AIBU to wonder where it all went wrong?

[valkilly]

Ok maybe a bit dramatic but am feeling very down right now. DH & I are married 8 years, together for 13 and now have 2 DCs. We've had a bit of a rough patch since DC2 was born (she's now 6 months) but over the past few weeks, we've been getting on better. When I say rough patch, I mean being snappy with each other, misunderstandings etc - mostly due to adjusting to life with a baby in the house again I presumed.

So I was looking forward to spending a nice evening with DH, maybe takeaway and bottle of wine, but it didn't happen. Instead we spent most of the evening bickering at each other, ate pizza from the freezer, which DH ate in 10 minutes, before he went back upstairs to do some DIY in DD's soon-to-be new bedroom and then announcing at 10.30 that he was going to bed.

I couldn't help but think back to 5 years ago when I arrived home from work on Valentine's Day to meal cooked by DH, candles, wine, etc. That was before we had DCs.

I know Valentine's Day is commercially motivated and shouldn't be the only time we do romantic things, but in the absence of any other romance in my life, I thought we might have managed some this evening. AIBU to feel disappointed that neither of us made any effort at all?

Tell your DH how you feel.

And then do Valentine's Day properly on Friday.

:)

Thanks :) Sometimes the most obvious solutions are not the ones you think of when you are pissed off.

DH arrived home from work today with flowers for me. I could have thought "cheapskate, wouldn't buy them yesterday" but he did feel bad that he we hadn't made more of an effort yesterday.

Pleased to hear that Val! I read your post last night just as I was going to bed and wondered what had happened today. You don't need Valentines day as an excuse to try and be nicer to each other now and again. Hope it goes well.

I think having a young baby is a massively difficult time for even the strongest relationship by the way. All the dynamics suddenly change, you get no time at all to do anything other than look after the baby and to top it all off you're probably both sleep deprived. My DS is 17 weeks and most of the time DP and I feel like murdering each other! Comparing life now to life in the "early days" of the relationship is very depressing and best avoided for a time.

I think most of the time, things get better and you all find a new and happy equilibrium. Good luck.

You need to talk to him. I have a 8 week old she is dc no 3 I ad forgotten how much it was possible to feel angry with my dh who I adore and has been doing all the right things. Sometime just him breathing irritates me and I'm so horribly snappy. I know it will pass and I know we have to make a spescial effort, talking is the key.

That's so true Snake - the littlest things can annoy you when you're trying to cope in the early days! DC1 is 4 so I think we'd forgotten what life was like with a baby. Plus me being on maternity leave means I'm doing everything around the house and it just gets on top of me sometimes.

Also agree Mixedberries that we need to find what works for us as a family of four now and not take each other for granted. DD (the 6 month old) is sleeping in her own room for the first time tonight so a little bit of normality is returning at last :)

Thanks for the support and congrats on your babies