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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this mum??????

108 replies

FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 22:55

On Sunday me and DS went to Sunday school, as it was snowing we decided it would be fun to play in the snow, so we decided to take the DC to the park next to the church and make Adam and Eve snowmen/women, on the way to the park one of the other children threw a snowball and although it wasn't a really hard snowball, it hit my son in the eye (which was inflamed and sore due to possible allergy) and went down his coat. I turned to the boy that threw the snowball and said "that wasn't very nice", that is all I said to him and knelt down to sort my son out.

The other mum comes out and we talk about going to the park, about a minute after she comes out her DS starts crying very loudly from behind some gravestones and when asked why he is crying he said "fullyimmersed told me off" and carries on wailing, the mum said to me "why did you tell him off" in quite a confronting way, so I told her what I had said and what he had done, she told her DC that I was sorry and that it was ok etc.. I feel quite annoyed, this woman used to be quite a good friend of mine and is my sons Godmother, she didn't care what he had done and didn't make him apologise (I would have if it was my DS throwing the snowballs)

Have been sitting on this since Sunday so I just wanted to vent on here.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/02/2012 22:59

Ahh really I wouldn't pay any mind to it.

I'm a shit aim with a snowball and I hit small kids in the face all the time by accident.

Perhaps because he didn't mean to do it, your tone made him upset and he just kind of kept it inside until he burst out crying.

I'm the same as you though, I probably would have automatically said "Be careful" but if an apology wasn't forthcoming, I would have just assumed the kid was a bit stunned.

CardyMow · 08/02/2012 23:00

How old is the child that threw the snowball? Makes a difference, IMO. If the child that threw the snowball was under 7yo, then they may not have realised that the snowball they threw would hurt, and wouldn't think of the consequences of throwing a snowball at someone's face. Older than 7yo, should know better, and should have apologised.

Also, you have to bear in mind the natural exuberance of dc when confronted with snow - on Sunday, I wound up going sledging with 13yo DD, 3 of her 13yo friends, my 9yo, my 8yo and my 1yo in the pram. ALL of the dc were throwing snowballs without any thought to consequence - even the 13yo's! Throwing them over the top of the pram, showering the 1yo with snow etc. They were just being children and having fun - I gently reminded them a few times that the baby wasn't enjoying getting covered in snow from low-flying snowballs, and then I moved him - because they were just CHILDREN having fun.

Forrestgump · 08/02/2012 23:04

Have you fallen out? I assume you have, from the way you have written about her?

You obviously know the boys name, but the post doesn't sound very personal (as in something that happened between friends?, rather than an incident between strangers)

Hope your son is ok.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 08/02/2012 23:06

After Church on Sunday, some of the teenagers took the younger children outside to play in the snow, while the adults stayed in the warm with coffee. They were all instructed not to throw snow at eachothers faces. After about 10 mins DS1 came in in tears, because a group of kids from over the road came to join in, and one of them stood right next to him and threw a snowball in his face on purpose :( The other kids that saw it confimed his story :( From what I have been told,(DS1 said the kid was about as tall as Jack, the 'teenager in charge') I would guess the child was definatelty older than 7

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 23:08

I wasn't really annoyed at her DS for throwing it, I did say that wasn't nice, and I didn't expect an apology from him and as far I was aware it was over, it was only when his mum came out and he made her aware that I would have thought that she would have told him to apologise or at least shown some concern for my DS, especially being his godmother!

I'm not sure if her DS is 5 or 6, but I don't think that confronting another adult when they tell your child that what they did wasn't nice is a good example to lead??

Also, the snowball was thrown at pretty close range.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 08/02/2012 23:09

this woman used to be quite a good friend of mine and is my sons Godmother

And when did she cease to "be a good friend"?

Tryharder · 08/02/2012 23:10

I think you were both unreasonable.

Your son got hit by a snowball. Big deal! Presumably, the boy who threw the snowball didn't aim it deliberately at your son's eye knowing that he had an inflammation. You were wrong to tell the other boy that he was not nice.

But her response sounds a bit unhinged as well. Actually I'm finding it quite hard to believe that you would get so worked up about a snowball. I think you need to let it go....

