To be slightly put out that DH wants to fly home?

[redvelvetcake]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant. It hasn't been an easy pregnancy. I have a 14 month old, SPD and been in and out of hospital for the past two weeks with severe vomiting and been on a drip. And when I was 4 months pregnant I found out that DH had a one night stand.

We're working through the issues of him bei g with someone else. When I found out I told him that his family, me, our son and the bump must always come first, as he hasn't always prioritized us, and well to be honest, me.

Dh's family has always come first. He always thinks of them even if that means I have to suffer or do things which I don't agree with to make them happy.

We've moved and now live in the states. Dh's mum has found out that she has cancer in te tongue. It hasn't spread anywhere and try are removing it on Friday. And they think that will be it.

DHs brother and SIL live with PILS. I have my DM flying out to stay with me next week to help when the baby comes. Thank god.

DH has said that once I have the baby he will fly back home to see his mum. As I have my mum here I won't really need any help. Even if I have an EMCS, and stitched up like my first labour where I couldn't walk for weeks. Yes I have my mum, but she can't drive here. What about when I run out of something and we need to go to the shops and I'm recovering?

His mum is coming to stay in April. I feel annoyed that he isn't thinking about our needs. AIBU?

Sorry it's sooo long!

Could you have someone else with you while he goes who can give you more practical help. How long is he planning on being away?

mouth cancer is horrible and very debilitating. Dh's dad is still recovering from it (diagnosed last June) - he had part of his tongue and jaw removed and rebuilt (tongue reconstructed using muscle from his arm). He still cant eat and is fed via a tube into his tummy. He had to have chemo and radiotherapy at the same time. He has lost hundreds of weight and has been unable to go back to work as he is not fit for it.

They wont just remove the cancer and everything will be hunky dory again - she will have to learn to speak and eat again and they will have to treat her (chemo and/or radiotherapy) to make sure they have got all of the tumour. She has a long road ahead of her so no wonder your dh wants to go and see her.

Sorry, OP, another YABU from me.

If he'd never cheated on you would you still be so annoyed about this?

He's not leaving before the birth, or missing it, won't be gone for that long, won't be leaving you alone (in fact, leaving you with the best person possible, despite her health - your own mother), and is going to show his love and concern for his own mother.

Why were you unable to walk for weeks after your last CS? I've had two and it is absolutely very difficult at first, but walking is possible immediately that you have your feeling back in your legs LOL. The sooner you start, the better. Also, double check your insurer's requirements re driving afterwards and find out exactly when you'll be allowed to drive again, abd then give DH an extensive shopping list to get you through every possible circumstance while he's away and before you can drive again. Are you in walking distance to a smaller shop for milk etc?

I just want to repeat what KarmaBeliever said

*The problem here is him saying he is going no matter what happens during the delivery.

Of course he wants to see his mum, but his mum is not alone, she has her other son with her. The OP, otoh, might be really poorly post cs, and her own mother isn't physically up to helping her much. They also have a toddler. OP might physically need him. Post cs, she won't be able to lift anything - how much help can her mother realistically provide?

I think she might have viewed this completely differently if he'd said 'I'll see how you are, and if you are coping, I'll go and if not, I'll wait for a while'. She would probably have said for him to go.

OP, can you get some paid help for a while - someone to clean the house for you, pop to the shops?*

The crux of the matter being him saying he's going no matter what. He has a wife & a mother. He needs to assess the situation after the birth and see who needs him most at the time. Saying he's going no matter what just shows nothing has changed - he is still putting his birth family before his family - no matter what.