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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at being called a liar?

49 replies

Kayzr · 16/02/2012 17:10

I went out for coffee this morning with a friend (Shall call her A) who has a 7 week old DD. There was my friend, another of her friends (Shall call her B), a mutual friend (Shall call her C) and myself there this morning.

Only my friend with the 7wo and myself have DCs. The other 2 are in steady long term relationships. No children and from what they said today no plans for a while.

Anyway.

A said that her DD slept all night last night. We all said how that it was nice they got some rest and sleep. A said she was in a bit of a panic this morning when she realised, but was hoping this might be that start of more sleep.

I said that I had been like that with DS1 when he first slept through the night. C asked how old he was when he started to sleep through. I told them he was about 6.5 weeks when he started to sleep from 7-7 about 5/6 times a week.

A said that there was hope for her DD starting to sleep through then. But B said that I was obviously lying. I asked why I was lying and she said that people who say that their DCs sleep through at a young age are lying. She said she didn't have an actual reason for this but that they are lying.

I have seen it on MN too. People say that you are lying if you say that your baby is sleeping through.

Why? Is it to make new mums feel better about themselves if their baby doesn't sleep?

I have been at both ends of the sleep thing. DS1 was 6.5 weeks and DS2 was 11 months old before he slept all night and about 15 months before it was a regular occurence?

OP posts:

Original poster

Kayzr · 16/02/2012 18:34

Yes it very precise. It was the day after my 21st birthday so I know exactly when he first slept all night.

OP posts:

Mishy1234 · 16/02/2012 18:43

I don't think people are lying (why would they?), but I am envious.

I do wonder how on earth they manage to get from 7-7 though without getting hungry, especially when they are just weeks old. Mine were always feeding every 3-4 hours without fail.

For those who have had several children all sleep through from an early age. Do you have any tips?

bruffin · 16/02/2012 18:44

However, some friends who said their dc slept through had a different definition to us, they called 11pm or so to about 5 am all night. to me all night was from 7.20 to 7.00.

To me sleeping through is going to bed before you do and not waking up in the morning. In our case about 10 for a last feed and waking up about 7, so a good 9 hours. My dcs are teenagers now and never ever slept from 7-7

MrsDobalina · 16/02/2012 18:48

I am so of you all

YANBU. But I have noticed that different people have different definitions of sleeping through the night. My friend genuinely thought her baby slept through and thought the 3 times she got up to feed him every night didn't count. I say my 2 sleep through the night but what I actually mean is I don't feed them back to sleep. I still get up 2-3 times a night to put thrown off covers on/provide water/cuddle them after a nightmare.

Ooh I've just outed myself as one of those liars

TandB · 16/02/2012 18:54

YANBU

DS1 slept through from 7 weeks - about 11 to 7, and was doing 7 to 7 by about 4 months.

DS2 is generally going at least 5 hours before waking and did over 7 hours last night. He is nearly 6 weeks. I am hoping against hope that he is going to emulate his brother's sleep patterns.

Idocrazythings · 16/02/2012 19:01

I used to think they were liars ? until my second one did it! And she was fully breast fed! To my detriment though, as I ended up in hospital with IV antibiotics for a nasty case of mastitis!!! Can't win either way really. I think it's just the baby as my first and third never slept all night and I have done everything the same!

Frikadellen · 16/02/2012 19:05

Many babies start sleeping through around 6 weeks so Id say both of you had perfectly normal babies. I do find "experts" without children tiresome.

bruffin · 16/02/2012 19:19

"I do find "experts" without children tiresome."

Some of the "experts" on MN are bad enough. How many times do you get "babies are not meant to sleep through because their stomachs aren't big enough" on here!

Glittertwins · 16/02/2012 19:36

Our two did it at 8 weeks on the nose. I remember very well as I was out when DH put them to bed and I woke up in the morning panicking because they were still asleep. Cue copious prodding from me to make sure they were still breathing!

bringbacksideburns · 16/02/2012 19:43

Love a judgemental person without kids telling you that!

I remember when pregnant with dd, my dh came home from work to tell me some woman there had been informing him that her child slept through from 4 weeks.
I was mad with fury as it felt like boasting to me at the time. Plus, i suppose i was thinking of ds not being like that. I was most vexed. I informed him she was telling porkies and it couldn't possibly be true.

Then dd was born and slept through from 6 weeks

AmyGarumi · 16/02/2012 19:45

For some reason I also thought I was an expert on babies before I'd had one. I think it came from listening to too many radio phone-ins and having younger cousins. Luckily, my dsis was very patient and I was the first of my friends to have a baby, otherwise I probably would have been the subject of many an aibu

Friend B was very rude and your baby is an excellent sleeper OP Ds first slept through from about 18-24 months.

