I know i am, but i need a kick up the arse

[bigheartedwoman]

I'm a lurker, so i know about niace ham and pommes (grin)
I'm prepared for bloody blowtorches, and its my first post here, so here goes..
Back story...i'm a single mum with a 16 year old son, i met my ex husband 20 years ago at uni, we were married, then he left when my son was 3 months old. No reason, just a phone call saying he was gone.
I was in bits, because i honestly didn't know there was anything wrong, etc..
I still don't.
Anyway, fast forward to now... my son is a happy and well rounded young man, who i am immensly proud of, he's studying for his GCSEs, hes got great love from me, and my family, but...this is the crux
It was his birthday yesterday, and i was hoping that his dad or his grandparents would at least acknowledge that (why??)
you know, i AM being unreasonable! I mean, what would that achieve? He's happy and secure, its just me innit?

You're not being unreasonable, you want them to care.

Could it be because you are hurt at what you see as a rejection of the fantastic child you love so much?

If so - you know it isn't. Logically, you know it's nothing to do with your son and it's all about the man who fathered him and him being stupid.

Have they had any contact at all?

I don't think YABU at all... he's your son, he's happy, but maybe acknowledgement is what he is missing? Even if he doesn't much want it?

I take it his father is not in his life?

Even if its not about your son but about you, as in you need that acknowledgment, you want your son to be acknowledged?

Either way YANBU.

I guess my thought would be "How can those so closely related to this beautiful young man not acknowledge this milestone or how truly amazing he is?"

(Kick) - you are better off without him and his family - so is your son. He has done very well without his biological father or his family - why complicate things now?

YANBU, it's natural to think it sometimes. Now go and look either at your son or a picture and give yourself a big pat on the back from me for doing a bloody good job all on your own!

Just the 16th birthday, or do you feel like this on all of his birthdays?

I understand why you feel the way you do - you want them to know what they're missing, you want them to see what a fantastic job you've done, you want him to have a dad who gives a shit. But it doesn't sound like any of that will ever happen - all you can do is remind yourself how much they're missing out on, and congratulate yourself on a job well done.

Even though your ex did the dirty on you, you still hold out that teeny bit of hope that one day he might just do the right thing by his son. It's so disappointing when they don't - my no2 son's father ignored him more or less completely after we split, and barely even acknowledges his son in the street if they happen to pass. It's heartbreaking, not for me, but me for my son iyswim. Some men are just wankers!

YANBU

Good thing your son has a big hearted woman for a mum

Thats it in one xx
I KNOW that i am being unreasonable, but at the same token, when we had a family meal, theres still that elephant in the room.
I get maintenance, but that means nothing IYSWIM, then again, it would cause untold damage to my son if he just appeared.
Thank you again

YANBU - of course you want your exH to remember and it is difficult to believe that he wouldn't, but.... - and also there are still those unanswered questions. You have obviously done a good job with your son so focus on that.

It's not unreasonable, and it is one of those milestone birthdays, bound to be a bit more significant in lots of ways. Sorry it was overlooked by him and his family, I am sure you celebrated the date in style, that's the memory of the day he'll have.

Thank you again lovely ladies (am i allowed to say that)
I'll never understand men me.
And i'm sorry if i annoyed anyone, i know i'm not the only one x