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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be saddened at everyone wanting their babies to grow up fast

48 replies

saynothing · 09/02/2012 10:26

I have noticed this in most of my friends, we all have similar aged babies. They all seem to intent on trying to force their babies to grow up so fast, and I just can't understand it as they are babies for such a short time.

I feel like I'm the odd one out for not weaning early, giving tea in bottles, cutting babies down to one bottle a day, feeding adult sized portions, feeding food really not suitable for babies, trying to encourage babies to do poo's in a potty, feeding toddler formula etc and I could go on.

This is all happening in babies aged 5-7 months, to me this is still a baby not a toddler. I can't understand why they all boast about how grown up their babies are as they don't bother with bottles much.

I feel like I'm the freak for giving my LO 4 bottles a day still. Tell me AIBU for treating my baby like a baby???

OP posts:

Agincourt · 09/02/2012 10:58

lol @ tea in bottles. have we gone back to the 1970's?

MosEisley · 09/02/2012 11:02

Snap, probably... sometimes I think that for every trend there is almost instantly an opposite counter trend that springs up so that the advocates of each fashion can come on here and argue about their superiority.

StrandedBear · 09/02/2012 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

saynothing · 09/02/2012 11:05

Pagwatch sorry if I offended you or anyone else for that matter, the mil's and mothers they are getting advice from are all very old school iykwim I appreciate not all of the older generation are like this as my own mother thinks its all a bit soon too as she's definately older generation.

My LO was blw'ed with the odd spoonful of things so it's not like I'm babying him, he eats our meals when suitable and is very good at feeding himself even though he has a small appetite.

OP posts:

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 09/02/2012 11:06

You must know some strange people, none of the people I met when mine were babies did things like that. One Mum did accuse me of trying to make my baby grow up too fast when he started walking at 10 months though. I got told I was putting too much pressure on him and I'd regret it because I'd miss the baby phase now that he was toddling. Some people are just wierd, and she was probably insanely jealous because her same age baby hadn't met his six month milestones.

Agincourt · 09/02/2012 11:08

It does remind me of one of my relations though, she had 9 children and has done a bloody good job of it by all accounts, but she used to swear by giving them a bottle of horlicks last thing at night to get them to sleep through and it apparently worked!

Pagwaatch · 09/02/2012 11:08

S'alright. I think I sounded pissed off but I'm not.
I wasn't massively offended. I just think the issues aren't about age but about choices. Some of your friends are just making daft choices

Whatmeworry · 09/02/2012 11:10

But if they don't grow up fast how can I get my pfb to start playing the violin and mastering mandarin and nuclear physics before they get to nursery school?

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2012 11:12

Pag- everyone in my area gave tea in bottles. All i ment was that the advice wasn't about and in my area you took advive of older women, we didn't have the HV etc system that we do now.

You couldn't just google something, there wasn't any internet. We didn't have baby classes/clubs, anti natel classes were thought of as strange. You were told to go home and ask your female relatives what to do.

There was a lot less teeth problems in babys that were given tea as opposed to juices in the 1980s. But we didn't know as much about nutrition or it's importance.

In the area that i lived in, it was lower income so everyone cooked, mainly stews and scouse, thats what you went home to a pan of, because it was cheaper and no top up benefits.

Kveta · 09/02/2012 11:12

in DH's country, tea in bottles is absolutely the norm.

BFing is stopped at 6 months unless you are a die-hard bfeeder (in which case you will get looks from just about everyone), and babies go onto formula, and occasional small amounts of tea.

So we have friends who are from his country, living in the UK, who were occasionally giving their babies tea (from about 6 months), and it was totally normal to them. They even market tea for babies in the shops!

However, along with the appropriate milk and other food, I don't see a problem with it - it wasn't strong black tea, just a basic very weak fruit tea, and definitely no worse than diluted fruit juice IMO.

Birdsgottafly · 09/02/2012 11:13

Just to add a lot of older people wouldn't give tea in a bottle bcause it was considered common, nothing to do with nutrition.

MosEisley · 09/02/2012 11:14

Original poster

saynothing · 09/02/2012 11:14

Strandedbear it's a mixture of those things coupled with their general comments it's hard to convey here.

I get that's it's exciting to see your child develop and advance but I don't want to push my LO, he's making great progress all by himself, he's met his milestones before all the other babes despite the fact I havent pushed, just guided if he needs help. He's got a few years ahead as a toddler and just months as a baby.

