To buy my recently separated friend flowers on Valentines Day?

[birdofthenorth]

A friend broke up with her husband of many years before Xmas and has been staying with us since while she sorts herself out. There was hope of reconciliation but I think that is fading. Obviously she is gutted. He bought her flowers every Valentines Day and she has mentioned this a few times. So... should we give her friendly flowers (clearly from us, not pretending to be from her DH!) so she doesn't feel forgotten and unloved, or would that be condescending and thoughtless?!

AIBU to give Interflora a bell?

Yes, that is lovely and you are lovely to think of it.

God no, I can't think of anything worse.

It's a nice thought and I can see the sentiment behind it

But he bought her flowers because they were together/in love and it was Valentine's day.

I'm afraid she's going to have to get over the flower thing now.

Just carry on supporting her and being there for her, I'm sure she appreciates that more than you know.

I think it would be lovely , my sister had come to see us last valentines day and my dh bought her some flowers because she had just split up from her long term bf , she was really pleased .

I think that is a lovely idea. I'm sure she will appreciate it very much.

You sound like a lovely thoughtful friend

i wouldnt personally.day before maybe to show you love her but think it would be rubbing her face in it slightly.

I wouldn't get the flowers. I think you are lovely to think of her, but maybe get a bottle of wine instead?

p.s-nice thought though op

Aww you are a lovely friend. Whilst you are at it - last time I got a valentines day card they were just inventing gas light. So if you could bung one in the post to Ms MatureUniStudent you would make my day too!

Also maybe a wee voucher for boots or debenhams, get her to buy herself a pricey lipstick or something she wouldn't normally treat herself to. You sound like a lovely chum

I don't think I would get them delivered btw , the moment she sees them she will assume the are from her ex and then will be gutted . Can you not just see her and give them to her maybe the day before ?

Like travellingwilbury says, she'll see them and think they're from her ex and then her little heart will break. Give them to her personally maybe, but let's face it, Valentine's day is a load of old tosh and she needs to get over it and not sit around thinking it matters on any level.

You sound like a bloody lovely friend though.

Hmm I think it has the potential to go horribly wrong, in that because he did it every year it could make her focus on the fact they're no longer together, so could end up upsetting her despite the fact you're being nice and trying to make her feel better.

I wouldn't. I would buy her something nice- a funny dvd or a book to cheer her up. Or take her to the pictures.
I sent my cousin flowers soon after her husband of 20 years ran off with someone else mostly because she was living too fara way for me to visit. Apparently she spent all day weeping over them as they were the same colour as her wedding flowers.

No, she needs to move on from flowers, buy her a box of chocolates or something else.

The flowers where a tradition and that tradition has ended by what you say.

Oh she's still staying with us so definitely they'd be handed over in person rather than delivered... but possibly she would still think for a millisecond I was passing them on from her DH, then would feel gutted when she realised?

It's a really kind and thoughtful thing to do and I probably would. Or maybe a pot planted with flowering bulbs or something. Something cheerful and un-valentiney.

Ah, you do sound lovely and thoughtful. However, I wouldn't send the flowers, as others have said, she will probably see them and assume they are from her ex, and when she sees that they are not, she could be gutted. Also, if the relationship is over, that tradition has ended. Start a new one, maybe a night out for the two of you, cinema or dinner. Or a bottle of wine, and a dvd that is the antithesis of rom-com.

You could do something else instead - go out for the day or something. Or if you think it would be better, you could just buy her some flowers or a flowering plant but not on 14th. You know your friend best though, so you must know whether she will like this or not. If you are not completely sure then don't do it, do something else to show her you care instead. Maybe make a special (possibly edible) gift for her?

You sound like a very, very lovely friend. :)

Personally, I would send her a nice card (you can get Valentine's cards for friends I know because I send one to my single best mate every year) and a nice box of chocolates to let her know that she is loved.

Alternatively, I could help DD make her a Valentine card? Or is that worse?

Ah, a Valentine's card made by your DD would be lovely. Childrens artwork will always make a person smile. Really. After I had my last mc (sorry to be all me, me, me, just for a moment), DP's nephew knew I was sad, and wrote me a wee note saying 'Dear Shadows, you are the best in the world and I love you'. It's just scribbled on a torn out copy-book page, but still is, and always will be, displayed on my fridge. And makes Mr smile every day. Defo have your DD make your friend s card, but perhaps also do a movie night or dinner, just you and your friend.

Girls night out? Cinema?

I would try to do something new and different, a non-valentine thing as a distraction rather than trying to replace it.

You sound like a fab friend.

Definitely not flowers. It could be taken badly.

Chocolates, wine or a good book, and card from your little girl sounds great. And make sure your own DJ doesn't have any flamboyant demonstrations of love on the day as well... you don't have to forget the day, but don't rub her face in it by huge bouquets and cards on display all day where she'll see it.

I think that sounds really nice.

DJ?? Decking phone. DJ! No... dh and fecking... argyle. Argh! !! Don't mind me, I am having a power struggle with my phone. It is winning :(