To think it's DH who needs to wisen up and not me?

[Hecubasdaughter]

Bit of background; DH was made redundant when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I am on mat leave from a part time job. His job hunt isn't going very well. I have contacted work about going back early but that really doesn't solve the financial issue as I earn less than FT on NMW due to my number of hours. I started job hunting a couple of weeks ago and although my initial searches were for jobs related to my former career I struggled to eve find anything to apply for. I have gradually expanded my searches to find jobs to apply for looking for literally anything I should be capable of doing. It is hard as I am not trained for anything else.

DH and I had a fight about it yesterday as he thinks I am selling myself short and should restrict myself to more professional jobs that I was trained for. I on the other hand don't think we can presume to aspire to any more than NMW if we are ever to work again. Of course I am sad at never having a career again but don't think we can afford to be picky if we are to work, feed our family and keep a roof over our heads. This is going to be even more difficult when DH's entitlement to contribution based JSA runs out and we will only have my wages an CB to live on. HE even threatened to leave as he didn't want to live iwth someone so defeatest as I wasn't the woman he married. I think letting your family starve because you won't try and do what it takes is more defeatest.

Please excuse typing, Dd in my arms so typing one handed.

Its possible you're both right.

I woud suggest a compromise of a double edged job search, where you look for jobs that you're training to do and which are aspirational, and you also look for jobs at Asda (for example) NMW jobs that will bring in the cash... cover all bases, so to speak.

I think you're both being reasonable (if I ignore the highly charged emotional outbursts of the row you had - words said in anger) don't sell yourself short completely by only looking at the lower end (there aren't many jobs like that around either), but of course, don't search for only jobs where you'll be paid your worth, because if those jobs existed in abundance, we'd all be millionaires.

Where your dh goes wrong is that he assumes that you would be less likely to get a professional job if you were already working in an unqualified job than if you were at home living on benefits. There is absolutely no evidence of this.

I'm not only looking at the lower end. I search in my field at least 5 times a week it's just that there is nothing to apply for so each time I expand my search. It's true though, there isn't much else either. That's why I feel so low about the prospects of getting anything at all. Not that I will stop trying though. It is also difficult answering the why do you want this job question when the answer is 'because I'm desperate'.

Could he be scared that you'll find a job before he does?

I don't know.

I was right he is in a terrible mood today. Has done no job hunting and has now gone back to bed. DD still hasn't managed to nap so I've still not completed the application. Only managed to read it, they want me to do a timed psychometric test online so need to concentrate properly instead of running back and forward.

It's as unpleasant a situation for you as it is for him. He sounds a bit whiny TBH - have you told him you are worrying too? Because you are in the same boat and it sounds as if he is picking holes in what you do a bit much (telling you to be more ambitious/saying you doing washing up makes him feel useless ).

If it were me I'd sit down and have out with him - he's in a bad mood, ok, it's not fun for you either. You need to plan this as a couple.

Btw, how would he feel if you commented on his job applications (or do you?).

As i started reading this thread and got about three or four posts down i couldnt help thinking that the OPs DH wants to restrict her job hunting cos hes scared he will be left at home and shock horror be expected to look after the baby and do some housework. I got further down the thread and had my suspicions confirmed.
Sorry OP but i think its got less to do with his aspirations for you and more to do with the fact that he thinks children and housework are wifeys job!

I agree with other posters I think he's trying to sabotage your job application as it probably scares the beejesus out of him thinking about you with a decent job

I won't have a decent job though just a job and that's an if, a big if I find one.

If I see a job he'll be good at I point it out to him. At least I did, stopped because he would go all moody and say he wasn't applying. It was as uf he felt he was being told what to do.. I do still prompt him to fill in his job centre thing.

What about things like location? Are you in a good location for getting jobs in your field or would the possibility of relocating help with the job hunt?

OP i am very sorry for you. it is a soul destroying situation to be in. But your DP does not sound as though is is behaving well. Could he be depressed need a bit of redundancy counselling? I was made redundant and it is horrible.

I also could not get a job back in my field and am now working for substantially less, for longer hours in a call centre. I also can't see myself ever getting back into my field - the cuts are so savage the industry will not recover for such a long time and in the time it takes, my skills will expire.

Have (both of) you tried registering with temping agencies? They are often stepping stones into permanent work. That's how i got my call centre job.

I also agree that you need a big sit down talk about this. How he feels? what he thinks will happen? does he have a plan/romantic idea? is he in denial? etc.

Also sounds all very one sided - he's allowed to tell you about how you're not doing things right even though you've at least got a part time job and yet merely pointing out adverts for jobs that you've come across that might suit him is enough to send him off sulking to bed... And he's not been helping you to apply for jobs properly by looking after the dc so you can concentrate on your application.

All sounds like he is very selfish and self absorbed at the moment. Yes, being made redundant is horrible but it doesn't give him the right to abdicate from being a nice person to his wife. or to dictate about what he thinks her job strategy should be, especially if he is not willing to accept the slightest comment about his own.

I also wonder if he is getting used to being at home and not doing anything - and reckons why should he be out working if only one of you is going to be working (conveniently ignoring that he would have to do childcare and housework...). Sounds like he wants to retreat to a life of not doing anything at the moment...

Sorry to say this Op, but I think your husband is being an arse. Yes, being made redundant is quite scary (I know, it's happened to me three times in my career) and jobs are hard to come by, but for god's sake, a job is a job. You have children, there needs to be money coming in. You are doing the right thing whereas he's acting like a sulky child. He needs to man-up and stop criticising you, and act like a supportive grown-up partner. If you are both looking hard, something will come up, fingers crossed, but neither of you can afford to stick to your old fields; you have to both look more widely. Otherwise, how the hell are you going to feed your family? I'm saying nothing about his laziness when it comes to housework and childcare...twat.

Personally I would take him up on his offer to leave.

He sounds like a waste of space IMO.