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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To knock a pound of my son's pocket money every time he swears in front of me

18 replies

shaketastic · 07/02/2012 23:04

I have recently gone back to work and my daughter is working now so is contributing to the household, up untill this I have never been able to give my 16 year old ds regular pocket money.
Now when I get paid I give him £50 a month to spend on what he wants, I still pay for nessaties, He is a good lad and doesn't give me much grief but he does swear alot and I hate it, I have told him that every time he swears within my earshot that I will be deducting a pound from his money,
He says Iabu as he does it without thinking, I said this on sat and he is already a fiver down, I think by the time his money is due he will be oweing me,
Am I being to harsh?

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 07/02/2012 23:06

yanbu at all - he needs to learn to control his language - it's about respect. I think he'll soon learn if he knows he'll be out of pocket!

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2012 23:09

YANBU at all

My kids don't swear in front of me and I don't swear in front of my Dad (or my Mum when she was alive.)

I think the worst thing about swearing all the time is that you don't know you're doing it so therefore can't control it in certain situations.

Imagine a Primary School teacher shouting "Fuck!" because they've stubbed their toe in class?

DodieSmith · 07/02/2012 23:13

YANBU. With this as an incentive it might help him think about it a bit more. When he gets a job he will have to learn when not to swear. Maybe it hasn't worked yet as he thinks you may back down.

thisisyesterday · 07/02/2012 23:15

£50 a month??????? good grief

no, yanbu

Original poster
shaketastic · 07/02/2012 23:18

I agree he does need to learn some self controll and swearing when you are with your mates is one thing but swearing in front of family is another.
I am well old but still wouldn't swear in front of my mum unless it was within a joke or similar conversation,
I think swearing (I mean the really bad words) has become too normal in this generation and he knows the minute he has said it that it was wrong but it's to late, I hope by deducting his money that he learns think about what he says before he says it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/02/2012 23:18

I think yabu a bit depending on what "in earshot" means... if he is in his room talking to his mates, and you happen to overhear him swear, then it would be unfair.. if he is at the dinner table, or is saying it to you, then that is different..

I would be telling him to go and get a weekend job though.. at 16 he is old enough to be earning £50 a month, not having you giving it to him.

Original poster
shaketastic · 07/02/2012 23:27

When I say earshot I mean speaking to me or his sis, and not in a jokey way but when it is said abrubtly or agressivly,
I know we can all swear, but sometimes it comes across differently than other times,
He is looking for work outside of school but there isn't much going around here, I don't think £12.50 a week is excessive for a 16 year old in this day and age,

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 07/02/2012 23:42

I would put the money somewhere rather than deduct it, then when he's gone a week without swearing in front of you, reward his effort. But only do this ONCE!

I don't mind a bit of swearing, well I don't tolerate it with my 8 and 4 year olds but its not something that overly bothers me IF the rest of the vocab is varied and in existence... I'm more likely to punish grunts than a well placed swear word. In the right context swearing has a valid place.

YANBU though, your rules.

fortyplus · 08/02/2012 00:06

shaketastic - £12.50 per month not unreasonable in exchange for a few household chores, but too much as a handout with no strings attached. Mine are 16 and 18 and they receive £6 per week for a few jobs then have the chance to earn extra.

There's a proven link between 6th form students working 8 hours per week or more and dropping grades so I don't want mine to undertake formal paid employment just yet.

Aribura · 08/02/2012 00:10

£50?! Yes, he could well do with some knocking off. Hmm

Spermysextowel · 08/02/2012 00:17

OP, I don't think it helps if you're differentiating between it being ok if it's said in a jokey or aggressive way. He is old enough to know the one from the other, but to allow it on the one hand but not on the other is a bit of a mixed message?

ComposHat · 08/02/2012 00:24

I don't really have a problem with swearing and I think there's a world of difference between saying 'oh fuck' in mild annoyance at himself and telling someone to 'fuck off'

I would be largely unconcerned with the former and would be prepared to dock money for the latter.

Mumcentreplus · 08/02/2012 00:29

Sounds fine to me...

Dustinthewind · 08/02/2012 01:10

One of the reasons to give them pocket money is so you can fine them. Grin
Mine is 17 and gets £15 a week. He hasn't been fined for a few years now, but it is a useful reminder when he forgets. Swearing wasn't an issue with him, but there were other annoyances that were worth trying to control and it worked as a strategy.

5Foot5 · 08/02/2012 13:08

YANBU. If he really does swear without thinking then the sooner that gets nipped in the bud the better. Swearing with certain people in a context where it is normal, e.g. with his mates, is fair enough but he has to learn to control it so that he doesn't do this in a situation where it would be unacceptable.

Re the £50 a month. Some people seem to take issue with this for a 16 year old but I think your explanation is quite reasonable if he is genuuinely doing chores to earn this. Our DD is 16 and we have said her basic pocket money is £7 a week, for that she is expected to help out with general chores such as washing up, helping with shopping etc. However, she can earn an extra £5 a week on top of that by completing a couple of specific jobs - hoovering all over the house once a week and taking responsibiltiy for one load of washing a week. I think the hoovering alone is worth a £5 of my money actually.

cory · 08/02/2012 13:28

What 5Foot5 said. The essential thing is not that he never swears but that it is not allowed to develop into a habit that he cannot control: otherwise he is going to miss out on opportunities in life. It is partly for this reason that I do not allow my children to swear at home: it is not because I think it is dreadful if they swear when they're talking to their mates, but because I think it would be a shame if they messed up a job interview or upset a customer because they genuinely are not in control of their language. I am happy to let them practise their non-swearing on me Grin

BluriahHeep · 08/02/2012 13:32

"He says Iabu as he does it without thinking, "

LOL at the logic of a 16 yo.

Ragwort · 08/02/2012 13:34

YANBU - swearing is horrible, he needs to learn that it is not appropriate ' he says he is doing it without thinking - does he swear at school? What would the consequences be then?

My DS doesn't swear (in my hearing) but he does get pocket money docked for other bad behaviour - and he only gets £1 a week anyway Grin.

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