to think wedding anniversaries should be private celebrations?

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Etiquette question really. I have friends who have a celebration every year for their anniversary, have done since year one. I always think it's your marriage, no-one else cares how long you've been married, celebrate it alone. As if they can't let go of the fact that their wedding day was not as exciting for everyone else as for them.

But then I would think a golden wedding anniversary party was lovely. So is there a line or am I just an unreasonable cow? I partly want to know cos DHave romantiuc wants a party for our tenth this year, I think too soon and we should have romantic night alone.

Oh of course it's up to them - it's only that I find it odd, and always have (have never said so, obviously) - and because it's our tenth coming up it got me thinking whether others agree with me that it's a bit ... naff.

Am also pondering whether it's naff to demand politely suggest that a nice new engagement ring to replace my old cheapie would be a suitable tenth present. You know, in my fantasy world where we could afford such a thing.

Up to the couple I think. We have always celebrated our anniversary's as a couple, although dh was nearly always away for them (forces).

It's our 25th this year, and dh is plotting something. He has told me not to plan anything, make sure I get time off work and leave it up to him (probably a weekend in a tent somewhere rainy).

It's nice. Ours is private but it's up to the couple.

See, I would be up for a public celebration of an anniversary, but I would never want to replace my engagement ring.

Different strokes and all that.

If you want a new ring then theres no harm in asking. Does it have. To be an engagement ring, could you have an eternity ring? Or if you want more of an engagement ring style, could you pass it off as being representative of your dc? My dh would react better that way I think, he'd probably be hurt if I said I wanted a new engagement ring. But if I said I wanted a ring with three diamonds, one for him and each of the dc, he'd be much easier to convince

Each to their own. You're right in that it is their celebration, so it is also up to them how they choose to celebrate it.

We chose our wedding date because we go on holiday at that time every year, and we wanted to spend our anniversaries on holiday. Mostly it is just the two of us, with a nice dinner etc. Last year we went on holiday with friends, and the four of us went out to dinner. Neither was any better than the other really.

We had a small party at home for my parent's 25th wedding anniversary and this yesr it is there 40th so Ruby anniversary so we are having a big to celebrate but other than that they have never really celebrated them and nor do me and dh. We may have a take away or something but that is it. Infact last year we went to friends for a bar b que and they suddenly realised half way through it was our anniversary and thought we were odd to be at theirs rather thst out celebrating. We were not fussed.

YABU any excuse for a party,

YABU it's really up to them and some people just love any old excuse to have a party and have fun with friends, if they weren't doing it for their anniversary they'd probably be doing it for something else.

I would find it a bit odd if someone threw a party for a non-milestone anniversary, but each to their own I suppose.

We celebrated our 25th last week but, not being great party throwing people, we celebrated by going away to Iceland for a few days (always wanted to visit there)

When PILs had their 50th a few years ago they wanted to mark the occasion but only with family. FIL rented a lovely large house in the country for a weekend and we all pitched in with providing food and drink and had a really nice houseparty weekend just PILs, their DCs and partners and their GCs.

Every year sounds too much for me.

One party for the 10th sounds good idea as long as you don't force your guests to watch your holiday/xmasses photos or to listen silly jokes and soappy speeches.

Yes to food, drink and dancing with your friends and family thu, any excuse for that. Have fun

We had a big party for our first anniversary for our families and bride and groom parties. But this was because it was the date we should have got married - we moved our wedding forward a year to the date as my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and we really wanted her to be there.
Saying that we haven't done a big do since! Last year we had a bottle of wine and a takeaway.

Why are so many people so scroogey about occasions these days? "No one cares about your wedding/anniversary/baby" etc. If you don't agree, don't go.

YABU I think its quite sweet to make it public. Why not? Lots of people have parties/gatherings for no reason at all.

I'd find it a bit smug and show-offy if someone insisted on getting friends and family to celebrate all the non-milestone anniversaries with them. Not much fun for the single people to keep having to celebrate everyone else's anniveraries during each year, I'd imagine.

The "big ones" merit a party but not every year, that would be rather self absorbed. Isn't it traditional to just go out for a romantic dinner, just the two of you?

I can barely remember when ours is (we don't celebrate as you can guess!!)
But I think UABU.

For some people it is hugely important, others like any excuse for a party!!

Gosh imagine receiving a party invite and instead of thinking what fun can we make it you think how smug and show offy. Glad I do not live in your world!

How many married friends and acquaintances do you have, kerala? Would you really be wanting to go to an anniversary party for each couple every year? It would take up a lot of weekends...

I love a good party like anyone else, but that would be too much I think.

I'm with Kerola. If I get a party invite, I think "Oh great - let's check the claendar and start ringing possible babysitters", I don't analyse if the occasion is worthy enough to be celebrated. I think 'how lovely to be asked out'.
If (and I can't really see it ever happening) I ever got to the stage of having several party invitations a month, then I guess I'd have to start sending apologies at that point, but I still don't think I'd be deciding which one to go to on the "worthiness" of the occasion .

Milestone wedding anniversary parties tend to include many of those who were at the wedding, from far and wide. This just wouldn't be practical more often.

Right, well I shall start having regular parties because I only ate 2 biscuits today, have 32 friends who I've been friends with more than a fortnight, and am just very professionally and socially successful and deserving of your attention. I'm sure you'd all like to travel from throughout the UK to congratulate me on my achievements with a party every Friday at 10am (and don't forget to bring presents and ) :o

Weird attitude you have there but each to their own I suppose.

Well obviously that was a spoof. But really, who'd have time to attend everyone else's anniversary party every year?

YANBU. They should be private celebrations unless one of the big ones.

I love a good party and we bought a house that could have lots (big open-plan kitchen dining room a priority). We got married in December and plan to have a big Christmas/anniversary party every other year (non-party years will be a minibreak to a Christmas market or similar).

We have quite a lot of dinner parties and always dress up and make a fuss. I don't go to nearly as many things as I host (I'm totally happy with that) but would be quite surprised if any of our friends thought we were showing off. Actually I'd think that was quite sad and indicated they were unhappy with their lives.

I did wonder if it would be self-involved to do something big for my 30th given it will be 8 months after the wedding but everyone I've mentioned it to have been really enthusiastic. Maybe I'm just lucky to have friends that like to party.