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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to 3yo about rabbit's death?

51 replies

BiWinning · 09/02/2012 17:02

Our ten year old rabbit died today. She's been inside and although the vet told me she was safe to go back outside with our other younger rabbit as long as they were warm and shielded, in two days she has died.

3yo DD doesn't know. I've looked into getting a new rescue rabbit and telling her that she's just dyed her hair like mummy does. I don't want to explain death to her right now.

AIBU to lie?

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 09/02/2012 17:57

pippi very imaginative name there!!Grin

BlessThisMouse · 09/02/2012 17:59

Really sorry to hear about your poor rabbit. Sad
10 is a grand age for a rabbit and then some, you obviously cared for her really well, so she might well have come to her natural end anyway.

I would tell your dd that you feel sad because the rabbit has died, and show her the body, and say 'we need to say good bye to bunny now because she has come to the end of her life', maybe wrap her up in a bit of old cloth and tell her you will take her to the vets and the vet will take her to the place where rabbits that have come to the end of thier lives go.

Then tell her that although you feel very sad that the rabbit has died, you know she was very happy living with you all, and you think it would be nice to get another rabbit to be a friend to the other rabbit, and that you will get that rabbit form a special home for rabbits who don't have anywhere to live, and that rabbit will be happy to come and jpin yor family.

Good luck - I think by telling her the truth you are giving her the best chance of learning to absorb these things. She may well not appear to be bothered. But she will ask questions later.

Original poster
BiWinning · 09/02/2012 18:07

LilacWaltz - There was no illness as far as I knew. She seemed happy and healthy to me. Her last check up was a year ago and she was fine then. Is your name to do with the sequence dance? The lilac waltz was always a favourite.

BlessThisMouse - I love that. Thank you.

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 09/02/2012 18:09

Yes, it is!!! First dance I ever learnt, didn't think anyone would know it either!

mrsjay · 09/02/2012 18:17

Please be honest with your 3yr old yes they will be sad and yes they will miss the rabbit but its ok to be sad andmiss bunny , we want to protect children especially littlies but Be honest about death you can be gentle about it , having pets that die is heartbreaking but children cope ,

mrsjay · 09/02/2012 18:20

MY mum and dad told me my dog was taken to live on a farm when i was 10 because my neighbour complained about him barking , They had actually got the dog put down and i didnt find out this untill last year i was so annoyed and a bit upset , but i suppose my parents were trying to protect me ,

FutureNannyOgg · 09/02/2012 18:23

Bi, the vet can offer you a range of options for the remains. Cremating and getting the ashes back will cost (about £50 last I checked) but you can have them cremated and not get them back, which is a lot cheaper. Some vets will simply "dispose" of them with medical waste for free or very cheap, but it depends on how sentimental you feel about that.
Alternatively do your parents or in-laws have a garden you can bury it in?

Original poster
BiWinning · 09/02/2012 18:39

No gardens. Both inlaws and father have dogs who they think will dig her up so I think the vet is the best option.

LilacWaltz - I'm a ballroom, latin and sequence dancer so it's lovely to see :)

OP posts:
wannaBe · 09/02/2012 18:48

she may well just have died of natural causes - ten is old for a rabbit.

Don't rush out and get a replacement though - it can be hard to introduce new rabbits and the other one might not take to a new addition to its cage.

Groovee · 09/02/2012 19:05

We lost our rabbit last week. We told our 9 year old ds who shouted at dad for it as she shouldn't be dead in his mind. Our 12 year old dd was hysterical, she knew something was wrong and howled for ages. But honesty is the best way and let her say goodbye x

Groovee · 09/02/2012 19:07

Oh and our vet cremated her for £17

belgo · 09/02/2012 19:12

Tell her. My ds had just turned three when our rabbit died. We explained to him, let him say goodbye, and buried the rabbit and made a little remembrance card with a photo of the rabbit for him to take into his nursery school.

Thank God we did that because a month later his grandfather died very suddenly, just an hour after seeing ds. It was very hard explaining to ds what had happened to his grandfather but at least he had some comprehension of what had happened.

mrsjay · 09/02/2012 19:13

we got out dog cremated last year it didnt cost much to do the kids wanted to bury her but we decided to let the vet deal with it ,

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 19:13

I found the Lion King useful in explaining the Circle of Life. The speech about the antelopes eating the grass and the lions eating the antelopes, and the Lions dying and becoming the grass 9although DS2 thought it was all about "envelopes"

Sorry about your rabbit.

My DSs still remember when out first fish died - and it was only a fish

BlessThisMouse · 09/02/2012 19:16

Lots of advice on introducing rabbits to each other on the specialist rabbit forums - Rabbits United Forum is very good (Bunsnet...). A neutered male and a neutered female seem to get on very well.

GrownUp2012 · 09/02/2012 19:22

I use Rabbits United too and can second the recommendation.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 09/02/2012 19:25

totally agree with bless this mouse.

Original poster
BiWinning · 09/02/2012 20:07

I've brought our mini lop eared in for the night so I can cuddle her. She doesn't use a litter tray so she's confined to the kitchen with lots of newspaper down but I know she's safe and warm.

I'm not sure how our mini lop will take to being alone as she's just over a year old. They didn't share a hutch but spent lots of time together daily in the run, garden and house. Do you think I should get one very soon or hold off?

OP posts:
BlessThisMouse · 09/02/2012 20:21

AS long as you follow all the guidelines about getting them to bond rather than fight, I would get another rabbit soon because they are such social animals. Give your mini lop lots of attention in the meantime.
I'm not really an expert though, so check out Rabbits United. The people there are really knowledgeable and helpful.

Original poster
BiWinning · 09/02/2012 20:26

I've just posted there. I'm hoping to get advice about securing the hutch in the cold too as DP is a bit Hmm about having Chloe in the house for so long (she's beeb in since December).

OP posts:
wisecamel · 09/02/2012 20:27

Just a thought, but if you 'do' any kind of heaven, then 'Goodbye Mog' is really comforting story to help deal with deaths of pets (and people).

BlessThisMouse · 09/02/2012 21:15

Rabbits are said to cope very well with the cold. I just went out to give ours more straw and the dwarf rabbit was sitting out in the snow.

We have a heatpad thing that goes in the microwave and then keeps warm for 8 hours, I got it in the pet shop. The rabbits avoid the spot where I put it though.

Original poster
BiWinning · 09/02/2012 22:25

I'll look in to getting a heat pad. Chloe seems to be missing Satin already so she's with me tonight. I know she'll have to go back out tomorrow and I can't keep bringing her in and out due to the stress of the climate changes.

I've looked in to neutering her and hopefully will rescue a neutered male for her to bond with :(

OP posts:
tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 02:13

Aww I'm very sorry about your poor rabbit :(

I understand your concern in telling your 3yo. To be honest, I'm all for telling the truth as I feel it's important but I'm not sure I actually would if I were in the situation myself and would probably avoid it altogether unless directly asked.

That'll give me something to think on before DS reaches a similar age!

BlessThisMouse · 10/02/2012 09:44

How did it go with your dd?

Neutering helps them live longer as rabbits can be very prone to uterine cancer if not breeding.

I think you do need to stop bringing the other one on and out. I was checking Rabbits United last night to see if there was anything else I should be doing, and the advice is generally to leave them out if they are outside rabbits.