To not invite family to DS's christening?

[AbyCat]

Prob more of a wwyd, but here goes. I'm fairly religious, as is my mother & some of my family/friends. DH & his family don't believe in God at all. However, he is happy for me to get DS christened, so we have booked the date with the priest etc etc, told my mother & MIL, but we haven't mentioned it to anyone else or sent out any invites yet as we needed to find somewhere to take everyone to afterwards for food/drinks. Now I find out it's Mothers Day on that day, & everywhere like the local pubs that we would normally book a room in for a party, won't let us book as they want the Mother's Day lunch people in, fair enough.

I'm more than happy to cut the guest list down to just our parents, DH's bro & sister & their partners, and the godparents so that we can just do something simple at our place (no room for any more people there) but MIL has apparently already gone & told all his aunts/uncles/cousins about it, & they are all making plans to come down for the weekend. Considering none of them are religious, and they just want to come down for a pissup get together, WIBU just to tell MIL she has to call them all & cancel it?

I'm sure you'll get a range of opinions, but even if some of your rellies aren't religious, then will probably want to attend the christening as a celebration of your baby's life. After all, a lot of non-believers attend church weddings to celebrate the marriage of their friends who do believe.

Can you not book a church hall and do a buffet?

Depends how you want to deal with it. We did DS1's christening whilst having major building works. About 25 people came in total. Simple buffet, paper plates and names written in permanent marker on disposable cups with the warning that there would be no further drinks if cup was lost. If you're close enough to the family to get away with this and WANT them there, do it. Otherwise get them to cancel.

Just wait for MiL to mention it and then say "ooo I didn't expect XY and Z to attend a church service, how lovely" and then when she says something about afterwards, look all pious and raise your eyes to the Heavens and say "oh no, we aren't doing anything afterwards, it's a Christening, not his 18th or anything!" and look shocked

No, not at all,. Enjoy the day.,

What about a picnic? Or the church hall/guide or scout hut?

Make them all bring a contribution to the food and booze and have a party on the cheap!

YANBU

what is it with families and christenings!?

My ds1's christening is not a good memory for me, my family (not immediate-aunties/uncles etc) made it a nightmare and we fell out, day was a pita.

I am about to arrange my twins christening, we are going to say, they are being christened on this day at this time, no invite as such, just an informal phone call, come if you want, we are going home afterwards.

We will take parents and godparents for a meal at some point to celebrate.

Your MIL shouldnt have made that call without asking you, it's not her do, so you would be completely right to say, no, we arent inviting them, please ring and say you made a mistake.

Stupid damn families!

I would be disappointed if I wasn't invited because of my lack of religious beliefs. To me a christening is also about celebrating a new life and welcoming a child into the family.

Nothing wrong with having a small ceremony focussing on the religious aspect. However it does sound like that you were originally planning to have a bigger celebration and it's only the lack of venue that's stopping you going ahead with this. In which case, I'd suggest either changing the date or sticking a marquee in the garden :) . Though you may find extended family are not so keen to come once they realise it's on Mothers' day anyway.

I´m not so much it´s whether or not people are religious, but that MIL is inviting people to a celebration that you´re hosting?

How does that work?

Tell them that they're welcome to come to the church but, as it's mothers' day, there will be no piss up get together afterwards.

As Byeckerslike says you can take parents/god parents out another day.

Oh yes, just reread & if you were happy to have those people before then I don´t see why you still shouldn´t be tbh.

Is there not a village hall/community centre & everyone can bring some food for example?

Sorry that first sentence should have "because there's no venue available."

Teach me to proof read first.

The added bonus to this is that those who do come will be there because they want to be at the christening.

Sorry that first sentence should have "because there's no venue available." at the end of the sentence

MardyBra makes a very good point that I hadn't thought about at all - thank you.

PomBear - are you my mother? That is exactly what she said to me!

Hanaka - the church hall is a good idea - I will go & see whether that is free on the day, thank you. Hadn't thought of that one. It's a bit souless in there, but at least we can bring our own booze & food so it would be cheaper as well, and there is plenty of room for the kids to run around in too.

MIL is always doing things like this, she just gets over excited I think, plus likes the excuse to call family & friends with news. I really should learn not to let DH tell her things til we have finalised plans (don't get me started on her telling the world about my pregnancy even though we asked her not to until we'd had the scans!!).

I've just counted the numbers, & even without inviting any friends, there would be about 25 plus kids, so having it at home is right out. I am now pinning my hopes on some people not being able to come due to Mother's Day plans.

I'm RC, sometimes practising and DH is CofE, non-practising. We had all three DC christened, but had a really small do - godparents, grandparents, uncles and aunts. We have the oldest DC in family, so no other DC to think about. We went back to our house for hot meal, drinks, etc. Perhaps you could do that. I wouldn't let yourself be railroaded into a big do unless that's what you want to do. If the christening is in with a morning service, so much the easier as not everyone will be able to get there in time

Oh, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't happy about the numbers to start off with, mainly because I don't want the christening turning into a pissup, but I got a bit railroaded by DH who wanted to invite all his rellies. And, as Mardy said earlier, some of them probably will want to come to celebrate DS's day even if they aren't there for the religious aspect of things.

We have just done what didl suggests, borrowing the church hall for after the service and having a "bring and share" lunch. One of the conditions of using the hall was that no alcohol is consumed on the premises, you might find similar applies in most church halls. Could solve the problem of the family coming for a booze up. Just make sure they are aware of the rule!

Or, as MIL has invited them, you should assume that she's doing the hosting?

My friend didn't invite anyone but the godparents to her dd's dedications. Both sets of parents attended the church so they just asked them to ensure they were there that week. Then her mum did a big roast dinner for the godparents/grandparents and the parents. They were more than happy with the way it worked out. But they knew a lot of friends were annoyed.