To think I've fucked up re 'explaining' smacking/domestic violence to my dc?!

[Proudnscary]

My kids (10 and 7) were asking about domestic violence after hearing something on the radio about a man beating up his wife. We were discussing how wrong and unacceptable it was etc.

So they ask would daddy ever hit you? 'Of course not, no. If he did I'd be out the door and taking you two with me'.

So dd says 'If he hit one of us would you be out the door?'

I paused and pulled a 'Ooh I don't know' face.

WTF?? What kind of a shit reaction was that?!

They, of course, picked up on it and said 'Oh is it different if a dad hits a child'?

So I backtracked furiously and said no, no it's just as bad, it's wrong, illegal, I would never hurt you or let anyone else hurt you..but, but, some parents do smack their kids and that's not really violence, it's a controlled punishment....

Dh and I don't believe in smacking but he smacked dd once on the arse when he lost his temper, then felt terrible.

I think this is what made me pause when dd asked.

AIBU to think l I totally ballsed that one up and should start another conversation about this?!

Not your fault it's difficult to explain that it's still legal to smack kids but not adults!

Give the debate to them and let them talk it through instead of a lecture.
What is the difference between a smack on the bottom and a beating?
Smacking isn't illegal, so why is that?
What would they consider unacceptable? Has your DH ever given you an affectionate slap on the bottom, or you him?
If you have a no smacking household. what should the consequences be for breaking the house rule?

That is brilliant advice, Dust.

Children of that age are able to understand the difference between getting a smacked bottom as punishment when they have been naughty, and being punched in a fight.. or being beaten.

You're right.

I think I'm more at myself that I responded in a different way about leaving if he hit one of them rather than me.

Maybe another time ask them what would cause them to break up with a friend. Would a bit of pushing and shoving in the playground be enough to stop being friends with someone? How about a judo throw in a class? Or a bad tackle on the football pitch? Then ask if they'd break up with the friend if, out of the blue, he attacked them so badly that they ended up un hospital. Might be a way to get them to understand degrees of aggression and why it's not a black/white issue.

Your dd's question was difficult to answer because it was logical and poignant and there is no valid reason for smacking a child. It's only possible because the adult is invariably bigger, stronger, and in a position of power in relation to the child.