to feel so sad? Please tell me to cheer up! Non maternal feelings scare me.

[Newmummytobe79]

I've spent the day with my friends and their children and I've had a lovely day but now I'm home I just feel so empty and sad.

I love my friends and their children are such good kids but I just don't feel I'm very good with all the kid talk and running around playing with them.

Will this come with time?

I love my baby more than words but I'm not clingy and I'm more than happy to hand over to friends for cuddles - I am a very loving mother, but more so when we're at home alone or with DH.

I love my DH very much but I'm not into public displays of affection - can it be the same with children?

Not had much sleep so think the deprivation may be clouding my emotions today!

Noticed I've been very up and down this week so I may just need a good nights sleep.

I've nothing to moan about in life really (DH works long hours etc but no real dramas) - so why do I feel so sad? :(

Please tell me to cheer up and tomorrow is another day! :)

CUATIAD.

I love my children. I very much like it when I am not with them though, at an astonishingly frequent rate.
This used to worry me, it doesn't anymore. I've been doing this for years now and they seem to be turning into fairly normal human beings.

Cheer up

I'm not a huggy person as a rule. There are certain people I hug loads including my children. I too was happy to hand them over for lots of cuddles with friends and family it didn't mean I loved then any less I was just happy to share them around everyone loves a baby and I'm delighted my sil is the same as when we meet her 2 week old baby gets handed straight over for lots of lovely cuddles and I'm also delighted I get to hand him back afterwards.
I wasn't particularly a natural with the playing with small children but my oldest is 9 this year and I'm now the fun mum. All the kids want to come to my house because I've learnt along with my own children.

The early days are really tough. You are tired and can barely remember what a light is never mind see one at the end of a tunnel. It does get easier and we're all different and all parent in different ways. I'm sure you're doing a fab job. My youngest is nearly 2 and although I haven't forgotten it was hard I actually can't really remember what it feels like.

Cheer up - you're probably just knackered! (how old is your baby?)

I always feel like other parents are doing it better than me - as they are "proper" parents and I am some kind of imposter!!

And - you will learn to be the absolute best playmate for your baby because you will know her/him better than anyone else in the world!

Think u r tired, don't worry, u sound like a lovely normal mum, tbh I detest women who seem to devour their children, the types that talk to them all the bloody time when in adult company and the sort who follow them into soft play in case they, shock horror, get bumped.

I have 4 Dcs, love them to the ends of the earth but love adult time as well.

Being a mum doesn't mean you have to love all children and kid stuff. I am also happy to hand mine over to other people at any opportunity. And I think I am a good mum. :)
Have confidence.

aww, don't worry. it's totally normal in those first months

my DD is 2 and i still have days like that! it's all perfectly reasonable and normal and expected.

your tiredness is making you feel sad, and that's ok. things will get soooo much better and soooo much easier, i promise.

(playing with kids bores me quite a bit, some people are better at it than others, i much prefer when they are a little older and you can take them to the cinema or out to lunch for a chat)

How old is your baby?

I suspect you are very tired, and frankly it isn't all a bundle of joy when they are little. I expect you are worn down and finding things a little wearing. I used to have frequent escape fantasies when mine were little and never had problems leaving them with other people.

This is all despite loving them very much. I think it's a bit much to ask that you be cock-a-hoop at playing with other peoples' children at this stage. I like playing with other peoples' children and babies now, but that's because mine are 11 and 8.

Tomorrow is another day!

You are totally normal. Your friends have been parents for longer than you and have built up their skills and whilst you are still learning they just seem so much more experienced and capable at it. I remember feeling completely and utterly intimidated when our first baby was tiny and feeling I would never ever learn to do it properly. Every step along the way is a learning curve - and it still is even now ours are 17 and 13.

I think you are doing the really hard bit fwiw. Also you don't say how old your baby is. Has baby just started to drop the odd feed. I remember the four or five days before my first period with a small baby feeling so low and so depressed I thought the world might end and that is not my usual nature so it might be a little bit of normality creeping back on you unexpectedly.

It's lack of sleep, and also babies are dull.

I count my blessings neither of mine were/are clingy babies as I really would not have dealt well with that. I worried in exactly the same way as you seem to be (I think I started a thread on here about it, something like "I'm not a natural mummy, help!") but then with DD she was about 9 months things started to fall into place, and by 18 months you wonder that it could ever have been different. DH used to think it odd I never told DD I loved her, and I thought I didn't need to as it should be obvious through actions - I accepted I was being odd so did start saying it and she's 3 now and it's so lovely when she throws her arms around you and says "I love you mummy!" You get so much more back from them when they're bigger. You learn how to interact with kids as they get more interactive. Your friend's kids are already running around, but they don't get there overnight. It's a process, a learning process for both of you.

I never got the "rush of love" thing at birth, but the more I get to know my kids, and the more I see their personalities developing, the more in love with them I fall... and snuggling on the sofa with a cosy toddler/preschooler is bliss.

I think you sound perfectly normal. I'm not really given to huge displays of affection but I do enjoy cuddles with DD, and hug my mates when we meet up.

However, babies are boring. As they get older, they get more interesting. Now DD is walking and starting to talk, I enjoy time with her. I also enjoy the time I am not with her, when I am at college, or having home-study (with MIL and FIL babysitting).

I'm looking forward to more interaction as she gets older.

- flowers because you are a tired new mum. It'll be fine

Well I don't know you and I don't know your life but I do know that sleep is EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

BUT - actually I think that loving your baby more than words but also being OK to hand them over is just healthy, really.

Hope you actually don't read this until tomorrow because you are sleeping! You will be fine!

Hey, it's fine. Maternal feelings grow, ebb and flow. Feel how you feel and be happy with the face that you feel most natural and at home when it's you, your DH and your baby. That's the way it should be!

i became slowly better with toddlers/kids when mine reached toddlerhood. there is nack to it. it takes time to develop and it's helped hugely by the fact that kids are much more interesting than babies. i remember being all shy about chatting in public to my first baby but with age it felt more normal. the love just grows and grows over time. it's also really normal to be sleep deprived/up and down as a result. what ever you do don't judge yourself against other people. think of all the things you are doing well and i bet you are doing lots! what would a friend say to you if told her of your worries? One things for sure, she wouldn't be as hard as you are being on yourself.

thank you all so much for your kind comments and for confirming I am normal! :)

I did sleep last night and am feeling much better for it.

Looking forward to spending time with my baby today - fingers crossed the feeling is mutual!