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 23:11

We fell out as friends because of an incident that happened to my son whilst at her house, which meant I had no choice other than to get the police and social services involved. I don't really want to go into it, but it did put me off going to church for a few months because I didn't want my DS to have to see them.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/02/2012 23:12

She didn't 'confront' you

She asked you why you told her child off

That's a perfectly reasonable question surely? Confused

I have to say, I agree you two sound like complete strangers...not friends.

troisgarcons · 08/02/2012 23:14

Ah, an AIBU that will unravel.... and unravel ....

You called the SS, reprimand her child and wonder why she is defensive. Not rocket science to work that one out is it??

Cabrinha · 08/02/2012 23:14

Well, it's a shame it caught your son on an already sore eye - but assuming this was just a friend of his lobbing a snowball, it sounds like you telling him off could have been out of order. Without every last detail I can't judge, but it sounds to me like the appropriate response wasn't to call him unkind, but to laugh and say 'oi you - I'm gonna get you back big style now!' and grab some snow whilst both boys start running away shouting excitedly.

The way you talk about the other mother who used to be a friend, suggests there's more to this.

On another note - WTF are Adam & Eve snowmen/women? Do they have fig leaves?

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/02/2012 23:15

Goodness, a bit of dramatic extra detail trickling out here, isn't there?

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 23:16

TryHarder, the snowball was thrown at close range, it wasn't very nice and I said it to comfort my DS as much as I said it to him.

My son is also very timid, he's never been one to get involved in snowfights etc all that much, tends to stand back and watch. He was being especially clingy on Sunday because of his eye, which was very visibly sore.

OP posts:
Original poster
FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 23:18

I didn't mention the SS and police involvement because I don't want to go into detail about it, I only mentioned it because I was asked why we fell out, but if you search my name I've talked about it before.

OP posts:
Livergirl1981 · 08/02/2012 23:20

Sorry but I thinking yabu are you maki g more of this because you are no longer friends with the other child's mother? How can you expect her to reprimand her son when she did not witness what happened?

Cabrinha · 08/02/2012 23:20

I really don't think anyone can give a proper opinion here, and there is a major backstory. Even without the police & SS incident, you're now starting to add about your boy being timid, you said the line to him not the other one...

The only thing I am sure of, is that this isn't about a snowball.

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2012 23:21

It was a soft snowball

It hit your kid in the eye

Probably not deliberate

Woman asks why you told him off

You answer

Woman comforts her son (probably thinking you were a bit OTT)

End of story really...God only knows why you've been 'sitting on this since Sunday'

Just let it go

troisgarcons · 08/02/2012 23:25

One thing, I never look @ posters previous threads ...frankly the life blood would be sucked out of me with all the petty nuances.

No idea what the back story is but enoug h with 'reporting to ss' ......and 'used to be godmother ' .... let it go ..... damage has been done in the past .....no way on Gods green earth would she want to talk to you (rightly or wrongly) or apologise

incidently the "used to be godmother" - does the Church have a service t o strip someone of that privilege?

LineRunner · 08/02/2012 23:25

What Worra said.

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 08/02/2012 23:31

I said "she used to be quite a good friend of mine and is my sons Godmother" If only there was a way to strip her of that honor I would jump at the chance!

You're all right, I'm probably stewing on it because of that incident, but I guarantee you if what happened to my DS at her house was to happen to one of your DC, you'd probably be the same. I just hope my son was young enough for him to forget it.

OP posts:
ValarMorghulis · 08/02/2012 23:33

I have no idea what happened before but i would imagine you are both still pretty raw about it and so are both reacting with a bit more "edge" than you probably should

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/02/2012 23:37

So this has got nothing to do with a snowball at all, does it?

troisgarcons · 08/02/2012 23:43

What was the outcome of the SS investigtion - if there was one?

LineRunner · 08/02/2012 23:45

I'm sorry, I don't know your history.

Whatmeworry · 08/02/2012 23:45

So this has got nothing to do with a snowball at all, does it?

Indeed not, it is in fact snowballing.....

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