AIBU or is this a reasonable question on a job application?

[NomDePrune]

Please give any experiences of any major losses in the last two years (i.e. bereavement, divorce, illness etc.)
The job is manager of a charity shop, the charity is a hospice.

I will add that I have seen many times how someone's own grief, which seemed perfectly contained, has welled up uncontrollably in the face of another's. It happens in the training, and it happens on the job; and it cannot be underestimated.

It isn't about emapthy but rather the ability to just focus on the other person instead of bringing your own stuff into it. You don't need to expeience a situation to have good empathy.

It is a normal question for anyone working for a hospice. As a healthcare professional or volunteer at a hospice they like you to 'over' the acute stages of a bereavement.

It is very challenging dealing with dying and bereaved people and anyone who is still reeling from their on loss will NOT be helpful in this situation.

A friend of mine applied for a job at a hospice. A very highly qualified counsellor - extremely experienced. She was turned down for interview because she had lost a parent in the previous 12 months.

Don't answer the question, but understand why they ask it.

Oh I downloaded an application recently about a Sunday charity shop worker and the questions were so personal (about disabled dependents etc - which i do have!) that i decided it wasn't for me, which is a shame.

It does seem a bit odd, especially if you'd be working in a charity shop rather than in an actual hospice! I'm assuming it is not a shop attached to the hospice, but a normal high-street charity shop where the charity the funds go to happens to be a hospice care one?

Surely customers would be general members of the public who shop in such places, and wouldn't be more likely than the general population to be grieving? Maybe I'm wrong about that though, have never worked in a charity shop, though I do shop in them!

So, as I have never had to deal with my own loss, does that make me unsuitable for the post of shop manager?
Or, if I had but it was in the last 2 yrs - unsuitable as too recent?
So, if it was 15 years ago would that be ok?
What if I suffer a loss while in the post?

So a question like 'Have you recently been bereaved?' is standard on a charity application form in case the employee meets bereaved people in the charity shop. What about people in ordinary shops and supermarkets who are told to smile at everyone to get their custom because they will be meeting bereaved and ill and divorced people every day, won't they?

Is the job application form a generic form that would be sent out to anyone who wishes to volunteer or work for the hospice. It wouldnt affect the role of shop manager, but may be relevant to other roles.

It's a standard application form for your particular hospice, and they don't tend to want people doing 'hands-on' care type roles if they have recently suffered a bereavement. Many people who lose a loved on in a hospice environment want to give something back to that hospice and ask about volunteering while their grief is still raw, which means they're not in the best place to help others. That's what the wait period is about, I can't imagine however that they would be so strict about the two years in the shop environment, it's strictly to do with hands-on care roles, whether paid or volunteering.

You won't be disadvantaged if you haven't had a loss!

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question. I was asked simelar questions when I applied to be a Samaritan. As someone who works in a hospice shop, you would be doing something simelar to a samaritan in that you will have to listen and respond to people's darkest most distressing emotions. Not everyone is able to do that well.

It's about protecting your mental health as much as the customers. They have to be sure that you will be able to cope with that lever of emotion being forced upon you, as well as know that you will be able to empathise with them.

So what happens if you suffer a bereavement whilst already in post?

You will have more bereaved customers in a hospice charity shop - that's the way it goes. And many customers do approach volunteers as if they are counsellors. This was explained to us very clearly in our training.

If you are bereaved when you are in the post, you would meet with your supervisor, probably be offered counselling, and might well be advised to take some time off.

Why will there be more bereaved customers in a hospice charity shop ?

Maybe because the recently bereaved will have a clear out of their relatives things and give them to the place that cared for their loved one?

Maybe because visiting a place that has a connection with the place where their loved one died can make them feel closer to that person?

Maybe because anyone that is donating a lost loved ones belongings is going to find it traumatic whether that person dies at the connected hospice or not?

It may be relevant, but it should not be on an application form, IMO.

I can see why it would be relevent to those applying for positions within the hospice but not for the post of charity shop manager. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of answering the question. I wouldn't give my marital status or information on my husband either, as the poster above was when she applied to the Cinnamon Trust. The number of pets I can understand, if you are applying to be a volunteer foster-carer, but the rest is none of their goddamn business.

I am just thinking of the three charity shops in my small town...two fairly new hospice ones and one more established animal charity..and the demographic doesnt seem to fit. I suppose in a different kind of town this could be the case

I think that unless you've worked for a hospice and trained with them, along with charity shop workers for the hospice, it is going to sound strange and unnecessary. The only thing I can say is that it is an incredibly important consideration; you do indeed get more bereaved people in a hospice shop; and that the hospice is looking after the wellbeing of their volunteers by doing this.

I think it is a relevant question to ask.

If you are managing a shop, you will also be managing the staff working the different shifts in the shop, and possibly also be part of their recruitment process. And who are usually the staff in charity shops? Mostly they are volunteers. What sort of volunteers would be drawn to work for this particular charity?

I think, the best possible answers would be something along the lines of

"I have not suffered any loss or bereavement, but I am confident that I will be able to manage possible staff who has suffered bereavement with empathy and fairness"

Or

"I have suffered a bereavement my sister/father/dog died a few years ago, but I do not see how this could affect how I perform my duties as a shop manager, other than showing others who have suffered loss empathy"

Or something along those lines.

It is all about finding the person with the right attitude. Too much empathy and blubbering would not be good, and neither would lack of empathy.

"Why will there be more bereaved customers in a hospice charity shop ?"

If the shop is attached to the hospice, people who are visiting go in, sometimes to buy book marks etc to support the charity, sometimes to pass time if the person they are visiting is getting washed etc.

The grieving stage starts before the person dies, the hospice system in the UK has taken advice and their lead from people like Kubler Ross and supports the friends/relatives,during and can signpost for after care etc.

All they are doing is making sure that thay provide a quality service from any aspect.

They are commited to what they do and hope that all of their staff in whatever role are, also.

It should be an interview question. "Have you experience any losses yourself, and how do you think this would impact on your role?"

I disagree OrigamiJamie, this is exactly the kind of question that would be a deciding factor when shortlisting for interview. At the interview, one might expand...

origami I need to learn to read.

But Quint - If they shortlist on the basis that you haven't experienced a loss in thelast 2 years, then they are potentially missing good candidates. If they shortlist on the basis you have, isn't that potentially discriiminatory on mental health grounds/

I think the charity uses this form for a number of roles, as you have suggested.