..to really struggle with the 'mum's group' politics.

[PatButchersEarring]

DS is 2.5. I've known and been friends with a group of mums for a couple of years, and over the last few weeks have had a terse conversation with one of them re the fact that her DS was continually being aggressive to mine. As a result I have distanced myself somewhat from that relationship.

Now another friend has informed me that she is unhappy with something my DS has said about hers. (It was insensitive, but my DS is 2 and a half fgs, and I have apologised for it). The friend has pretty much said that that DS must be repeating something I had said! It absolutely is not the case, and I have told her so, and to be honest I'm hurt that someone would think I would prime my 2 year old to say insensitive things about another child!

I don't know. I'm just getting really fed up with it all. It feels like being back at school. Has anyone else had this, and any tips on coping with it?

How can she take what a 2 year old says so personally?!
The little two year old I nanny for tells me he doesn't like me and shuts the door so I cant get in the room, then five minutes later he does the same to his mum- it's just a game, a way of him discriminating, at that age they're just learning, they do need to be told off if they hurt people or be distracted/ taken away if they don't yet have the social skills to deal with a situation without getting frustrated.
I am not a mother and I understand this, I think the universe is telling you to start moving in different circles. Good luck YANBU

It depends what your DS said. If it was something quite 'adult' that you wouldn't expect a child to think of themselves (eg that her DS is fat because he eats too much chocolate - random example but you get what I mean) then I can understand her thinking your DS must have overheard you say it to your DP (not the same thing as priming your DS to say it - was that your word or hers?).

Re the aggressive toddler, I have been on both sides of the fence on this -my DS1 was a gentle boy who never hurt another child while my DS2 went through a hitting phase. I know how awful it is to see your child hurt, but from the other mum's point of view it may be hard for her to hear criticism about her DS (and implicitly her) when she is genuinely doing her best to deal with his behaviour.

I do know what you mean about mums' politics though. It can get a bit petty at times.

Hmm. Agree with mrspepper, it depends what your ds said. For example my ds went into nursery one day and a boy told him "I'm not allowed to play with you you're too aggressive". I've since kept a polite distance from his mum (FWIW I'm not being PFB about my son, he can be normally boisterous like any kid but he's never hit, bitten or kicked anyone whereas this other boy jumps on me and ds when I pick him up and has thrown things at my ds's face etc.).

However, since you and this woman are clearly not bosom buddies anyway I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it!

Mrspepper & Fork; My DS is very verbal. Hers not so much so. My DS said 'I don't want to go over there to play with (her DS), because he doesn't talk'.

5 minutes later they were both playing together nicely.

Her DS is a late talker, and it is something which my friend was worried about, and to that end I have discussed it with her (maybe in front of kids- I can't really remember). BUT it is not something which has been discussed at home etc, as to be honest, I couldn't give a rats arse what other kids are or aren't doing when it's no concern of mine! I don't know- it's just a minefield!

A worry parents of 'non-verbal' children can have is that other children won't want to play because of the lack of communication.
So it may just have hit a nerve.

I think the universe is telling you to start moving in different circles.

Love it :)

My reaction is (Klaxon sound) Mums Groups - Avoid Avoid Avoid

Maybe your DS has picked up on the irritation you feel towards both the mum and son over his 'aggression'. I think the use of this word to describe a 2.5 year olds behaviour seems inappropriate. Also, you're expecting her to make allowances for your son's comments but won't make any for her son's behaviour which is not uncommon when a 2 year old is testing the boundaries.

Yes I would distance myself if the company is not enjoyable.

i learnt not to "get in" with just one group so you arent in each others faces too much

i.e school gate mums
kids cemtre mums
mums in my street etc
people ive known ages with kids

a little bit of time with each doesnt allow things to get too personal that things can be blown out of proportion and group politics sets in

Goldenbear- they are 2 different friends, so that's not the case.

Liveinazoo- yes, I think that's sensible, and will probably be the approach I take in future.