Bloody x and maintenance.

[Lazydaisy55]

I could not find a single parent thread, so am posting here because I am so pissed off. X left me nearly 5 years ago and has paid about £200 in maintenance for our son. He is very good at working the system with the CSA. He gets a job and by the time the CSA have caught up with him he has left the job. He should have been paying me £60 pw for the last spell of working, but that has now been added to his arrears. He is now claiming benefits again and because son stays everyother weekend he does not have to pay any maintenance. I am so fucked off with him and his lack of financial contribution. He wont even pay for half of son's birthday party, again its all left for me to pay.

I don't expect anyone to have constructive advice, needed to get it out of my system.

Sorry - I know how you feel Lazy, in almost the same boat over here, x has never paid a penny for our 2DDs (in fact borrowed money from ME over Christmas for his son so he could buy him a present - as his ex step mum I felt guilty so helped out, but never again).
Sucks doesn't it.

I have no constructive advice, except that the CSA are a bunch of useless twunts, who couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery, even if the beers were placed in their hands.

The CSA take SO long to process a change of circumstance (like your Ex getting a job, and therefore coming off benefits), that by the time they have finished processing the Change of circumstances, there has been ANOTHER change of circumstances. So they are forever chasing their tail, while the RP gets sod-all maintenance. A figure 'added' to the arrears is worth precisely FUCK ALL if you know it's never going to be enforced or PAID.

Though, if you put in an official complaint to the CSA, and 'escalate' the complaint - you CAN get them to try enforcement action. They CAN send in bailiffs (though they don't like to), they CAN deduct an amount from the JSA for arrears (why aren't they doing this?) - If he doesn't need to pay 'current' maintenance due to the reduction for overnight stays, then that £5 SHOULD be put towards his arrears. You need to get in quickly though, if he has other debts that may be being taken out of his JSA, then they can't take more than a certain amount.

IF that IS the case - you can put in a complaint that you should be getting £5 a week for the arrears he owes, and as you aren't, you EXPECT that bailiffs will be sent in to recover the maintenance debt, OR for you to start receiving £5 a week deducted from his JSA to pay the arrears.

Seriously, I'd put in a complaint. I have done this before - long story, but I ended up getting half the amount my Ex owed my DD as compensation from the CSA for their 'maladministration'. Never going to see the other half of the money, granted, but it helped to pay off SOME of my debts that I had incurred through caring for DD, like childcare costs that had mounted up.

You'll find many, many people here in the same boat OP

YASNBU.

Are the CSA only useless when it comes to feckless parents? Only because when we were going through them for DSS (we just pay his mum separately now) they had an underpayment processed and deducted from his wages within about 3 weeks!

(BTW - have spoken to them many, many times. It is farcical how with every single person you seem to have to go through the same story.)

CSA are pretty shit. I've just had my first payment after making a claim 7 months ago, even though ex hasn't changed jobs. CSA had the money from ex in their account (its now on an attachment of earnings order) for 13 days before sending it to me as well, couldn't give a reason. Have to phone at least three numbers every time I call, without fail get told I've gone through to the wrong office, phone this number, that then also turns out to be wrong...they're a disgrace.

No helpful advice OP, just wanted to say you're not alone and be proud that you're the one doing the right thing by your son. I firmly believe my ex will get his comeuppance and I sincerely hope yours does too.

my cousin has been going through the same thing for 10 years.Her ex knows how to work the system aswell,he takes a job and when they catch up with him,he leaves that job and so on.She has kept a diary of every phone call and letter she has written to them,they say they will write to him,she says he wont reply,they will phone him,again he doesnt answer,and then they give him so many days and warnings and then he comes out of work and it all starts all over again,why they dont just take it from his wages as soon as he starts work i dont know.i will write down and say what huntycat has said and maybe she will get somewhere..he is a horrible person,his son doesnt stay with him as he is in a gay relationship and they both have hiv,and she doesnt like the men he has around and also he is an alcoholic. i think the whole system is completly wrong..

Hate to make it worse, but I have heard that all claims will be canncelled as of April 2012 and then you will be charged per month to claim for any money that goes through them. Not looking forward to that as it has taken me 5 years to sort out my money.

WTF has being Gay got to do with access and maintenance? Or being HIV positive? I DO feel you are being a bit judgy there - and homophobic.

The mother doesn't have a CHOICE who is around her son when he is with his father - if the child was born (or birth was registered) after 1st December 2003, then the father has equal PR (Parental responsibility), and she has NO say over things like that. If her Ex took her to court for access, or custody, or shared care - the courts would take a VERY dim view of that behaviour, for spurious reasons like "he is a horrible person,his son doesnt stay with him as he is in a gay relationship and they both have hiv,and she doesnt like the men he has around". There is no mention that he has been abusive or neglectful to his son in that. There is nothing in that passage that says that he is incapable of being a good father - except maybe the alcoholism, but you haven't elaborated on whether the alcoholism has caused him to abuse or neglect their son. If it hasn't, then there is no reason for your cousin to withold access.

