AIBU about my name?

[Afropop]

My full first name isn't common at all. And though easy to say when you know there is one sticking point about it. Because it is in another language one of the letters makes a different sound. I suppose like w said as a v (like in german) or maybe a single s said like ss not z.

The short version of my name is what most people call me and this doesn't have that problem (it is a very recognisable name)

Anyway some people call me by my full name (mainly people I have known for years but aren't best friends with)

I was talking to one if them tonight on the phone and she said my full name but said it incorrectly. I corrected her (didn't say anything just said my name back as it should be said)

Her reply was 'to get over myself Afropop. You never corrected us when we first met.'

This is true. When we met, we we were 5. I didn't correct people. I was a shy 5 year old. But once I was around 10 I started to correct people- everyone, people i met, teachers, classmates and friends.
Most took it on board but 4 friends did not.
Whenever I correct them the reply is always that i didn't when we first met and I should have.

So really AIBU to keep correcting them about the pronunciation about my name?

No. Some might say it's petty but it's important to you, it's part of your identity. I also have a name which is quite uncommon and which people mispronounce - imagine someone saying SusEn instead of SusAN - and it really bugs me when they do it. I perservere with repeating it correctly as you do rather than saying, "Hey, it's not that, it's this!". IMHO it's far politer to do that then to have someone say get over yourself because you gently remind them of the pronounciation.

God she sounds like a rude cow. Saying someone's name correctly is part of respecting them.

Afro if she continues to mispronounce it after being politely corrected I would start miss pronouncing her name - see if she "gets over herself"

Rude woman.

tell her to grow up and behave like the friend she claims to be.

She is rude.

But Graham - with my accent I pronounce some vowels differently to the received English way. I can't actually say some sounds in the queens english manner e.g. a. So people may not be being rude, but simply have an accent.

No, yanbu. Pronouncing someone's name properly is about basic respect.

How rude! Just re-iterate yourself and if she makes that comment again just say what you have here, you were too small to be so forceful.
Then say their name wrong in spite.

YANBU to correct it, but language is a funny old thing isn't it. When I visit Greece, the Grecians use their pronunciation of my name, same in most countries I've visited. I sigh and live with it.

BUT for a friend to dismiss you, that's plain rude... unless the pronunciation includes sounds that aren't common in her language, if that makes sense.

Its like Paella. I will always say Pi-el-ah. Becuase saying Pi-ay-ah feels weird to me. I've anglicised it. I'm not being disrespectful.

On the fence with this one. If she's always called you that, since you were 5 and only now you're correcting her, I think its one thing to let go.

If I'd been your friend I'd be apologetic for not knowing my friend's name after all these years!

Though I can understand if she's irritated that you haven't corrected her before now, as you must have had many opportunities.

How did you correct her - in a neutral way, friendly way, or with irritation?

I too have a name that's tricky for Brits. So I feel your pain!

YANBU

Fair enough they may have your name 'stuck' in their head differently to how it's really pronounced, but after a couple of times of telling them you'd think they'd bloody get it right

Thing is I have been correcting her (and others) since I was 10 so lets see nearly 18 years.
I just repeat my name back but said correctly maya

Oh god, then she is being a prat.

I have a similar issue with my name and tbh I put up with most people saying it wrong, I'll correct them a few times, but -when- if they keep saying it wrong, I'll just answer to that...but not an actual friend, then I expect then to know my name.

Saying that, someone I went to school with had a nickname - which she no longer ever uses, but that's how I think of her, that's how I've always thought of her and I almost always forget to call her by her real name.

I don't think YABU. We have a similar problem with DPs name. It's not a name or word found in the English language, and is pronounced in his native accent.

When I first met him, all of his friends at uni pronounced his name phonetically, (basically like an English person would pronounce it if they saw it written down). But that's totally wrong - the emphasis is on the wrong syllables and the r should be rolled.

So I called him by the English pronunciation for a while until he corrected me. I was then very embarrassed. By that time, all of my friends and family were calling him by the English pronunciation too. We've never corrected them. To be honest, they even manage to mess the English version up so it seems like it would be too complicated to get them to change now (years later). I think DP would like to be called by his proper name, but he's so weary of trying - when meeting someone new he gives up after being asked to repeat a couple of times, so basically everyone except his family and school friends call him by the English version.

