pregnant with spd exoected to wait on guests for 1 week?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

hi

im here for a moan. i love my husband but im not allowed to let off steam with him. i have no one to speak to, i dont moan to family in case they go round blabbing to everyone, or get worried about me.

im 7 months preg suffer from spd, i can barely stand after a quick cooking session. ive got 3 kids under 5 & in law to care for.

husband wants his sis and her family over. he asked me a while back and i said fine if they come early but dont leave late in preg because my sp will get worse i cant cope physically.

so he wants them over in april, even though i said not a good idea before, im due in MAY! am i being selfish to think of the pain i will suffer under spd having to cater for all their needs.

he said fine. wont get them over u dont like them. i told him its not tha. dnt like them, just spd is an issue. ive just said ok get them over. he said how long, i really dont think. have a say in that. initially we agreed n 1 week now hes suggesting more than a week, i feel like crying.

truthis he will be at work all day, i will be alone with sil 4 kids and my 3 and the other adults. i wnt get an help cooking, never have when theyve been before.

what can i do without causing a rift nothing?

Tell you dh no - if he is being an arse about it let him be an arse. Failing that. ring your SIL and tell her your GP as recommended as much rest as possible because of your SPD.

Could he take the week off?

I take it they are travelling a distance to be with you. It makes sense for him to spend some quality time with them if he doesn't see them regularly.

You will have to call your sil and explain the situation for her, say you would be happy to have her but that she will be having to hrlp you a great deal as will the other adults. Tell her to treat you as if you were elderly or disabled.

All this goes out the window of course if they are not the type to understand or help. Then I would just refuse to have them.

Your husband sounds like a knob, why is he not listening to you?

Has he suggested it because he thinks they will help you? It sounds like you could do with some helping hands. Even if that wasn't his intention, can you arrange things so that it is the effect?

Just because they haven't helped out before, doesn't mean they won't now. Especially if you are crystal clear now about expectations.

Call SIl and explain. Not text, not email - a phone call. Explain you will not be doing any catering/making of beds etc. Ask if that's ok by her and if it is you'd love to see them.

Is there any chance they will be able to help you? Or are they really just going to come and sit around while a heavily pregnant woman in a lot of pain looks after them? To be frank with you, if it;s the latter, I'd not be too worried about what my DH thought - I'd say no or even ring them myself and explain that it isn't possible.

yes but he is paying for their travel arranging it all otherwise they never come. he cant get the time off. so i guess they will sit indoors all week. they wil stay indoors for the week f my husband doesnt take them out to do thngs they wont go alne, dont ask me why, it baffles me but theyd rather sit indoors for the entire hols.

Agree with the others, you need to speak to your SIL here. Your husband sounds like an arse actually..

And you have to have someone in your life who you can let off steam to.. it sounds a shame that you cant trust your family :(

Unless they will actually help you with housework/DC, then say no! I know from experience SPD will get worse as pg progresses. You don't need that extra stress! Although it resolved very quickly after the birth (a couple of days!), I could barely walk for the last 4 or 5 weeks, without a LOT of pain.

OrmIrian: its the norm in my culture i doubt i,l get any help. anyway when sil helps all her kids will come. to the kitchen and do my head n with the noise. its best i do it alone it will be quicker.

Snapesmistress: i don't know why hes behaving like this. not too long ago i wasnt pregnant it was ideal tp get them over he said why dont they come. i asked him to just pay for them get them over otherwise they wont see us for another year, he said no they should make their own way as we do.

now im pregnant hes decided to get them over i dont understand it myself. and really i would find it hard without the spd its a lot of ppl for me, especially with my kids being so small, but id bite m teeth and do it, so my kids see their cousins. but since im preggies the fatigue is bad enough nevermind the spd, thats just a bonus.

@oldmum

i know it wil get worse. with my last child it was really bad i didnt even do the school run which was 1 street away, doc told me not to otherwise id be on crutches.

Dear OP I can understand you are in a difficult situation because of cultural issues thrown into the mix. But really your DH is being an unreasonable arse.

I had spd with my last pg. Started with a support belt then went onto crutches. Begged for a c-section (refused). Hopspital agreed to induce me on due date (didn't work) deteriorated and needed wheelchair and wasn't allowed home. 10 days overdue tried for induction again. Nothing happened all day, then went off like a train and DD2 popped out in 3 hours. To be honest felt like I could drive a bus through my fanny by then. There is nothing like the pain of spd.

I would suggest his family visit after the birth when you've recovered and preferably when DH can have time off to take family out to give you a break.

YANBU

SPD - worse pain ever! Has your DH any idea how absolutely excruciating and crippling this condition can get? I couldn't walk for 3 weeks after DS's birth, and went up and down 3 flights of stairs on my bum each day. To say it was inconvenient was the understatement of the year!

Seriously, if you overdo it you may pay for it after the birth and then your DH will have more to moan about than your very understandable reluctance to run around after almost a dozen people when you are 8 months pregnant.

Tell your dh you'll be delighted with the help and will be spending most of the week in your mothers/friends to give them space to catch up.........

Your dh is expecting too much-can he put them off till he can take leave to spend with them ? I would only agree if everyone knew the trip was to help not holiday !!!!!!