to bring this up with STBXH?

[AbbyAbsinthe]

Ex mil and STBHX share the childcare of ds (6) while I'm at work - she's retired and he works shifts. It works well most of the time, and everyone is happy with it.

Yesterday I had a tooth extraction, a massive molar, and it was awful. Took them 20 minutes to get it out and they had to get another dentist in to finish the job as it wasn't shifting - and when I woke up this morning it felt like I'd been punched in the face. The dentist warned me that I'd feel rough, but it really bloody hurt and I called in sick.

I took ds to his Nanny's as usual, not because I'm a lazy bitch, but because I don't like depriving either of them from seeing him. I told her when I got there that I was off sick for the day and she was fine.

So about 3pm (which is when STBXH finishes work) I get a text asking me to come and pick ds up because he was ill. Headache and vomiting, and I needed to get there asap. Obviously I went straightaway and got him.

There's nothing wrong with him. He told me that he hasn't been sick, he just had a headache earlier, and he's been running around as normal from the minute he got home.

I'm really pissed off - partly because I don't see why I'm automatically responsible for ds when he's ill - his father is just as much his parent as I am, and should have been able to cope with him - and partly because I think STBXH and his mum have decided that I was being cheeky having a 'day off' and not keeping ds at home with me. Was I? I'm not really sure of the rules. DS loves seeing his Dad and Nanny and I didn't want to prevent that.

So... would IBU to speak to him about this? Why has he lied about ds vomiting when he hasn't? And why couldn't he cope with him? I even asked ds on the way home if he was poorly and wanted his mummy.. and said no

YANBU but i wouldnt bring it up as it will just cause more conflict and may make your x retaliate etc. annoying but nit worth the trouble

I think I'd have rung ex-MIL and checked she was happy to have DS if you were at home or else I wouldn't have mentioned I wasn't going to work

STBXH is taking the piss though...and if he pulls this one again, your response should be 'Thanks for letting me know, please let me know if you feel you need to seek medical attention. Bye. Both parents are equally responsible for their DC, poorliness does not = needing Mum.

i'd have to bring it up, why lie about a child being ill?

say something happened, you had to take ds to hospital, & when giving the doctor the info you said "and he was throwing up at his dads earlier" when he hadn't been- could cause a misdiagnosis.

i'd definitely ask him what the script was.

He shouldnt have lied so YANBU to speak to him re that.

I would have checked that MIL didnt want a day off if you were home, its not like she would go weeks without seeing her grandson if he missed today so dont get the "depriving her of seeing him".

I wonder if he felt his mum was being put upon given you were home and so made it up rather then being honest and causing conflict.

I think they probably thought you were being cheeky by asking mil to watch ds when you weren't going to be at work. You should have phoned her, she was hardly going to say no when you had turned up there with your ds.

It's wrong that they lied, and your ex, not mil, does have as much responsibility as you if ds is ill. Even so, if he had really been ill, he may have preferred to be at home.

Oh I wouldn't have expected ex mil to watch him if he was ill - but she didn't call me or anything. If he had been poorly and she'd have called me, I would have gone and got him immediately. I had no idea until he sent me a text.

Perhaps I should have asked her first. The problem is that when this has happened in the past, or I've booked a day's leave, she has insisted on having him because she misses him otherwise. Usually he's at school, mind you. Maybe she wasn't keen on having him all day, thinking that I was living the life of Riley at home.

I'm not annoyed with her really - as much as we sort of tolerate each other, she's a great Nanny and ds loves her to bits. I just wish she was honest with me rather than slating me behind my back, which is what I think happened.

Him though.... he'd only been with him 20 minutes before texting me to ask me to come & get him - not only is he perfectly capable of looking after him if he's ill, he knew I wasn't well myself.

Funny how 50/50 parenting only counts when the child is 100% well

There is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He's been bounding around all afternoon and has eaten like a horse.