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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit upset that ds wasn't invited to this party

12 replies

jubilee10 · 19/02/2012 09:10

The boys were in nursery together and are now at school. The boys mother and I both work full time so they are at after school club together. We don't really meet up out of school because we don't have time. They are very different but get on really well.

I knew it was his birthday and wished him a very happy one. Now I have discovered he is having a party and ds is not invited. I met two mutual friends over the holidays whose children are invited and neither of them mentioned the party despite speaking about the other boy so I wonder if something has been said.

Ds is fairly quiet and well behaved so that wouldn't be an issue. The party is in a venue where the numbers are restricted so I do understand that they couldn't invite a huge number if children. Ds didn't have a party last year so they may have invited children who invited him to their parties but they have invited other children who are not nearly as close as ds is.

I have always got on well with the other mum as we have other things in common.

AIBU to feel a bit upset and puzzled as to the reason he has been left out?

I'm over thinking this aren't I?

OP posts:

beeny · 19/02/2012 09:11

I would be upset but i over think everything.

Toomanyplates · 19/02/2012 09:13

I have been there before and it is upsetting, but I've learnt from experience it isn't worth getting upset over. It might well be that your DS and your friend's DS don't play together at all at school, and with numbers limited the other boy wanted to choose friends he plays with.

I wouldn't sweat it.

Pagwaatch · 19/02/2012 09:13

Yes, you are massively over thinking it.
The mum may well have done what I do which is say 'you have x places, who are you going to invite?'

Dd often invites everyone in her classes and may only be invited to 3/4 of the other childrens parties. Children are allowed to have preferences without it being a snub.

YouOldSlag · 19/02/2012 09:14

I wouldn't worry. Parties are a minefield. The reason it wasn't mentioned was probably because by the time they'd returned the favour to the people who had parties last year there weren't enough spaces left.

Party politics takes on a whole new meaning when you have kids. Don't take it personally, it's probably some complicated thing like "can't offend thingy, but no room to invite wotsit, best keep it quiet so as not to offend"

AThingInYourLife · 19/02/2012 09:16

I guess you are not as close to this family as you thought you were.

YANBU to feel upset at being left out when you would have expected to be invited.

But all you can do is take future social cues from this woman bearing in mind what you now know.

jalopy · 19/02/2012 09:20

It's not a nice feeling but you will find that there are no particular rules about parties and this will probably occur again. As time goes on you will find that friendships change, party sizes change, interactions with parents change, etc.

Don't take it to heart.

Backtobedlam · 19/02/2012 09:21

Don't worry-there are so many parties and so many children that everyone has their own rules. Some parties are whole class parties, some are just boys/girls, some people ask the kids (who often just say the first names that come to their heads), and others seem random but I assume have their own criteria...like parents they know. I'm sure it's not he was intentionally left out, just how things work.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 19/02/2012 09:30

It's also possible that between them the boys lost the invitation.

diddl · 19/02/2012 09:34

Are the boys still friends?

Do they play together in/out of school?

catsareevil · 19/02/2012 09:35

You are overthinking it.
The other people not mentioning the party doesnt mean that anything has been said. I wouldnt talk about a party to another parent whose child could have been invited unless I was sure that they had been.

They had limited numbers, and couldnt invite everyone. Most likely the boy has been given the choice of who to invite, and children can be fickle.

Original poster

jubilee10 · 19/02/2012 09:55

Thank you, I think I am just a bit sensitive as ds1 s/n, was often left off party lists and, whilst I understood why, It made me very conscious of not leaving anyone out.

Ds doesn't even know there was a party.

OP posts:

TrollopDollop · 19/02/2012 10:08

YANBU to feel upset. I had a similar situation a few months ago. DD was the only girl in her class not be invited to another girls party. She knew all her fiends were going and couldn't understand why she wasn't invited. I took it as an opportunity to teach her to deal with these knocks. I just played it down and said there were 60 people in her year and most wouldn't be going and then took her somewhere special on the day. She has mentioned it a few times since but as I haven't made a thing out of it, she hasn't either. I doubt anything has been said to the mums whose children were invited, I have learnt not to mention parties incase people aren't invited so I expect that's all they were doing. I have also been on the other side and organised a party and then realised months down the line that someone was missed off the list who should have come. EG. DD sits on a certain table for maths, etc and had asked all but one of the girls to be invited to her party. At the time I didn't know who she sat on which table with so only found out after. It's best not to give it too much thought, there are lots of parties and too many children to go to them all. It's less expense and hassle for you as well.

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