to think Social Services are IDIOTS

[fedupnstressed]

Today had to make a hard phonecall to social services to ask for help and advice about my 13 yr old DD.
She was sexual abused when she was younger and this has never been dealt with via a counsellor.
She lives with her father (another long boring story).
The time has come that she needs help, she has recently started to display behaviour which is worrying.
She is using internet porn sites and pretending to be over age, some of the things she has said on these sites is disgusting and I have closed 2 of them down and tried to close the 3rd down but since she has managed to take out a subscription i have to phone up but the lines have been constantly busy for 2 whole days.
I called social services to ask for advice and family support. I live in another county so contacted the one local to my exh and DD. The social worker was so rude and arrogant. Apparently we should contact the police and report our DD has been expoited. Yet i am struggling to see where and why she is being exploited when she is actively going on these sites to hunt men down. They believe she is 18+.
It is also my fault, my exh fault as we should of had tighter control blah blah. Yet she has been very clever and gotten around her fathers home computers security. I have always had access to her email accounts and checked what she has done online. I havent checked since beginning of October. I checked just recently and found the most disgusting of sites.
As her parents EXH and I dont feel she is being exploited, we feel she has major issues with things of a sexual nature and needs therapy to come to terms with what she has been through. Every 6 months she speaks to me and we have a heart to heart about things and therapy is offered which she has always said she didnt think she needed....and because of this my EXH has declined to get her any help.

Social services havent helped, they just want to get the police involved and subject my DD to yet another police investigation. We dont feel this is in her best interests. She has been banned from the home computer and I have her laptop which we gave her for christmas and she isnt allowed it back until her father and I feel she can handle it.
Why cant social services just help, rather than throw blame at everyone, why not tell us where we can go to get additional support for the family. Exh is checking her phone tomorrow.

Social services pi$$ me right off. I so cant wait for them to call back tomorrow :( sigh

As well as what's already been advised, you could encourage your DD to contact ChildLine for anything she wants to talk about - whether that's the sexual abuse or anything else that's bothering her. Referrals can take a while, so it might be useful for the time being. Anything she says is confidential unless she asks them to tell someone or if they feel she is in immediate life-threatening danger. There's the phone helpline on 0800 1111 and also 1-2-1 chats and emails on the website.

Who on earth told you counselling affects the outcome of a court case I disclosed to police historic abuse in september and they got me counselling at rape crisis they offer it to girls and women 13 and over.

Can I just add that watching her email account won't work....if she can navigate round filters I will bet my life she can very easily set up new and secret email addresses

A good agency for this age group is 'young minds' sorry no link but google them

dottyspotty2, unfortunately that attitude is not unheard of, especially in cases where the victim is a child. The argument goes that they are less likely to have a conviction as the defense counsel will say that ideas were put into the child's head during counselling. It is fucked up and the system is awful enough for adults, never mind children, but there it is.

Its not going to stop her going now though she's better doing it now than have it fuck the next 30 yeras of her life or more rape crisis are brilliant.

No, she should definitely go now. I was just responding to your disbelief that counselling could affect the outcome of a court case.

I guess I'm going to be the only person to say this, but I did things like this at her age. I wasn't abused. I ran up a thousand pound phone bill calling sex chat lines. I don't know why I did it. Hormones? Boredom?

I don't think there's anything unusual about a teenager trying to get their hands on porn.

Maybe I sound crazy, but wouldn't it be better to treat her like a normal person, rather than a helpless victim? At some point - maybe now - she's going to become a sexual person. Could you talk to her about safer ways to develop this, rather than banning her from the internet, and possibly leading her on to much seedier, covert things?

cats i think you make a valid point about it sometimes being within the realms of normal teenage behaviour, however the fact she has been abused is very relevent not just to what she is doing here and now, but it is crucial she gets appropriate councelling for her future development, It is unimaginable the damage from childhood sexual (or any) abuse. I dont think it is as simple as treating as a helpless victim and I find that a somewhat offensive, but this behaviour in a child who has experienced abuse could be very telling or worrying.

I still dont think social services are responsible for providing any parcatical help with regards to the internet porn access, however I belive it is up to the GP or school to make a referal for councelling and not social services.

She needs CAMHS and counselling,
Is not really SS as she is not in risk from her father presumably .

If she is posing as 18 not much police can do about those replying to her
But maybe to tell her it is fraud ?

But above all she needs CAMHS and counselling
So gp for referral not SS

Do you and your ex actually accept any responsibility for this at all?

Why cant you take her to the doctors, she shouldn't have to wait until her Dad can get time off work ffs, this is slightly more serious than work!