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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider not inviting children? Or is it generally a bad idea!

25 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:03

Family party coming up and we're struggling to find a venue.

We have a small house but our garden is of an ok size.

Contemplating offering our house for the do. (no-one else has been very forthcoming!)

I could hire a gazebo and hope that most of the guests stay outside predicting a glorious sunny day!

There are 3 children in the immediate family.

Guest list is around 50 people - without children.

Guests children = around 10. All of running around age Grin

Our DC would be in bed by 7.30pm - so from a selfish point of view we could happily party in our own house for the rest of the evening if the little monkey stays asleep!

Would it be rude/unfair to only invite the children in the immediate family? Would the other guests feel put out or would they prefer a child free night out? (if it helps you decide, we prefer child free parties where we can relax for the night knowing they are being looked after smothered! by either set of GP's Grin

Would probably start the do in the late afternoon.

Or is this a bad idea in general and should I continue to help them find a venue?

OP posts:
Petrean · 18/02/2012 09:07

As it's a 'family' gathering I think you have to invite the 10 children (especially as yours will be in the house anyway). You are likely to offend by inviting some and not all.

Babieseverywhere · 18/02/2012 09:08

Depends on the parents in question and whether they have babysitters who will not already be at the party.

Talk to the parents and see what they think about your idea.

Personally I would invite the kids and after a set time mad running around in the garden put them all (including guest children) in sleeping bags in front of a tv with snacks, should give you a couple hours of child free time, to chill over a glass of wine or two.

LizzieMo · 18/02/2012 09:08

It is OK for you, but what if the other parents can't get babysitters? If you go ahead then be aware that some family members may not be able to come without the children.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:11

Mmmm - I havnt thought this through have I! Grin

The other children are not family - they are friends children.

I would give at least 2 months notice for babysitters.

House isnt big enough to put all the kids in front of the tv :(

I think venue hunting is looking more favourable! :)

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 18/02/2012 09:14

You like to live dangerously! This thread is bound to kick off!

IMO YABU. Doesn't the word 'family' encompass children? I don't think you can have a party, have your own kids present and the expect everyone else to leave theirs at home. I'd stay home to if it was me! And YABU to put your own kids to bed at 7.30 unless they are babies!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 18/02/2012 09:16

Can't you pitch some tents at the bottom of the garden for the kids?

ILoveSanta · 18/02/2012 09:17

YANBU if it is friends' children, but YABU if it is family children. Just mho. But you do need to explain to friends the reason why their kids are not invited!

pulls us a chair to watch the bunfight that this thread will probably cause!

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:18

Thanks Saggy! Don't mean to offend anyone but thanks for the tin hat just in case! Grin

I shouldnt have really put 'family' party - it's an adults party really, but for a family member - if that makes sense! Confused

Thinking of offering our house as we have baby - so would be in bed for majority of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:19

oh dear! Really don't want to cause a bunfight! :(

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane · 18/02/2012 09:20

If you were invited to a house party by friends and told not to bring DC yet friend's DC were there ( and possibly the DC of the friend's family) Would you be happy?! :o

Venue is best especially for 50!! (unless you have staff!)

MrsKittyFane · 18/02/2012 09:23

newmummy oooh.. Thinking of offering our house as we have baby so would be in bed for majority of time. A selfish act of generosity :o

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:23

MrsKittyFane - I have to admit I'd get a sitter if DC were invited or not.

DH would feel the same Blush

We'd put it down as one of 'our' nights out :)

Ooh staff! I'd love staff! But sadly no :( just me, a tray and an oven full of plastic party food Grin

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/02/2012 09:24

Your are offering a 'venue' not organising your own party - it's a little bit rude to define the guest list IMO. Other than maybe to limit the over all number.

It's virtually impossible not to be able to fit 10 kids into a sitting room to watch a DVD - you could do that in most flats, let alone houses... are you sure it's not 'don't want to' not 'can't' Grin

Frankly, I think you'd be FAR better off just helping them find a suitable venue!

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:24

MrsKittyFane - exactly! So I guess IABU! Grin

Case closed I guess

Venue hunting it is!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 18/02/2012 09:24

If a party is at a family home, and mainly being held in a garden, I would expect children to be welcome.

GColdtimer · 18/02/2012 09:25

Find a venue. There is no way this will work without offending someone. And 50 people in a small house is a lot, kids or no kids.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/02/2012 09:27

As a guest though, it wouldn't bother me if the invite said 'no children' yet hosts children & 'family' children were there.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/02/2012 09:28

This is why I love Mumsnet - like to check before I do anything stupid

Might order a cream carpet now the party won't be held at our house Grin

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 18/02/2012 09:28

I'd look for a venue elsewhere. Imagine all the clearing up you'd have to do with 50 guests, even if no one brought their dc.

Fwiw, I think it is okay for your own dc to be there - it is their house after all. People would be mad to expect you to send your own dc elsewhere, when you are hosting the party, but wrt the others I think you can't say child free to some but not to others.

MrsKittyFane · 18/02/2012 09:28

newmummy :)
I think for the sake of a babysitter for your DC, it's not worth handing your house over to 50+ people. Think of the mess :(

A babysitter and venue is the way to go! Good luck!

Finallygotaroundtoit · 18/02/2012 09:34

I have never been to any party/wedding etc where children aren't invited or welcome (except the odd 18+ informal birthday in nightclubs)

It's a strange concept to me, kids are part of the family. They're not treated any differently Confused

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/02/2012 11:29

we have had parties for adults that start in the afternoon and we said we welcome kids until 8.00pm unless you want to get a babysitter. that way those with young ones could come early then leave and either return when the sitter arrived or not. those without kids could join whenever they wanted, it was a nice way to see peoples kids without having them underfoot the whole time.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2012 11:38

How old are your own children OP?

Are you sure they'd be happy to go to bed at 7.30pm with all that fun going on?

FabbyChic · 18/02/2012 11:40

Im a great believer in children an alcohol do not mix, invite immediate family children only, I never took my kids to parties preferring to be able to drink knowing that I did not have children to look after.

I do not like children in pubs, or at parties, weddings are different they are family affairs but parties? no children should be at home in bed.

motherinferior · 18/02/2012 11:43

Be prepared for some people simply not to be able to come.

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