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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel really sad for this man (junkie & firsy time dad)

15 replies

bejeezus · 10/02/2012 15:04

I went to the chemist today. There wad a couple in front of me, the woman was talking to the shop assistant, and the man turned to talk to my dd2 in her pushchair. He coo-cooed at her a bit then asked me if it was a boy. I feigned shock horror and said no of course she's a girl, we had a giggle and he told me they were 3 months pregnant, they hadn't known each other very long, she already had a 21 year old and an 18 year old but it wad his first. I asked if he wad excited and he said yes but she had drug and alcohol problems, so he wad scared, they were trying to sort it out and she wad there for het methodone. I said yes they would need to sort it out, but being scared wad probably a good sign huh? He relayed this to his girl friend trying to plus het into the conversation and the assistant had finished talking to her. All hell let loose....its not do easy having a baby when you're a drug addict. They take the babies away and give them to nonces and alcoholics. White people know nothing about having babies. Don't talk to them, I fucking hate white people and their filthy mixed race babies, taking all our men, it ain't like this in Jamacia.....and on and on. He tried to talk her down but she wouldn't stop.

I went and sat in the other waiting area at the other end of the shop obscured from her view. She ranged until they left the shop. Half of me thanked fuck I don't have the problems she does, half of me wanted to knock her teeth out for insulting me and my dd. But ALL of me feels overwhelmingly sad for that man and his first experience of being a dad and that poor baby. It WILL get taken from them won't it? He seemed like such a genuine gentle so that wanted to do the right thing and had all the right concerns. But he will waste his time trying to make her ok, and the baby will ne taken from them.

I wanted to run after him and tell him to drop het and go for sole custody

Gah. I know its not my business. It's so sad

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2012 15:32

You never know. I worked with a couple exactly like this (different drug of choice but just as bad). The dad stepped up after a year of everyone trying to help her cope (the meetings I was at had 10 people all pulling for her). She said a couple of things that SS couldn't ignore and everyone involved (including me) supported dad getting custody. That was two years ago and he and his mum are bringing her up to be a very happy child.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2012 15:33

i wouldn't take it for granted that it will be taken away from them tbh

CailinDana · 10/02/2012 15:37

Poor guy. Hopefully he'll get the support he needs to make it work and in the long run if things go bad, fingers crossed he'll get custody. It's actually a very positive thing that she already has grown up children, they might get involved and help to keep things ticking over.

cbem · 10/02/2012 15:40

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GetOrfMoiiLand · 10/02/2012 15:43

That sounds like a horrible thing to witness.

Poor bloke, and poor baby. Sad

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2012 15:48

They don't take kids away from people because of their views though..

bejeezus · 10/02/2012 15:59

She looked white. He looked mixed race. What are most jamacians if not mixed race to some extent? Both had accents local to here. Her kid will be MR!

I think racism is a bit of a red herring-just a vehicle for her frustration/derangedness

I wouldn't say the guy was without his pens problems. But he seemed to realise and want to be a dad and wad rightly concerned. Whereas she....

I really hope he does get support and doesn't give up. May the force be with him

OP posts:
bejeezus · 10/02/2012 16:02

Pens? Own

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2012 16:10

You managed to assess that he should go for sole residency and that he is capable of parenting a child and has a home to take the baby to, All in that space of time?

And you managed to ascertain that she should not be given a chance at all?

Makes me wonder why most assessments in these cases take twelve months.

Anonymumous · 10/02/2012 16:13

Well if he was daft enough to get involved with someone like that in the first place AND then to get her pregnant...

I only feel sorry for the baby, TBH.

bejeezus · 10/02/2012 16:21

spose anonymumous I could just feel the normal excitement and aprehension about becoming a parent for the first time...but its going to be a far from normal experience. Hes robbed of all the normal indulgences new parents have..
yeah,but poor poor baby

OP posts:
diddl · 10/02/2012 16:24

Hard to feel too sorry when there´s so much access to contraception & even if a female says that she´s on the pill-a man can still use something!

bejeezus · 10/02/2012 16:27

probably dont think about contraception when you're off your face?

idont suppose there is enough self respect to worry about protecting yourself from STDs/HIV etc

OP posts:
diddl · 10/02/2012 16:34

"probably dont think about contraception when you're off your face?"

No-but surely he hasn´t been "off his face" every time?

TBH, the amount of info that some people spout to strangers never ceases to amaze me!

He sounds young & in need of help!

QuintessentialyHollow · 10/02/2012 16:35

I dont feel sorry for him at all, he hooked up with a junkie, and clearly did not use contraception. I feel sorry for the child though.

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