. It is incredibly odd. She is pretty generic looking - pretty, blonde hair, no distinctive features - so that could be it, although she is quite chatty and outgoing so it's not like she's totally forgettable. I have no idea why it happens so much.

I am the opposite, I have the kind of face that people strongly think they have met before (but usually haven't), but unfortunately am awful at remembering other people's faces when we've chatted quite in-depthly.

I know I'm bad at eye contact, so will remember well what we've discussed but not them - maybe that's what's happening to you OP? They're concentrating on what you're saying, not what you look like?

I don't know why this has happened to you so much and it must be annoying, but it's possible that some of the people you met had face-blindness or something similar. I have very mild face-blindness. I don't automatically remember faces like other people apparently do - I have to remember new people by their clothes or hair or unusual features. It can be embarassing and it makes it hard to follow tv programs. Personally I eventually learn to recognise people if I see them enough, which I'm very thankful for - some people with face-blindness struggle to recognise close friends.

I was trying to explain what it's like to my friend, and we decided that two people who look vaguely similar to her look like identical twins to me. If there are two people in a group with similar hair, skin colour and rough face shape, I have to quietly play 'spot the difference' to figure out tiny differences between their nose lengths and eyebrow shapes and so on.

If I spent a day drinking with someone I wouldn't remember them again either!

LOL at Petisa!