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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is a little bit inappropriate?

40 replies

DefiniteMaybe · 18/02/2012 12:10

My dad met his girlfriend about a year ago. They moved in together really, really quickly, within about a month. She has a dd who is 10.
My dad asked to have ds over last night so off he's gone. His girlfriend text me a picture of my ds (he's 3) and her dd in the bath together and then a text to tell me he was fast asleep with her dd in her dds bed.
I think I mostly don't understand why they're pushing my ds and her dd together so much, she's not related to him and probably won't be around for too much longer as my dad is fairly fickle. But it just doesn't seem right. At 10 I wouldn't have wanted to share a bath or my bed with a little kid.
So AIBU to think that if my ds stays over there he should be bathed and sleep alone?

OP posts:

chimchar · 18/02/2012 13:47

I think that the 10year old dds mum would know whether she was comfortable or not...I'm guessing your ds had a great time and was not phased in the slightest by sharing a bath...it was probably fun.

My dd is only 8, but loves looking after younger children, as I did.

I don't understand why you feel uncomfortable about it...you have your right to do so, but this would be fine with me so long as the children are happy.

I also agree though with the forming close bonds with people who may not be around long....to be fair, only your dad will be able to comment on this.

fallenpetal · 18/02/2012 13:55

Id think it a little odd having them bath together, Ive had to make my ex see reason about bathing my dd and his partners son together because she didnt like it. It does depend on the children and there is no real harm in it.
Not sure id like the picture texted .... you hear all sorts about where the texts can be picked up, etc. probably watched to much CSI though LOL!!

I sooo agree re the attachment and likelyhood of the relationship ending, its so confusing for the kids. They are resilient though so I wouldnt make that a reason to stop genuine affection. If you dont think its genuine and is forced thats a whole other issue, my dd cannot stand her dads partners kids because of this forced behavior - she resents them.

MaryZ · 18/02/2012 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

DefiniteMaybe · 18/02/2012 14:57

Her dd did look comfortable in the bath with my ds and my ds would happily jump in a bath with anyone so I think I was definitely worrying over nothing.

MaryZ my dad is only 2 years older than her and he moved in with them. They do seem very much in love and my dad is adamant that she's the one, but I know what he's like.

OP posts:

eaglewings · 18/02/2012 15:07

I'd not worry. I had baths at my neighbours with their kids in the summer of 76 when there was hardly any water.
My kids share beds with their cousins
Used to happen all the time when we lived in smaller houses with more than 2 generations together

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/02/2012 15:10

Def - hopefully you have stopped worrying about it now. It sounds like they had a lovely sleepover. Let DS enjoy this time having this woman and her DD in his life. It doesn't matter if it's not a long term arrangement, it's not like DS is living with them. If it doesn't work out with her and your Dad your DS might miss them a bit on the first few visits to your Dad's but it wont have a huge impact on him and in the meantime he's having a lovely time. The little girl is only 10 and is probably loving having someone similiar to a little brother/cousin to 'look after' and play with.

As for whoever said 'she would be an Aunt and that's ick' what a lot of nonsense. Lots of Aunts/Uncles & Nieces/Nephews grow up together more like brothers & sisters or cousins. It is ridiculous to say it's ick.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/02/2012 15:10

Eagle - us too :)

SaraBellumHertz · 18/02/2012 15:16

Sounds fine to me, aside from the issue of attaching to someone who may disappear.

Has your dad lived with many other girlfriends before quickly moving on?

AnnieLobeseder · 18/02/2012 15:27

Your DS is 3. Why on earth would you care if he bathed with another child? I'm baffled by this.

Either you let him see his granddad at his house and get to know this girl, or you keep him from seeing the girlfriend/DD and arrange meetings with your dad away from his home. The bath thing is a red herring, I think.

But at 3, I also wouldn't worry about your DS getting attached to someone who might move on. My 3yo DD2's best friend at nursery moved away at Christmas. She hasn't noticed yet.

GiserableMitt · 18/02/2012 15:58

I would imagine your dad's partner's DD is treating your DS as the little brother she never had and her mother is indulging her.

GlitterySkulls · 18/02/2012 16:50

i wouldn't have a problem with the sharing a bed, but the bath thing would bother me.

simply because, at 10 i'd already had boobs & body hair for about 2 years and i wouldn't want anyone else in with me.

if the kids don't mind, though...

if your dad's really fickle, i feel a bit sorry for the wee girl, getting close, moving in etc - is her mum aware she & her DD are unlikely to be a permanent fixture?

Original poster

DefiniteMaybe · 18/02/2012 17:00

Yes stopped worrying now he's back home I think a part of it is worrying when he's not here, worrying about not being there. A bit pfb I think.
I also feel sorry for her dd she is really attached to my dad and if he does move on she's lost a whole 'family'.

OP posts:

MaryZ · 18/02/2012 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RuleBritannia · 18/02/2012 17:19

There's nothing wrong with sharing a bath; it's the photo that's posing the question.

When my younger sister was born, I (5) was sent to an aunt for the confinement and distinctly remember being in a bath with one cousin a year older than I (6) and her brother who was 2. My aunt put Tide in the bath to make it exciting frothy. The use of Tide shows that it was a long time ago though. They had a geyser, too!

wannaBe · 18/02/2012 17:30

Good god. I am and at some of he responses on this thread.

"I wouldn't want DS to be bathed anywhere else but by us at home, let alone with a stranger."

"Warn your DF's girlfriend not to post any photos on Facebook or Twitter. Threaten with legal action if she does and put it in writing"

What the actual fuck.

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