It's complicated because I have to remember to pronounce the name properly in front of his family, but the English way with everyone else. Our wedding should be interesting later this year. Firstly, his family will probably be offended that my family pronounce his name wrong. Then everyone will have to listen to me try to roll my r's during the vows.

She is rude! Please start doing this from now on - whenever you see her or talk to her, mispronounce her name. everty time

Is she asks you why, calmly tell her you will say her name correctly when she days your name correctly.

What's your name?!

I understand why you feel like this, but certain words or sounds are very difficult to master or just feel 'wrong' in the mouth of a native english speaker, and much though we might try to correct ourselves it would feel self-conscious and odd to do so, and eventually over time we would slip back into saying it the way our brains/mouths want to. A typical example would be the stereotype of chinese 'flied lice'.

I think her reaction to your request was a bit off though - she could have been nicer about it.

She's damn rude! If you'd only just started correcting her, without explanation, I could see her point, but 18 years is a long time, surely she can manage it by now. If I were you, next time I'd tell her very sympathetically "If you can't manage it, don't worry, you can just stick to calling me [shortened version]"

I think Yanbu it's annoying

My niece is Ines pronouced In - ess

People somehow have a massive problem with it & call her In - iss

Or Eye - enze..

Drives me mad!

YANBU, why do people insist on not using your name properly?

My DD has a beautiful, recognisable but fairly uncommon name. People drive me daft by adding an 'a' to the beginning of it, therefore making it a different and more common/popular name. But its not hers!!! I always emphasise her name and will politely correct anyone who mispronounces it, yet the minority will still call her their version. It can't be that hard can it? It's a 4 letter name FFS!

I am shocked that after being corrected so many times they consider it ok to basically tell you to shut up.....unless they see it as a type of childhood nickname version of your name

YANBU I hate it. My name isn't complicated at all and it gets mispronounced (and misspelt) constantly! Same with my surname.

Poor DD has a sod of a last name, so we deliberately chose an easy spell/say first name.

I have a first name and a surname that no-one can spell, and the first name regularly gets mispronounced, so you have my sympathies. The long version of my name was ditched from the get-go, when it became apparent that no-one would be able to say it correctly.

This is me!
I have a double barrelled name and when I started school people started shortening it, I didn't care, like the OP I was 5 and had more important things to worry about.
A few years ago I realised that I hated it. I. Started a job and a new hobby at the same time and decided it would be a good time to stop people shortening it. It mostly works. All new people are fine with it, some have said 'do you mind if I shorten it?' and I've said 'yes I do actuall' and that's been the last discussion on it.
It's been a slightly different process with my old friends. They do remember but it takes them a bit longer 'hi ICan Tuck'
They are getting there bless them, it must have been hard and 25 years!
Keep on correcting her and completely ignore her comments, just pretend you haven't heard them, or start mid-pronouncing hers all the time. She'll soon learn!

I once worked with a girl whose SIL was called (German I think?) and called Beate, which I think is pronounced Bay-Art-Ay, but my colleague insisted on always calling her Beauta - pronounced like the first syllable of beautiful, with an 'ah' sound on the end. She admitted herself that the girl pronounced it Bay-Art-Ay, but she had seen it written down, misread it, and decided that it looked like beaut-iful and so thats how she was going to say it, because it was easier to remember for her.

The friends who haven't changed aren't being deliberately rude; this is what they've been saying since they were 5 year olds too, and some people find it harder to change than others.

It's a bit like family nicknames - one of my siblings finds it very hard to call me anything other than one nn I had (I think briefly) as an infant, but as it was a formative period for him, it stuck.

The key question here to me is what are you going to do about these childhood friends? I'm guessing that they are people who, apart from this, you do care about as friends, else they wouldn't have lasted in your life this long. As a general comment, adult people don't like being corrected; specifically here, we're talking about a life-long speech habit.

I suggest you do not keep correcting every time they get it wrong, nor introduce more rudeness by getting their names wrong (unless you want that atmosphere) I would suggest you talk to them (again?) quite separately from anything else, and say what you put in OP.

I hope you can make headway on this, as you do sound tense about it. But it might be worth thinking now what to do if the speech habit proves insurmountable. Is there any way you can turn it into an affectionate relic of the past, or even a long-standing joke? And then be on the same side as your childhood friends, laughing at their peculiarity?