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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it ok to leave my 8yr old child and her friend at the cinema on a playdate?

32 replies

bananasandpears · 09/02/2012 23:02

A mother of my daughters best friend recently took my child for a play date for the day. When I went to collect her later I discovered that she had taken them to see a movie but left them there alone to pop into work around the corner. Coming back 1.5hrs later when the movie had finished.
Is this normal? only Im still shocked that she wouldn't think to have asked me if it was ok. To my thinking this is a really risky thing to do. To leave two little girls alone in a public place. Actually is this even legal?
thx for reading my despair!

OP posts:

pooka · 09/02/2012 23:05

A) she should have checked with you regardless
B) no I don't think I would be comfortable with this. Maybe at 10. Not at 8. (have a sensible 8 year old dd myself).

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 09/02/2012 23:06

I would be horrified if this had happened to my eight year old, YANBU.

workshy · 09/02/2012 23:06

I would leave a 10 year old at a PG film, with the other parent's consent

wouldn't dream of leaving an 8 year old in the cinema except when I nip to the loo because my bladder can't cope with cinema portions of diet pepsi and I certainly wouldn't leave one that wasn't mine

Cherriesarelovely · 09/02/2012 23:06

Well, I certainly wouldn't do it. My DD is 9 and we have just begun allowing her to do very small things on her own such as walking up the hill to school. IMHO that is definitely too young to leave them alone in a cinema.

Pandemoniaa · 09/02/2012 23:07

I don't think it is illegal but certainly you should have been asked if this arrangement was acceptable. Eight seems rather young to be left alone at the cinema.

cece · 09/02/2012 23:07

Absolutely not acceptable in my book.

a) she didn't ask you
b) 8 too young to be left on own that long

pooka · 09/02/2012 23:07

I don't think I'd necessarily say anything though - no harm done this time. If a repeat were suggested I think I would politely decline. I would however take the incident and file it so that in future playdates I would ask questions beforehand and make sure I was fully comfortable with the plans. Or take them to the cinema myself.

Threeprinces · 09/02/2012 23:09

YANBU I wouldn't leave my 8 yo in the cinema, and I would be very naffed off if someone else had left him in there without asking me first.

Who told you, the mum or the kids?

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/02/2012 23:09

She was wrong not to ask you - it's absolutely your call as to whether your dd is ok to be left, and she should never have made that assumption.

However, I left my dd at the cinema at that age with her cousin, also 8 - took them in, bought their tickets and waited with them while they bought their sweets and drinks - then collected them at the door when the movie finished. They had a great time. What is it specifically you are so worried about?

UmmOfUmbridge · 09/02/2012 23:11

I have an 8 year old daughter and would definitely not be okay with this. I would possibly consider letting them actually go in the cinema alone (as in walk them to the cinema room thing and meeting them outside when it finished) if they really wanted to and I was sitting having a coffee and notwatchingcartooncrap but would never leave the building.

Quite worrying really. My DD1 was about 12 before I let her go to the cinema on her own.

Threeprinces · 09/02/2012 23:12

As for saying something, if you're child is asked to go again you can ask for what thy 'plan on doing for the day only I'm not comfortable about her being left without adult supervision'. She may disagree but surely she can't take offence can she?

foreverondiet · 09/02/2012 23:12

A bit young. And she was wrong not to check. But then they would know they could ask cinema staff if a problem and I assume they knew the numbers mobile number.

I would take my 8 and 5 year old knowing that I may end up in the lobby for some of the film with my toddler but I would be right outside the screen door.

I probably wouldn't say anything but would bear it in mind for future/

PatFenis · 09/02/2012 23:13

Nope I certainly wouldn't leave my own children alone in a cinema at that age, never mind somebody elses DC who I am responsible for - least of all because I know my 8 year old would probably be a royal pain in the arse and not sit quietly and watch the film and generally annoy other film goers.

purpleroses · 09/02/2012 23:13

My cinema allows you to leave kids unattended from 8 up (as does the swimming pool). It's definitely not illegal, and OK in some people's view. The fact that they're in public lessens the risk surely? I've left my 8 year old DD with her older brother.

