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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt and angry with dsis?

16 replies

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 07:35

My poor sister had an ectopic pregnancy in December and we were all there for her as we should be.
Fast forward to feb and since then my other sister has had her baby and I am now 6 wks pg,
I told my sister and was understanding (or so I thought) and she said congratulations and even came for dinner that evening.
We normally have a close relationship and her and her partner are ds1 godparents.

Sorry it's going on. Just wanted to give u all info!

So ds2 birthday party. Is gippo, according to her. It was In a indoor play area. And was his choice. ignored me and dp and left without saying bye.
Then my mum is looking after my 2 boys because i was having a scan. When I collected them ds1 who is nearly 11 told me that auntie had been saying bad things about me.
Apparently I was selfish. My children would suffer financially I'm a liar for not telling her we were ttc.
She then went on to say to ds1 your goin to be picked on at school. No more Nike only hitec. Er everyone is going to laugh.

My poor ds. He was more upset by the fact that she was insulting me but really is that necessary?

My mum told her to be quiet. Leave it and stop being nasty but my mum said she was just sitting there ranting. Aiu to be hurt and angry about this?

OP posts:

LoveHandles88 · 15/02/2012 07:41

YANBU to be hurt and angry. I guess she's hurting a lot and is maybe finding something to vent about. She may be quite bitter, and jealous. No excuse, but maybe a reason? I hope your ds is okay. Is he mature enough to vaguely understand why she may have said these things if you explained it to him?

troisgarcons · 15/02/2012 07:45

Indoor play areas and nike are gippo have I got that right?

Why are people going to dislike your 11yo at school? Because he will have a baby sibling?

TTC? lying? I'm afraid it's no one else's business (personally discussing TTC is like discussing your sex life) and it's absolutely a non-topic as far as I can see.

Your finances are nothing to do with anyone else unless you habitually borrow money. I'm assuming that isn't the case!

Unpleasant BUT your sister is still grieving for what might have been. Did she lose one of her fallopian tubes in the process of her ectopic pregnancy?

She's going to be very angry for a long time and everyone will suffer I'm afraid. You have to be the bigger person in this. She will probably be quite vicious all the way through your pregnancy unless she gets pregnant again herself.

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 07:46

Yeah I think so.
Hes quite sensitive and would more than likely say hes ok even if hes not.

I have played it down. I feel embarrassed that my sister would talk about me like that. There was lots of swearing and personal insults and now my sister and her partner have deleted my son from their phone? ( they have blackberrys and talk on the messaging service) I find this extremely childish and nasty why would someone treat a child like that?

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 15/02/2012 07:48

Is she saying things to your other sister (the one who had a baby recently)?

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 07:53

No trois she didn't. I think she has exaggerated a little . She miscarried and then a week later she went in because she had an infection. Something must have been retained. Her tubes were infected and she said that she thinks that pregnancy was ectopic.

No I don't borrow money. And dp earns well. But I have different priorities to my Sis.
She is very materialistic and Is very much into her appearance. Plastic surgery etc. Where as I am more natural. And happy goin to Cornwall for a holiday instead of abroad. But the main thing is my kids are really happy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 07:54

She is trying to take over. Offering to baby sit and my other sis said to my mum it's freaking her out. He's only been home 4 days and was 11 weeks early. Why would my Sis want to part with him?

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 15/02/2012 07:55

I wasnt implying you borrowed money - I was making the point that your finances were no one elses business - sorry if my remark came across as anything other.

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 07:58

trios no it didn't I was just trying to give u a bigger picture.

I know I'm hormonal because I'm pg. But I've never treated anyone like that! I go from feeling sad and upset to wanting to scratch her eyes out.

OP posts:

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 15/02/2012 08:53

Your sister is being a bitch, to put it bluntly.

She is jealous and wants something that she cant have right now, so she is taking her feelings out on you and your ds. I think you need to tell her that she upset him and that you will not allow her to do that again. Then make sure you don't allow it again.

Her hurt is understandable, but her behaviour is not. It would probably be worth talking to her to find out her take on it all.

lurkinginthebackground · 15/02/2012 09:01

She shouldn't be speaking to your dcs like that.
What a nasty piece of work she sounds if she instills the belief in children that anyone who isn't wearing designer clothes should be bullied.
The worls can do without parents like thet to be frank.

Panda1234 · 15/02/2012 09:24

She shouldn't be being horrible to you or your DS, at all.

But, it sounds like you're not really sure about what happened to her, and saying she's exaggerating what she went through is mean too. She could have had an ectopic that resolved by itself, or any number of other things.

Maybe you need to sit down and have a chat with her about her behaviour, but as part of that also find out what went on and if anything has happened since - for example, did she have a follow up appointment with bad news. You could also suggest she gets in touch with the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

It also sounds like you're getting a bit too involved with whether or not she's babysitting for your other sister, and your mum shouldn't be relaying gossip either. Just concentrate on your relationship with her and ignore the rest.

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouOldSlag · 15/02/2012 10:10

YANBU. I have lost three babies, and I was still nice to other people, pregnant or not.

Picking on your DS is totally out of order. I would give your Dsis some time away from you (i.e avoid her) and make it clear the behaviour is unacceptable. The rest is up to her.

Panda1234 · 15/02/2012 11:08

Ah, ok, it sounds like you've done everything you can. I've been through 2 eps myself and they mess with your head.

It sounds like your only option is to tell her again to stop and then do what YouOldSlag says and just let her sort herself out- although, if you can get through to her at all, I'd still recommend the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust as somewhere she can vent away to her heart's content without hurting anyone in real life. It sounds like she's doing herself more damage than anyone else, although it can't be fun for the rest of her family either.

YuleingFanjo · 15/02/2012 11:12

YANBU to pe utterly pissed off. She shouldn't have said all of that in front of your children.

Having miscarried myself and had a horrible time with infertility I can totally understand she is upset but this is going too far.

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 15/02/2012 11:20

Had to remove my last post coz I'm such a doughnut I posted her name

OP posts:

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