Sorry, but mothers like that are the ones that give the rest of us Lone Parent mothers a bad name, and create problems in the system for US.

Same here he's paid about £300 in 6 yrs!
CSS caught up with him and declared he was £8k in arrears! I eventually had to write that debt off as if the bailiffs went (which is what he was threatened with) they would have taken his car laptop TV and the kids playstation.

This would have impacted my DC and the thought of them walking into his empty house with all "their" luxuries gone was heartbreaking.
It's a bastard but I can hold my head up high!

Urgh! I have written extensively on here about the 'new' CSA. If you think the current system is shite - just wait till it changes...

How do you fancy being CHARGED to use the CSA? Annually?

How do you feel about LOSING a percentage out of every tiny maintenance payment you DO receive?

How do you feel about your Ex having to pay MORE than you are going to receive, which will have the lovely side effect of pissing him off even more than going to the CSA currently does?

It's all going to happen...

CSA are shit. Years and years ago, DH paid through them for DSD. They wanted £400 a month off him, he didn't even earn £400 a month back then, (this was 17 years ago). Then when DSD moved in with us they kept demanding payment for DSD. Had to send them a copy of the residence order 3 times! Before they actually believed she lived with us. Then they started a claim against DH's ex, even though he asked them not to as he didn't want her money, (was more trouble than it was worth). We still get the occasional demanding letter from them now, even though we've moved several times, even though DSD has lived with us for more than 10 years, oh and even though she's 19 now and legally an adult! Useless feckers, just ignore their letters now.

I can see your logic, ohdear - it is different sending the bailiffs in when your dc are having regular access and some of the things THEY enjoy will be gone if the bailiffs go in. In my case, though, at the time, DD's father hadn't seen her since she was 18mo, and she was 10yo...So she wouldn't have missed anything.

And bailiffs CAN'T take anything that belongs to a child anyway - so they would have been unable to take the playstation. YES, they could have taken the laptop and the car - but I'm sure your dc weren't driving the car - and for your ex, there's always public transport, and the lack of a laptop for a few days is hardly going to kill your dc emotionally - mine had to go without for a full month while my Uncle couldn't afford the bill (I can't so he pays so they have access, but he was on holiday and couldn't pay the bill) - the worst they did was whinge a bit!

OK it caused problems with homework, but that was the lack of it for a full month, NOT just for a weekend of access.

And so IMO, I would STILL have sent the bailiffs in - because though my dc may miss out a little bit, it would have hammered the message home to him!

And I would have explained to my dc that if you owe someone money, and you don't pay it, then that is what happens. A child friendly explanation. If they then ask their father WHO he owed money to, either he has to man up and admit that it was THEM he owed money to, or he guffs his way out of it, and YOU then give a child-friendly explanation of a parent's financial responsibility towards their dc. Which will leave them with that knowledge when they are grown-up too!

Can I just say, that as my DCs have become older, my ExH has had to up his game a hell of a lot, because they started to notice that he was a twat with a lots of stuff, holidays and money who rarely saw them, whereas I was their mum who worked all hours and we just survived.

Don't make your DC guilty for loving their dad; but one day your DC will notice the reality.

My DCs have always known how much I have received in child support from their father, btw. I have done in this a (hopefully) calm and neutral way why having it go into a separate bank account.

rainnie It was stopped in the Lords - the government put through the bill to charge for the CSA as part of there welfare reforms and the Lords refused to put it through and voted against it

270 votes against the bill and 128 for the bill hopefully if they try to put this bill through again there is major support for single parents from old tory's from back in the 80's - now there is a surprise

In the same boat OP. Ex is self employed etc. bloody wanker. But you know what, at the end of the day I have learned to not care. I don't really go down that road anymore and ultimately my son is just that, mine (as in I'm the sole carer, he doesnt belong to me). Whatever that stupid sod does no longer bothers me. I support my son totally and I'm so happy to do that. Just rise above it OP and concentrate on the gorgeous child you are so obviously bringing up well.

I never contact my ex. He could fall off the planet for all I care. My son is a gorgeous well rounded teen now and soon to be a man. His dad called the other day and son talked to him but really didnt care either.

Rise above it and provide for him yourself.

Ok a positive note.

CSA are purely shit. That's a given. I put my claim in 2003 after 18 months of messing about off the ex. By 2006 ex was back in DS's life (yes he had ignored him all that time). We had a very long talk and I told him he had to pay all the money he owed me. I phoned the CSA and they gave me a figure that I would be due but he would also owe to them still. Its like a tax basically for having to use them.

Ex paid me £100 a week for a couple of years to pay it all off.

I did remind him that he still owed the CSA money.

Low and behold 2009 (he'd stopped seeing DS again but still paying) CSA finally get hold of him. Christ a blind person could have found him quicker!

Hahaha he had to pay them the money he owed them now didn't he hahahaha

It will happen but let's get it straight it took them just over 6 years for me! I was quicker than them.

Mine doesn't even pay the £5/week that he's been ordered to pay

Ah, my ex is the same. The CSA almost seem to encourage it!!