But I wouldn't dream of leaving a friend of that age with her without checking with their parents that they're alright about it. My DS is 12 and that's only just the age when I'm kind of assuming that it's OK for him to have friends round without me being in, etc.

Did the friend have a mobile or some way of contacting her mum? I'd be a bit less concerned if she did.

BackforGood · 09/02/2012 23:14

I thinhk 8 is a bit young, but I guess that's a judgement call for each parent - after all, they can swim alone at 8. However it's not for one parent to judge if it's alright for someone else's child to be left alone.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 09/02/2012 23:24

i wouldnt let my 12 yr old see a 12 certified movie alone forget leaving an 8 yr alone in the cinema. i. mean most 12 rated movies always have a love scene, hardly suitable for a 12 yr old kid.

each parent has their own op of what is right and wrong, so the mum should have asked you first, im sure you'll make that clear to her if another playdate is set up.

8 yr olds arent allowed to be left home unattended without aan adult are they? so isnt it an odd law thats says 8 yr olds can stay in the cinema without an adult surely their own home is safer than. public space?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 09/02/2012 23:25

I agree with the others that she should definitely have asked you first. Not least because you might have wanted to prepare DD even if you were minded to agree.

I can't decide whether I think 8 is old enough to be taken to the cinema and allowed to sit in the auditorium only with a friend. I don't think it's terrible say if Mum had stayed in cafe, but suspect I would not want my DC to do that until they were a little older.

CakeMixture · 09/02/2012 23:28

I think if they are young enough for you to think of it as a 'playdate' then they are too young imho.

igetcrazytoo · 09/02/2012 23:36

I wouldn't like it, but thats because many many years ago when I was 10, I took my younger brother to see Born Free, and some old man came and sat next to me and fondled my knee. I just wasn't old enough to realise I could/should make a fuss. I ended up leaving the cinema before the film ended. My brother was most miffed.

So my point is this, they are too young if they wouldn't know what to do if something happened which made them uncomfortable, even if it was other kids misbehaving. Though I admit that children seem much more aware of the whole stranger danger thing.

coronet · 09/02/2012 23:52

We did this all the time as young kids... And yes my cousin was fondled like the poster above. I'd be really annoyed if someone left dd7 unaccompanied -have just refused a playdate because I'm not convinced the mother would supervise.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 09/02/2012 23:56

Our local cinema has a saturday morning kids showing of something or other where they pay one price and watch the film, get a drink and small popcorn and play games after. Most parents leave the children there and collect them afterwards. My DS really wanted to go when he was younger, I would have let only he has SEN and would never sit to watch a film in a cinema with or without me.
YANBU to be annoyed that the other mother didn't ask you to start with.

marriedinwhite · 10/02/2012 00:03

It's too young and I'm quite relaxed about these things. I left DS and friend at the cinema when they were 10 with the other parents' permission. They were two very sensible boys - still are in fact at 17 . They are going to fly down to the South of France to meet dh, dd and me in the summer.

PessimisticMissPiggy · 10/02/2012 00:09

YANBU when I was 8 I went to the cinema with a friend alone. Her mother was meant to be taking us but didn't for some reason. She popped us on the bus and promised to collect us when the film finished. She didn't. We rang her (pre-mobile phones - 1990) and she told us to walk!

We two 8 yo ended up setting off walking home (about 2 miles). My DM ended up driving around looking for us and was furious at the other M when she dropped friend off. Daggers across the playground for a number of years after that! Other M didn't see the problem.

Everyone has difference perceptions of risk. 8 is too young to leave in a cinema without adult supervision.

aldiwhore · 10/02/2012 00:11

I think I'd actually go into meltdown over this, but maybe IABU. I just can't imagine leaving my 8 year old totally unsupervised (ie., adult in another building) anywhere.

VintageNancy · 10/02/2012 00:53

I don't think the other mum should have done it without asking you.
And I can't judge on whether 8 is too young to be left in the cinema, my baby isn't born yet, let alone 8 years old. I think only individual parents can judge what their own children are ready for. It's not just safety, it's whether the kids will behave all the way through a film without an adult with them.

Funnily enough, I read this article today (the children in the story are 9 and 11 so not the same situation but interesting all the same).

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