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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my kids to have things thrown over the fence while they play?

25 replies

edwardrocks · 16/02/2012 22:01

This is my first post but I am so mad I want to let off steam and get some advice. We live next door to 5 boys. 2 in mid teens, youngest in reception (in my daughter's class), other 2 in ks2. Over last Summer we had lots of things thrown from their garden to ours, toys, stones, dummies!, sticks; a bow and arrow. We have asked the children not to do this. Or is easy ho start a conversation as they climb op the fence and stare into our garden. We have been round to see the parents about this last year - in a quite light hearted manner. My youngest is 18 months and yesterday they launched a thich bamboo pole into our garden, narrowly missing his head.
I shouted over to the children, politely but firmly about what had happened. Dh was out running so I couldn't go straight round. He has been round today and sais their Dad tried to laugh it off. I am so pissed off - I feel like my kids aren't safe in the garden. Don't know what to do if it continues.

OP posts:

mrscumberbatch · 16/02/2012 22:03

I'd phone the police if they're being menaces. That's completely unnaceptable not to mention dangerous.

Take a picture of anything they throw over. Take it up with the parents again and explain that if they don't do something about it you'll be forced to take it further.

mummymccar · 16/02/2012 22:03

You should just keep everything that they throw over. If the parents kick up a fuss tell them that you've tried to sort it out before and that this is the last resort. If they want their things back then they have to assure you it won't happen again. If it does then just keep the things again until the family learn.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 16/02/2012 22:05

Throw back everything they throw over, as close to the adults as you can get.

Thetokengirl · 16/02/2012 22:06

Our neighbours got a collection of 15 football in their garden, kicked over from ours. I didn't even know we owned 15 footballs. When they handed them all back in one go, I was so embarrassed that it hasn't happened since.

jellybeans · 16/02/2012 22:08

I would report it. Is it rented housing or private? If theirs is rented, I would complain to the council/hosuing ass./landlord. Also contact police and report it as it is actually possible harm if they are throwing missiles near small children. I have 5 children and am always checking they aren't too rowdy in the garden and they respect the neighbours so wouldn't do anything like that anyway. If they did i would be mortified and never laugh it off. It is a pain being next door to antisocial neighbours, what are they like in general as neighbours?

TinkerSailerSoldierSpy · 16/02/2012 22:11

Keep everything they throw over and bin it.

Original poster

edwardrocks · 16/02/2012 22:13

They are generally very nice. Parents are never out in the garden with them. We live in a nice area. It is private housing. Apologies for typos in OP. Am still really pissed off. If my kids did anything like that, they would be sent round to apologise.

OP posts:

Beamur · 16/02/2012 22:15

Plant a really big hedge.

Dustinthewind · 16/02/2012 22:16

Community police officer to have a word about anti-social behaviour with the children and their parents. I had the opposite problem for a while, so I erected poles and netting to stop DS communicating by throwing stuff into next door's garden. whilst I worked on why it was not OK.

Original poster

edwardrocks · 16/02/2012 22:19

Beamur - am training rose over bit of the fence where they climb. I have to stand with these people in the playground for the next 6 years. I would have liked to be friends.

OP posts:

Beamur · 16/02/2012 22:21

I get on well with my neighbours, but their kids started climbing into the garden, so I had a chat with their Mum - she told them to stop, they didn't, so I put up a couple of feet of trellis on top of the wall. We are all still friends.
Roses are a great idea - pretty and thorny!

Dustinthewind · 16/02/2012 22:22

If they continue to throw things, one of your children might be seriously injured. Poles and stones are not OK. Or small metal cars.
You need to get it stopped, so you could go and share your concerns properly and then tell them you hope you won't have to take it any further. Then they have a warning.

Dustinthewind · 16/02/2012 22:23

Roses won't stop the throwing though.

tigerlillyd02 · 16/02/2012 22:25

Oh gosh, what a pain. I'd probably be tempted to throw them back and hope they took the hint, but then the kids would probably see this as a game and do it all the more.

It's hard to do anything about it if you want to remain friendly but they're not meeting you half way, as the only other option I can think of is reporting it which will then likely cause some bad feeling.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/02/2012 22:29

I have two boys and a smallish garden. They throw stuff, mostly at each other. Sometimes it sails over the fence into next door. They are not deliberately throwing things into next door's garden, the things just end up there. Could that be the case with you OP?

Next door to us there are two well-behaved little girls. Stuff rarely comes over in the other direction.

Ineedalife · 16/02/2012 22:30

We have the same problem on both sides, one side it is the grandchildren that throw stones over . The other side 2 boys throw anything they can get their hands on. Last summer the youngest also broke the fence that we paid for to see where he stuff was going.

We have never had any kind of apology or offer to repair the damage and are really fed up with it.

We dont throw any thing back now!

The stones i used to gather up and place in a pile on the wall between the houses but i decided that was just giving them more ammo.

Original poster

edwardrocks · 16/02/2012 22:33

ER I am aware of having a girl and my boy toddler not being able to launch things yet. However, I can't find an excuse for throwing stones and these thick bamboo poles. I'm sure they were not intended to hit my children but that won't stop them from doing so.

OP posts:

startail · 16/02/2012 22:34

Frisbees and balls are one thing, sticks and stones are another. Have a word with the parents, but a nice polite word.

The frisbee that narrowly mused a beautiful delphinium was me

hiddenhome · 16/02/2012 22:38

I agree that the trellis might be a good start. It's a useful way of giving height to a fence. You can then train plants onto it.

Keep everything that comes over. Don't give it back. Just be friendly, but remind them that you have very small children and it's a matter of safety. They should keep their kids under better control. If mine did that they'd lose their missiles toys immediately.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/02/2012 22:44

My neighbours haven't complained yet, but nothing dangerous has gone over, mostly balls, frisbees, water pistols, aeroplanes of various descriptions.....

TheMonster · 16/02/2012 22:47

This used to happen to my mum in her old house, but it wasn't a nice area. Sadly, that took my brother having a rather threatening go a word to sort it.
It's dangerous behaviour. If speaking to them doesn't stop it I would contact the police.

Dustinthewind · 16/02/2012 22:47

Balls can squash carefully tended plants though. Same with a serious frisbee launch.

Tiddlyompompom · 17/02/2012 00:00

I guess I'd go around once more and have a polite (but not light hearted) word with the parents, asking them to speak to their boys about it, but telling them very clearly that a serious accident could have happened, and that this is the last time you will speak to them nicely about it - next time you'll simply shout directly at the boys, and tell them in no uncertain terms that it is not ok to throw things over. They are all old enough to know its bad behaviour. You don't have to be a doormat to stay on good terms with your neighbours, in fact, setting this boundary now could prevent future trouble, esp if they're doing creepy stuff like climbing up and staring into your garden... If it happens on one more occasion, put a great big high net up above the fence, and damn well don't return anything chucked over. Once the habit's broken you can take the net down, but it prob means having it up all this summer...

skybluepearl · 17/02/2012 00:00

those boys are old enough to know better and to show some respect. it's both rude and dangerous. don't throw anything back but do bin everything that comes your way. also grow some bushes along

skybluepearl · 17/02/2012 00:03

or next time they do it shout at them loudly/crossly then hose them down with freezing water.

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