I need the calm voice of reason....

[MumofAurelia]

Ok, I have an arrangement with a friend whereby we give each other a days childcare a week.
Over the time we have been doing it I think it has worked out well, an even split of days and the children are growing up close, generally it is lovely.
But... The other child comes here no matter how ill, how upset etc etc
Today, the drop off included the immortal lines 'watch out for the runny bum, it's been going a week, I've got to fill a sample pot for the doc tonight'.....
AIBU to think that if there is this illness as a courtesy perhaps it needn't come into our home? Should I just forget it and not rock the boat?
I would appreciate a few words of wisdom

YANBU - esp with something like diarohhea which is really contagious........I wouldnt have dreamt of leaving my DS if he had something like that and your friend shouldnt have left her DC with you!

Yanbu at all. Just tell her straight that you won't look after her dc if he is ill with a tummy bug or anything else contagious, apart from just a cough or cold. A childminder wouldn't take a sick child and it's not fair on your dc if they catch something.

If it's bad enough for a doctor to need to know about it your friend she should be providing the care for her ill child.

out of order

my friend's child has just been hospitalised because of a particular nasty d&v virus - I'd be extremely unhappy

OP YANBU

I'd be peeved to say the very least if someone delivered an infectious child like that. Not just because of the worry of my DCs catching whatever it is the poor thing has got, but because a poorly child needs to be at home being looked after by a parent or GP not plonked on whoever is available.
I'm not particularly polite or unwilling to "make a fuss" and I think I'd have shouted her back as she dropped her DC off and made her take him? her? home again. Like I say though, I wouldn't be bothered about buggering up her day or upsetting her or anything. I'd just want her to look after her sick child and not dump him/her on me. It's not fair on you, your child, or the sick child to do what she's done.

The child has already been dropped off. not much you can do, tell the mother later you cant have ill child again with bum trouble.
In the meantime keep your child away from runny bum and sterlize all the toys after runny bum has gone!!!!

YANBU. Wrong of her to risk you an yours getting infected too.

Just out of interest what does she do on the day you have her dc ?

I think it is unexceptionable to send a sick child into someone else's home.

The only vaguely mitigating factor might be that she goes to work and can't take the day off. Even then though it doesn't excuse it, I'd still say something.

unexceptionable = unacceptabe

agggghhh --- unacceptable

At the other end of the spectrum you get the odd nursery/ child minder who sends a child home at the first sign of a cold. I've got one who has had a runny nose for best part of 6 years now. The same one was also prone to loose bowels. Turned out to be nothing but he was forever being sent home from nursery (I said I'd change nursery to them in the end and it stopped) - the rest of the family never had anything similar. It was put down to immature digestion.

I'm guessing from what you write the child with the runny bum is with you so you've already all been exposed and as a result are doing extra hand washing etc. So a bit late to react to really.

You could however use it as a point to bring up discussion about which illnesses etc you're prepared to do i.e. coughs and colds fine, but chickenpox, fever etc are not - and this would be reciprocated.

It sounds like a very convenient arrangement - one I'd love to have been able to have, but you could use the runny tum as an opener to discuss what you would do if the illness was more significant.

YANBU - I wouldn't let a child (or an adult) over the threshold with a runny bum. I have caught an endless number of sickness bugs from DD over the past almost 2 years, I catch everything and I wouldn't be willing to risk it! And I wouldn't be shy about saying it either - sometimes you've just suffered enough and can't face any more!

YANBU! Selfish of the other Mother for obvious reasons and the child might be more comfortable at home if feeling unwell. I have never, ever sent my child to school/minder whilst i know they are ill. The patronising advice from teachers ie - do not send children to school if they are unwell, really gets on my wick. I hold people like your friend responsible!

I would have told her to take the poorly child back home with her TBH!

Thank you lovely MNers, no, mine didn't go over there this week.
The two days are working days for each of us, childcare is very exp in this area so we are saving each other a big chunk of £, our baby share is also down to a limited pool of family for both of us to call on in an emergency.
Thank you for your help, the dettol is out and come careful words being composed.
Calling in with sick child doesn't go down well for either of us sadly, we now that it shouldn't be that way but.....

Ah feck! Two of us with diarrhoea! Feckin brilliant!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

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