OP posts:

featherbag · 09/02/2012 11:24

I'm 31 and was given sugary tea in bottles as a baby, apparently I used to shake and scream for my 'boccy tea' of a morning Not condoning this, just saying it hasn't been so long in my area since this was seen as perfectly acceptable! My nana asked last week if I'd started giving 4mo ds tea in a bottle yet, and tried to give him gravy last week when I wasn't looking. Even my DM keeps scouring the shops for some baby fruit juice she used to give me!

Agincourt · 09/02/2012 11:37

Oh MosEisley, I have one of those too and he is 4

lazylula · 09/02/2012 11:46

Please fo not judge on the lack of bottles. My dd is 9 months old and I am stresding as she is totally refusing to drink her milk. I fully believe she would not be bothered if I did not offer her any milk at all. For 3 days she has only had 10ozs a day which includes the milk on her breakfast this is not for want of trying to get her to drink more. I do not push mine to grow up but they do in general eat what we have once they are on foid and there has been very little she hasn't had. I did draw the line at giving her the hot chilli i cooked this week. Had it been mild i probably would have tried it as mine have all eaten mild curries at her age.
Yanbu to think some people want their babies to grow up far too fast though.

ReallyTired · 09/02/2012 11:47

"Pag- everyone in my area gave tea in bottles. All i ment was that the advice wasn't about and in my area you took advive of older women, we didn't have the HV etc system that we do now."

In the past there was a far better health visiting service than there is now. The UK has had universal health visitors since the start of the NHS. One of my elderly neighbours really got told off for breastfeeding on demand in 1952. There was support pre internet. Mother union groups gave young mothers support and families were closer knit.

" I'm definately not insecure as I know I'm doing what I should be when I should be and I have all u ladies to ask when I'm not sure about something!

We are all first time mums btw."

lol....

Every mum on the planet feels insecure at times. Parenting does that to everyone. There are no right or wrong answers, being a mother is not a maths test. People muddle along make the odd mistake, but generally their child turns out alright if they are loved.

A lot of baby care is fashion. The previous generation always did things wrong. Its amazing how the human race ever survived.

TheBigJessie · 09/02/2012 11:51

I've heard that some people are weird, and like to boast about how their baby is really "advanced, and weaned at [stupid week number]"

Never actually encountered it for myself though.

blackoutthesun · 09/02/2012 11:54

well my 10month old dd was weaned early, has 1 bottle a day, has bigger sized portions

nothing to do with wanting her to grow up, its following gp's and hv's advice

Firawla · 09/02/2012 12:49

Op i do know what you mean, although ive not seen all those examples but just the attitude of wanting to make them grow up quick & do things at the youngest age possible even if its ridiculous. I've seen it more with 1st babies but some people do it with all of them. I was prob more like that myself with my oldest (not to a crazy extent!!) but with the younger ones you realise they grow up so quick anyway so rush them a bit less.
As long as its nothing dangerous i dont see the big deal though

Original poster

saynothing · 09/02/2012 12:51

lazylula Totally understand you can't control it, but one of my friends decreased bottles and upped food purposely to get her LO of bottles cos she can't be bothered with the sterilising gaff! Don't think that's fair on the LO.

The tea is bad I think but using a potty when the LO is just 5 months is a bit much. No?!

OP posts:

Original poster

saynothing · 09/02/2012 12:52

That was sterilising faff

OP posts:

JugsMcGee · 10/02/2012 08:42

Have you heard of elimination communication? Some people never use nappies, they're not trying to force their babies to grow up. I don't really see the harm in catching a poo on a potty.

DS has always eaten what we have, he point blank refuses a spoon so he feeds himself. He sometimes eats bigger portions than me! They don't over feed at this age. Unless your friends are forcing spoons in their mouths. Bonus of him eating our food is that me and DH now eat a lot healthier!

Tea in a bottle is a no no though. My in laws keep trying to give him tea. Some of my friends give their babies tea and hot chocolate in their bottles. Not for me.

My DS got mistaken for a 2yo recently...he's 11 months! I have told a few people this, but mainly because it was funny, not because I want to force him to grow up.

And to the poster who made a dig about going back to work and dumping their baby on someone else, have a

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