To feel it was a bit of a goodbye?

[Newmummytobe79]

I work a distance from home (2 hour round trip on a clear drive - not London based) and went to see my colleagues the other day to introduce baby.

The job I do is best suited to single people with no commitments.

It was great to see them all but it felt like goodbye too.

I have a number of months left on ML, but the team seemed so tight, and I felt I wasnt needed anymore - or expected to return.

I know I can ask to go back part time but I know the commute and the role isnt really suited to part time work. I'm sure they would accomodate me but I'd feel guilty not working the hours the others do and sayiing no to out of hours work wouldn't go down well. 24 hour Blackberry anxiety would also return!

I know deep down I would be better off looking for a part time job nearer to home that doesnt involve nights away or weekend work but don't really know how to broach this subject with them.

It felt like they were waiting for me to say it ... and I was waiting for them.

Is it a cop out to put my feelings down in an email? I know this is the cowards way but I'm not very good at saying how I feel face-to-face and don't really want to make the journey again to discuss it.

I feel as if they'll be relieved if I say I don't want to return - but they are so lovely, they'd never voice it.

I also feel a bit panicky at not returning - what if I can't get part time work near home etc? Loosing my identity as a career woman etc

Has anyone else felt like this? Did you return or was getting a less stressful job nearer home a relief?

Any advice would be great!

No advice but lots of sympathy here. My DS is 3 months and I'm in a similar situation. Although I can work part time, this will impact massively on my career - which I have worked hard to build. Scary stuff taking a leap into the unknown, but for me I just know I need to spend time with my son.

If explaining your feelings in an email to colleagues feels right - go for it, though I would try to speak to one or two who you are closer to.

I would put feelers out about another PT job for a while and then see. You don't have to legally let them know until nearer the time although it is fair to do so asap.

However you would be mad (personally speaking!) to return to that pressure, but if you could get baby looked after for one more time I'd go in & speak about it face to face with your lovely boss , it will clear the air & pave the way for a glowing reference!!

Just say that after the visit it underlined the difficulties you would be facing and made you face up to the realities of juggling it all.

BTW whatever you decide get the childcare sorted out pronto, that is more difficult than finding a job!

Good luck!

Thank you both for the kind words. That's an afternoon Googling part-time jobs for me I think.

And good idea re glowing reference! :)

Will see what's around before making my final decision. Not as simple as I thought it'd be!