Why do they have to make everything so bloody complicated??

[MuckyBedding]

I promised to take my kids (pre and teen boys) to an all you can eat Chinese restaurant in the new year. We were all set to go but word got out and mil seemed to want to come so I asked her along. My mum then found out and I felt guilty so invited her too. My mum then said she'd feel more comfortable if my grandma came also as she doesn't know MIL that well and then MIL said she was thinking of inviting my exes niece. It all got very complicated and in the end I decided to just postpone it until DS's 13 birthday next week.
Now that's coming up we're all set to go, the idea was I'd pick up MIL and then go and pick up my mum and we'd all go together. But my mum has decided to ask my sister to go, sister doesn't want to go because MIL is going and she doesn't know her (she's 18 ffs, sure she could manage a "stranger" for one night) and my mum has been hinting at me telling MIL not to go. No way am I doing that so the problem now is that I can't fit everyone in the car. Nobody else drives so again it's left to me to sort it all out. What makes it worse is that it's also my mums birthday on the same say so I don't want to upset her.

How do I work this?? I'm a bit annoyed that yet again everyone is making a farce over something that should have been so simple!!

Stop trying to please everyone else.

Take your boys out. Ignore everyone else. Don't tell them when you are going. I can't believe going out for a Chinese meal has turned into such a production!

omg go out with your boys. this is a special treat for them is it not forget about trying to please everybody...its just not possible.. and i hope if everyone goes they're going to chip in for the bill.

Give them all taxi numbers, and tell them you'll meet them there. If they show up fine, if not, also fine. Just make sure your ds has a good time.

I'm thinking of just saying we'll be there for 7pm, anyone that wants to go can meet us there. If it wasn't also my mum's bithday I wouldn't be too concerned but I know she's be oh so sensitive about the whole thing. Another spanner in the works is that she's looking after my youngest all through half term while I work so I'm kind of feeling like I should be pleasing her = at the same time though I can't just turn around to MIL and say "yeah about that meal, make your own way there!" and then turn up with everyone else in my car!

Book the table, take your boys, tell everyone else the time and place and let them make there own way there if they want to come. In future don't tell anyone about your plans until after they've happened. Child's birthday takes precedence over an adults, it's up to your Mum to arrange something for her birthday if she wants to but obviously if she wants to do something other than a Chinese meal on the day you won't be able to make it because you'll be pending your son's birthday with him.

Could you fill the car in order of who's been going to go to the restaurant for longest and explain this to the others? I sympathise with your apparent inability to say no to people - I'm the same and get myself into similar pickles. Easy for me to say but IMO it's a bit unreasonable of your mum and MIL to invite people to go - it's your evening, not theirs. Good luck.

We must be related Mucky

You are NOT responsible for everyone else's happiness.

Tell them all when and where to meet you and then move the conversation away. If they start fussing about XYZ, then smile sympathetically but SAY NOTHING.

This is easily sorted - get them a taxi, they will have to all chip in for the fare.

are we related? They sound just like my family. I'd definitely just tell them to make their own way there.

This is what happens when you overshare with your family. Just don't tell them everything.

The moral of the story is....... Never mention any plans you might have.

I learnt that lesson many years ago

I also think we might be related

Families eh!

Yeah your mums birthday is clouding tge issue, it's like your mum is saying she doesn't want tour mil out for her birthday.

What a ridiculously frustrating situation. Either take your sons out by themselves, or as others have said ask everyone else to make their own way, or is there a possibility of doing two separate events with different families? Have to say your mother sounds somewhat ridiculous (and quite presumptuous) for having to invite other members of her own family because she doesn't know MIL well (and then hinting at uninviting MIL), and at 18 your sister is being beyond ridiculous to not be able to interact socially with a "stranger" adult too.

It is a bit awkward that it's also your mother's birthday though.

Word got out" and so you ended up feeling obliged to invite people you hadn't wanted there, and then their guests, and then their guests. Then you were pressured to univite other guests, and to act as a taxi service for all these people you hadn't even wanted in the first place.

Can you see how ridiculous that is? ALL of those people are adults who are capable of taking themselves to an all you can eat chinese buffet if the mood so takes them. NONE of them get to decide when you go for a meal or who you invite.

FGS just go out tonight, just you and your children as you originally planned and get it over and done with