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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if my friend has early dementia?

30 replies

asiatic · 11/02/2012 18:31

How would I know? Should I raise my concerns with her? She is mid 50s, single, no family, highly intelligent, well qualified, good job, but more and more often seems to be speaking total nonsense. She is insulting, paranoid or just totally illogical part of the time, then normal and intelligent part of the time. It is hard to give examples as I don't want to be specific, but she has been told she is in danger of losing her job, and her response was it is just jealousy because she is so beautiful. ( she isn't beautiful, just normal looking) She thinks these threats are because she doesn't want to sleep with the boss ( 20 years younger, and engaged - I very much doubt he has made any advances) She also beleives someone is following her around trying to steal her glasses, she keeps losing them. She is also forgetting to wash herselt or brush her hair. Then again she will suddenly be totally on the ball, and explain really complicated economic concepts to me clearly and lucidly. Then suddenly start telling me I am stupid for not knowing it already, or start explaining how many pence in a pound, as if she really thinks I don't know. What is going on?

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 11/02/2012 18:33

Sounds more like mental illness IMHO

DickSwivellersTidyWife · 11/02/2012 18:33

It certainly sounds like something is not right - have you known her a long time and seen a change? Close enough to make sure she sees a Dr?

CupOfBrownJoy · 11/02/2012 18:35

This happened to a friend of my DMs. She became more and more absent and was eventually diagnosed with dementia. She was early 60s I think.

Do you know her family? If so could you ask them to make a GP appointment with her? If not could you approach her and say you're worried, and you really appreciate it if the two of you could go, just to "put your mind at rest"?

oiwheresthecoffee · 11/02/2012 18:39

Dont know what to say except that she sounds like she needs to see someone for either MH issues or maybe something else. Can you raise it with her ?

IWishIKnew · 11/02/2012 18:43

She sounds very like my aunt. She had dementia.

She thought people were following her and breaking into her house to steal her cigarettes.

She would also be perfectly lucid one minute and then talk to the people on the tv the next.

So sorry for you and your friend Sad. You should get her to her GP.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:44

It could be dementia, or a mental health disorder. Has she had any accidents/ head injuries/ Health problems.

motherinferior · 11/02/2012 18:45

Oh sweetie, you are a good friend. It does sound worrying. If not dementia, than something else is up. Can you persuade her to go to the GP? I do appreciate this must be very difficult for you too.

Original poster
asiatic · 11/02/2012 18:51

Thanks for your responses. I have talked her into going for a check up a couple of times. She says she has been told she is "fit as a fiddle" but she could easily come across as that for a 10 minute appointment, and I only have her word that is what she was told! I don't think she has any family in this country. Her employer obviously feels something is wrong, so I'm hoping he will get onto occupational health. She hasn't had a head injury that I know of, but did have a stroke about 5 years ago. Could that be related do you think?

OP posts:
DickSwivellersTidyWife · 11/02/2012 18:53

Yes, mini strokes can cause dementia also. Things like brain tumours (although rare) could also cause these kinds of symptoms.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:53

Yes, it could. She could have vascular dementia. She needs to go to the go with someone else. Persuading her might be the hard part

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:54

GP

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:58

www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

Info on vascular dementia.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 19:02

Sorry, by the way. It's very distressing. As you say, it is very likely that she might fool a not very on the ball GP as I have met many people with quite advanced dementia who are socially ver appropriate in short bursts.

Original poster
asiatic · 11/02/2012 19:05

Thank you for the link, OriginalJamie, some of that info looks like it might be very relevant.

OP posts:
longjane · 11/02/2012 19:07

do you know her GP
If you can ring them up and say what you have said here
can you ring nhs direct to see what they say
I have tried to answer the question
"what do you do if you think my friend has a MH issue"
before
and have got nowhere
I know if some is eldery they can send a nurse for a check up( 75th birthday) to their house but have no idea if they can for younger people

catsareevil · 11/02/2012 19:22

If you know who the you can phone them and pass on the information - they can't tell you anything about your friend, but can listen to what you say. Give them detailed examples of the behaviour that is concerning you, and they will most likely try to see your friend.

I have done this myself in the past, and the GP sent the person out an appointment to come in, without saying why.

The other route if you had serious concerns about the persons safety would be to contact social work, but if they are managing to hold down a job then social work might not feel it is anything to do with them.

Original poster
asiatic · 11/02/2012 19:38

Thanks, catsareevil,two very helpful suggestions. Whether she is holding down a job is a bit borderline at the moment, I think she is going to be asked to leave.. I hadn't thought of Social services.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 19:43

I'm out of the field a long time but some community mental health teams may accept referral from friends. CMHTs normally have a sw in them

LatteLady · 11/02/2012 19:46

I am not sure that what you are describing is necessarily dementia but it does sound as though she may be having further problems from her original stroke. Please get in touch with her GP and get him to help her.

Thank you for being such a good friend.

TheGrandOldDuke · 11/02/2012 20:09

It doesn't sound right, thats for sure. One of my parent's has early onset dementia, but its quite a specialised type, so the symptoms are different.... but maybe there are other things she's not telling you? How's her driving? That was the key for us that things weren't right...turned out my parent couldn't see properly.

Original poster
asiatic · 11/02/2012 20:23

Her driving isn't very good, she has had a few minor prangs in the last year or so. I don't let her give my DC a lift. She recently passed the eye test though. I know her driving lisence was renewed AFTER the stroke.

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 11/02/2012 20:36

Dementia can and does change the personality, my FIL is angry and rude these days, he was always such a gentle man pre-illness.

Its not referred to as dementia until you're above a certain age - I think. Pre-75 its Alzheimers...

Diagnosis will take a long time. You do need to get her to go to her GPs (is she worried at all?) but the standard tests are for memory. Unfortunately, FIL's memory wasn't our main concern at first, rather him just not being himself. Although memory WILL be affected, it is the biggest tool in diagnosis.

She'll be referred to a consultant, who will do the tests (they're shit and I have little faith in them, but the repitition over months and months of the same test IS telling of any decline. She may be given drugs. Not sure of the name I think there are 3 different ones for early onset alzheimers. They 'water' the brain, they slow down the whole illness (in some cases) but they need to be changed after 5 years. Other than that, there is little involvement. SS will be involved but if your friend is anything like my FIL (proud, independant and in denial) he will shun help, we got power of care to ensure he got it.

Your biggest ally in this horrid illness is the Alzheimers society.

Your friend needs diagnosis. To do this, unfortunately she needs to get herself into the process. Extremely hard when you don't see yourself as having a problem. I would contact the AS asap, for advice.

Catsareevil is right too... that is how YOU can help. I wish you all the luck in the world, its a horrible horrible illness. Worse in many ways than many others, but if you get the first dominoe pushed down and have the AS on your side, there is help out there. x

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 20:55

Thing is, if there are vascular issues (high blood pressure etc), then other meds. may help as well

WottingerAndWottingerAreDead · 11/02/2012 21:19

Asiatic it could be different types of dementias, it could be ongoing issues relating to the stroke she had, it could be a different type of mental health issue. GP would be a first point of contact, someone's said it already but you can ring up and tell them your concerns. The neglect etc.. you're describing doesn't sound serious enough for social services to be involved immediately, from what you've said? If there's a family member, or someone closer than you, it'd be better if it came from them though.

Mrswhiskerson · 11/02/2012 22:31

It could be she has been having t.I.a's which are mini strokes and can make someone come across as confused .
I am so sorry for you and friend I worked in care for years and I know how hard this will be for both of you,
I sincerely hope she gets the treatment she needs and she is lucky to have you as a friend.