to sometimes feel suffocated by my toddler?

[LifeIsButtercream]

DD is 2.9 and I love her to bits but I feel bad as I'm getting increasingly frustrated by her clingy behaviour and tendancy to be in my personal space all the time :(

Just a few examples, I've not been well lately so have been sitting on the sofa (which is rare) when she is playing in the lounge (where she has plenty of space and toys) she insisted on sitting either on my feet or against my legs and piling whatever she was playing with around my feet until I was literally barricaded in. And at our regular playgroup she refused to sit with the children for snack (screamed the place down) and spent the entire session standing against my leg (despite me and other parents encouraging her to get involved in the activities, and DD telling me that she wanted to play with something that was literally 3feet away but she then threw a strop as I wouldn't go with her - I was practically there!) All the other children were happily running around and playing.

I love her to bits and do show her lots of affection, we have lots of cuddle time, I'm just getting frustrated by the constant "Mummy do it" and constantly falling over her as she has silently come to stand right behind me every time I move, and the constant whining which for a lot of the time seems to be for no reason (like whatever answer I give to a request is the wrong one sometimes). And it would be lovely to get to the door of a room without the drone of "Muuuummmmyyyy" (when I ask her "yes what is it DD?" I get the answer "nothing")

She's very verbal and articulate, and we do talk a lot, I do activities with her, get her involved in what I'm doing when I'm busy, play with her when I have time, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong! :(

I probably an BU, maybe I just needed to vent that as it did turn into a bit of a rant. I just feel like I must be doing such a bad job, and I feel like the ice-queen as it feels like I'm constantly peeling her off me and pushing her away!

She is feeling insecure.
I dont know why that might be in your case, but I do know that when I used to experience this with my ds, it was ALWAYS because I actually wasn't playing with him enough, or I was distracted with my own stuff (money worries, work, all that).
Children get insecure when they feel like you are not really "there" and the more you push her away, the more insecure she will feel.

I know it can be really hard to do sometimes, especially when you feel suffocated already, but in order to get more space for yourself, you need to (ironically) get in her space a bit for a while.
Get down on the floor with her, involve yourself in her world, play imaginary games. Put every ounce of focus on her for an hour or two a day.

After a week or so she should start to feel more confident to peel herself away from you a bit.

Awwww.....poor thing (you and her!)

What Northern says.

YANBU! DS is only 18m and I feel like this sometimes. Maybe she's just going through a clingy phase? Do you ever get a break from her or are you with her all the time?
I've just had a lovely weekend because I was ill and DH took DS out most of the time and left me in peace. Shame I had to be ill to get a break though!

Yep agree - she wants reassurance. Which means you need to give it in ways that she wants (within reason). DS has been doing this because we have an 11 week old DD. It's probably because you're not well - she knows something is up.

YANBU

Before I got pg, I discussed with DP how we would split childcare tasks, and we agreed very clearly we would split childcare (other then BF, obv) fifty fifty.

But it will never actually be fifty fifty in reality, because DS wants me more than he wants his daddy.

So when I attempt to leave them both playing in the living room, my wee shadow will come trotting into the kitchen and then whine until I lift him onto the worktop where I have to hover over him, thus stopping me from doing whatever I came through for.

DS loves his daddy and they do loads together, but if I'm around, I'm usually the go-to parent. I didn't sign up for this! Lovely as his affection is, it goes without saying. I don't want to be cuddled though when I'm trying to empty the washing machine or use the bathroom.

I agree, kids do this because they want reassurance.

Thanks everyone, I'm going to try and give her more of my time. We don't really have a break from each other (well, she goes to nursery 1 day a week), but I'm a single parent so that's our only break. She has spent some more time with my parents than usual while I was ill (I was pretty knocked out for a few days) and she behaved fantastically for them.

Whenever we do have playtime together it always seems to cause problems as at some point it has to stop, as I need to cook her a meal or something like that - and that's often when she kicks off - even if I have warned her of the impending end of play :(

Another one at the moment is, she is becomming very bossy, thinks she can tell me what to do, will tell me "you can't tell me off" or "you can't put me in time out" or "shhhhh!" me when I'm talking (to her or anyone) - I'm worrying we don't have a very good adult/child balance in the house as she seems to think she is very powerful........

I find the children cuddling and clambering on me too much when I am ill, it feels intrusive when normally it's nice:)

Oh love! I sooo know how you feel!
I am sure you are giving her loads of attention.
That single child/single parent ratio is a minefield.

Ok, in that case it may be a little bit different for you.
Yes, she does need proper playing with you and all that BUT you also need to really start to establish the boundries now.
In fact 2.9 is a great time to do this.

I am a little bit further down the road than you (ds-5) and I still struggle to maintain my authority, and not get into arguments.

It's really hard to establish that you are in charge sometimes in this scenario, because you will have such a close bond, no-one else(man, woman, or child) is vying for your attention day to day, and you probably talk to her and share more with your dd than you would if you were in a couple.

This is all normal, but it can mean that your child doesn't really understand she is a child.

I often think as a single parent you have to be a bit more strict about rules and expectations, otherwise, quite frankly, they will walk all over you!
This is why a lot of my married friends think I am a hardass authoritarian, but I know if I gave even an inch, ds would be ruling the roost and I would be done for!

Follow through on the extra focused attention.
Then, when you do need dd to go and play while you cook(or whatever), be clear about what you need. If she doesnt let you, then use sanctions/naughty step and be really really consistent.
Seriously never ever back down.

Also, make sure your parents always back you up, and don't subtly undermine you like my mother does.