Don't want to be accused of being a drip feeder so this might get long!
Friend (we?ll call her A) and I met through work two years ago. Although we no longer work in the same department, we have lunch together most days, socialise out of work and occasionally go out as a foursome with partners.
A has a prickly relationship with her family. She gets on okay with her younger brother but much less so with her older brother, and because of the latter she tends to fall out with/get irritated with her parents quite frequently because they always seem to side with him. Her younger brother is getting married shortly and A is one of the bridesmaids, older brother is best man.
My husband has serious MH issues and is classed as disabled. We have coping strategies, he has some decent spells when we manage to get out and about etc but there is a permanent sense of teetering on the edge of a pretty black abyss. A is aware of this.
Unfortunately over the last two weeks, the abyss has opened once more and husband has been as bad as he?s been for a couple of years. Week before last, I took a couple of days off work to look after him, and when I was back in on the Friday I emailed A to say I wouldn?t be lunching as I had to work through lunch to make up time to leave early. She replied saying she hoped it was for something nice and I emailed back saying unfortunately not, it was to take hubby to an appointment, and wished her a nice weekend. I didn?t get a reply.
The upshot of the appointment is that hubby was assessed as a suicide risk and the Crisis Intervention Team has become involved, a third kind of medication has been prescribed etc.
A was on holiday last Monday and on Tuesday I popped round to her desk to see if she?d had a good weekend ? she was staying at her parents as there was a bridesmaid?s dress fitting, and as stated I know things can be a bit tense there. The gist was no, she?d had an awful time and had fallen out with her parents and older brother again. I sympathised but was conscious I was standing at her desk in work time so couldn?t really get into the detail. I apologised for not lunching again ? a member of my team is off on long-term sick (having chemo) and I?d arranged to pop round to his house at lunch time to deliver some presents we?d collected in the team for him. A said it was just as well as she wasn?t in the mood to be good company. She didn?t ask about hubby, or how I/we were doing.
I arranged to WFH on Wednesday to be on hand for hubby. On Thursday A emailed to say she wouldn?t be lunching as she still wasn?t feeling very cheerful. Again, no question about how I/we were coping.
On Friday we arranged to have lunch. I asked her if she?d managed to patch things up with her family; unfortunately she hadn?t and she started to tell me about it ? all to do with her older brother?s behaviour on the younger brother?s stag do. During lunch my hubby sent me a couple of texts, quite agitated because the Crisis Intervention Team rep hadn?t turned up at the appointed time. I apologised to A for reading/replying to texts while she was talking and made some comment about hubby being upset because of the CIT?s no-show. A said something like ?that?s not good? and continued talking about her family. Then, after 20 minutes (we get a fixed hour for lunch) she said ?I?m off, I have to ring B [another friend]? and that was it.
AIBU to expect at least a token enquiry into how things are going for me/us? I don?t labour the point of the suicide risk etc because I know it can be embarrassing for other people but she is aware of the overall situation and we have discussed it in the past. Or am I being hypersensitive because I?m a bit stressed anyway, and she?s wrapped up in her own troubles? She was very upset about it ? she presents quite a hard front but she told me during Friday?s lunch that she?d cried all the way back home on Monday.