PoultryInMotion · 16/02/2012 19:48

What a silly woman! (her, not you OP!)

I remember taking DD into work to show her off when she was just over a week old. The cleaner there told me I just had to persevere until 10 weeks because thats when they sleep through. My mother concurred, saying DB and I were both sleeping through (ie 7-6) by that age.

Imagine how gutted I was that it actually took DD 16 months I hope baby-in-utero is a bit more like your DS1 when it comes to sleeping OP

fatlazymummy · 16/02/2012 20:13

bruffin I agree 'sleeping through' means different things to different people. To me it means that I don't have to get out of bed to feed them. I only need 6 hours of sleep a night, so I aimed to get them to sleep from 12-6 to start with, then they gradually got a little bit earlier to bed and a little bit later to wake up.
I never put them to bed as early as 7 pm anyway, so I guess some people would say they have never slept through.

Secrecy · 16/02/2012 21:47

Hell no! I would have given her eye-contact and said "excuse me?" or words to that effect.

Am also of the sleeping through!

aldiwhore · 16/02/2012 21:50

YABU to only be slightly annoyed at someone, even a friend of a friend calling you a liar to your face! I'd be seething.

I think there is a lot of boasting from people to give the impression of a perfect routine with a perfect child, but that doesn't make all of them liars... pity the ones that do lie of course.

GRRR on your behalf.

notveryinventive · 16/02/2012 21:55

With DC1 I called sleeping through from 11pm till 5AM. He was 5 weeks.

DC2 was about 3 monthsish. Cant remember exactly.

DC3 I want to say straight away, but she did get up for 1 feed in the night, but went straight back down. She is nearly 5 months and has been going to bed at 8 until we get up in the morning (anytime between half 7 and half 8 depending on our plans) for the last 3 months.

mummymccar · 16/02/2012 22:01

Are you sure your friend isn't jealous? I know somebody who does this and it is just her way of dealing with not having had a baby yet. She claims she doesn't want one yet either but I know her and her DH have actually been trying. I think it is her way of coping if you see what I mean?

GoingForGoalWeight · 16/02/2012 22:05

You are not lyingm DS slept for up to eighteen hours a day, sometimes, (but he is blind). Whycan't people be a bit more openmided? including me abut things sometimes too

mumnotmachine · 16/02/2012 22:08

My daughter was 5 weeks old when she first slept through, and apart from when ill will happily sleep 12 hours

My son is 9.5 years and still doesnt sleep through the night every night, I get a full night off him maybe twice a week, but cant get annoyed as I am just as bad as he is......

OAM2009 · 16/02/2012 22:17

Was she joking?

Original poster

Kayzr · 16/02/2012 22:25

No she was not joking. I don't see her often as she's in her last year of uni. She was just here for the morning.

She's like this with lots of things. I've just never been at the receiving end of it before.

OP posts:

Nagoo · 16/02/2012 22:30

All of you make me want to stab myself in the head with jealousy.

So that is why I'd like to believe you are all lying.

la la la la la la

HandMini · 16/02/2012 22:32

It's a sensitive topic because some people don't believe it is luck of the draw whether or not your baby sleeps through and will conclude/imply that it's good parenting/routines that get a baby to sleep through and "you're doing something wrong" if your baby doesn't.

However, it's always wrong to call someone a liar when you have no proof of it.

Steer clear of these conversations. The best piece of parenting advice I ever got was not to be drawn into this kind of comparing your baby chat....my stock answer to how's she sleeping/feeding etc is 'we're doing ok', swiftly followed by subject change to what was on tv last night.

tigerlillyd02 · 16/02/2012 22:33

Some people have some nerve. Fancy calling someone a liar like that!! I'm amazed.

I do feel for you - that must have been very awkward, embarrassing and even upsetting. People are quick to call others a liar now - I can't think of any reason for it other than they must be extreme liars themselves, otherwise it surely wouldn't even cross their mind that someone else must be lying, without having good reason?

I see it all the time - on here especially. I'm surprised it happens in RL too.

Of course, any parent knows that babies differ enormously between ages they sleep through. DS slept through very early on and then at around 4/5 months he got reflux and he never slept through then until I stopped his formula at 12 months. They all vary, they all go through phases. It's not uncommon for a young baby to sleep through - in fact I thought they did so more when they were younger than when they were older :)

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