To not want to get involved in wills and other people's families

[WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame]

My father is married to a woman with several children, they were not happy when she remarried and have behaved quite badly about it, to the point that she has now decided to write several of them out of her will. My father is very keen that I know all about this (partly because I think it makes the will in favour of me and my siblings of whom I am in the oldest, instead of her kids) and wants to come over and discuss it all in detail, possibly with one of the stepchildren who is currently in favour.

He asked me when it would be convenient to do this and when I said it wasn't (he wanted to come in the week when I am at work!) and was it really necessary anyway he was most put out and slammed the phone down on me.

He has always tried to involve me in the many and prolonged battles with the stepchildren and I have always tried to steer well clear which is what I am doing again now. In addition I feel extremely uncomfortable about a possible future inheritance which I don't feel entitled to and the problems this may cause when it becomes known among my step siblings.

WIBU to imply to my father (because I am too soft to say it outright) that I really don't want anything to do with this, or should I accept that it's important to him and be a bit more supportive?

I think YWBU to not say 'What's it got to do with me? Leave me out of it!' directly and succinctly!

You can't stop her from making her will the way she wants to. You can avoid having anything to do with it!

YANBU! Just tell him you don't want to be a part of all the drama.

Aahh the 'Will' how many of us have to put up with this tool of abuse? Do as I say performing monkey of a child or I write you out!

I say stick it up your arse and leave it all to the cats home!

Another vote to keep well out of it, and make it clear you want no involvement. All this talk about writing people out of the will smacks of manipulation and it will all end in tears.

That's exactly how I feel, while there's no denying some money would be useful in the future I don't want it at the expense of someone else and certainly not if it is going to involve huge dramas - the cats home would be a much simpler recipient!

"Don't leave the money to me. If you do, I shall simply give it to them."

Seems likely to me that they want to write this will in your favour not because they want you to have their money, but to punish the others.

You are right to want no part in it.

I would stay well out of it.

If they write the will as they suggest, and you are left more than you consider your fair share, then you can obviously do as you wish with your inheritance.

Seems to me like inheritance causes more problems that it's worth!

You're not wrong, Santa, have just had massive row about my not wanting to get involved despite everyone on this thread so far thinking that's not unreasonable :(

Given your father's behaviour to you, and your stepmother's behaviour to her children, I'm surprised you haven't all collectively told the happy couple to shove it up their arse bequeath everything to the cat's home. They do sound made for each other.

YANBU, OP, but they are.

It's very complicated though, from the outside it does sound as though they are being unreasonable (and with regard to trying to drag me into this I think they are) but the way my stepbrother and sister have behaved since they got together is appalling so I can sort of see their point while a) not wanting to get involved and b) thinking that anything to do with wills is very drastic action and probably not necessary.

To be honest I just want to bury my head in the sand and ignore the whole thing but even if I can do that now, at some point in the future this is going to cause one hell of a lot of trouble that I really don't want any part of even if there is 'something in it for me' so to speak.

I'd tell him that it would make it much easier for me not knowing, as I don't want to feel awkward if I heard the step -b/sis talking about it. Particualrly if they asked me if I knew anything.

"I'm uncomfortable talking about it because I believe it's your joint decision and you should do what you wish with your money. Please make your wills however you please, we will be grateful for anything you choose to leave us, but we'd rather you enjoyed your money while you are here."

That's a very good way of putting it, I must remember it if he decides to speak to me again. Unfortunately heads and brick walls come to mind but a reasonable response like that has got to be my best bet.