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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really annoyed that someone at work has now backtracked and left me in a lot of trouble?

20 replies

JinglingAllTheWay · 07/02/2012 18:28

Don't want to be accused of drip feeding but also can't give away any identificable features as could make things worked. Am sooo p*ssed off at the situation and don't know what to do.

Will try and give as much detail as pos while still keeping things anonymous. There was a meeting held at work last week about putting in a bid to create a community space. The lady that was all for it was the Line Manager of all the centres where this possible community space could be created. She came to the meeting to specifically tell us about this and what sort of things we could do with the money if the bid was successful. I looked at the best community space to meet our needs and put in a bid ( as discussed with said line manager and rung her to tell her. She knew what the bid was for and said yes it was all fine and I could put it in, knew the location of said bid and agreed it all etc). So all fine and dandy or so I thought.

Today, one of the "Bigger Bosses" so to speak found out and went mad saying that this bid should not have been allowed to go in and that the person who manages the community space I put in a bid to add to, was fuming that she had not been consulted. The only reason I didn't speak to her was that her line manager had agreed it all and I said ( as evidenced in an email) that I would discuss with the woman who manages the space if the bid was successful. I would of course have spoken to her had it not been for her line Manager saying to go ahead. There was no mention of discussing it with her yesterday.

The Line Manager, who previously okayed it all by phone has ( a day later) now sent me an email back-tracking ( after she was told off about it) saying the bid was not what we agreed at all. I'm Angry as she's lying to cover her ass as the "Big Boss" has been on to her saying the bid should never have been put in. She claims the bid was NOTHING like we agreed and she had "concerns" with it. It was exactly as discussed on the phone and no chance of cross wires as we chatted about it yesterday and all was well.

The big boss has now been on to me saying I need to apologise to the lady who manages the community space as she is very cross and that the "biggest boss" is going to hit the roof. He is also cross with me, though as far as I was concerned, I followed all the procedures correctly and made him aware of this. I also pointed out how a similar setting in the same town had won this funding recently and his response to that was that they should never have bid for it either.... ( Well if this was the case why didn't he make us all aware of this before!)

I know there isn't much I can do except grovel to everyone but I feel cross that she is lying to cover herself and pass the buck. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
JinglingAllTheWay · 07/02/2012 18:30

Also have to email the Town Councillors the bid went to and say I am retracting it though I have been told I am not allowed to say why Hmm

OP posts:
ShagOBite · 07/02/2012 18:31

um, YANBU.

DizzyDizzyDinosaur · 07/02/2012 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheParanoidAndroid · 07/02/2012 18:33

Of course there is something you can do! Stand your ground, don't apologise for someone elses lies...why on earth would you do that? Confused

Don't "be annoyed", do something about it.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 07/02/2012 18:36

Stand up for yourself and tell people that she is lying. Be gracious about it, do not slag her off in any way, even be nice about her by saying that you can understand why she backtracked when you talk to people. Do everything you can to clear up the mess and apologise for the difficulties people are having because of this. But do make it very clear that your position is that you did what was agreed and your colleague was lying.

It will come good in the end.

Backtobedlam · 07/02/2012 18:44

This sounds such a horrible situation, she's just trying to cover herself and shift the blame which is cowardly. Everyone makes mistakes it's how you deal with them, YANBU and I think you should stand your ground, explain exactly what happened and back up with any evidence you have.

JinglingAllTheWay · 07/02/2012 19:18

I don't know who I can go to.... Everyone more senior is cross, so don't know who I could moan to or stand my ground to?! Feel a bit like there isn't anything I can apart from apologise.

OP posts:
Clytaemnestra · 07/02/2012 20:20

Is the bid actually the wrong kind of bid though? Putting aside the issue about her lying, you seem to be implying that the bid was actually incorrect and shuld not have been submitted in the form that it was. So you are at fault as well as her? Or is the bid only wrong because the community manager didn't agree to it?

You need to seperate the two issues, and kind of own the one that you are at fault for (apologies if I've misunderstood). Say that you're really sorry that the bid was incorrect, you should have known that these kind of bids aren't to be submitted etc etc. And THEN you can put in that x was behind it, as submitted, 100% so there has obviously been some kind of misunderstanding at their end as well.

If you just focus on the lying, then that is not going to pacify anyone, as the fact the wrong bid went in is ultimately your final responsibility and you need to own and apologise for that.

HansieMom · 07/02/2012 20:34

Your dog is not the problem, your son is. He does not get to dictate things. He is getting away with too much. That does not make him happy--two year olds are not meant to be the leader, that is too much responsibility for a small child.

HansieMom · 07/02/2012 20:35

Oh, pickle, wrong thread. Sorry!

ShagOBite · 07/02/2012 20:36

Haha I'm on both threads an got really confuse then!

Shenanagins · 07/02/2012 20:53

I think you need to stand up for yourself on this one as it could be used against you at a later date, say for example there are redundancies.

You have witnesses from a meeting who heard her being openly positive about this.

You have an e-mail from her stating not to go ahead but this was sent after the sh*t had hit the fan, she has nothing in writing prior to categorically say not to go ahead.

Basically, she has nothing to support her side of events so go directly to the boss boss and state the facts and ask why you are being made to apologise. If you don't, your position and professionalism will always be vulnerable.

To state the now obvious to you, follow up verbal agreements via email.

minimisschief · 07/02/2012 20:54

should have got her confirmation by email.

Shenanagins · 07/02/2012 21:05

Oh, just a few other thoughts on this.

Do you have autonomoy in your role to proceed with bids without prior approval. If not, then challenge on why you would do so in this instance.

If you do, then ask, why using your judgement this is now an issue.

JinglingAllTheWay · 08/02/2012 05:55

Clytae - the bid was the right type and I've done similar in past, it's just the big boss has now decided he doesn't want us putting bids in Hmm (though he never told us this!)

OP posts:
JosieZ · 08/02/2012 06:20

I'm not sure about making a stand. This furore will probably have died a death by next week and most will have forgotten about it. Senior staff may not care who is responsible and just want it sorted.

Can you 'apologise for the misunderstanding' to manager of the open space and bigger bosses, likewise send apologies to councillors but with 'apologies for misunderstanding' rather than a personal apology.

Just mark it as a sharp learning curve and not get caught out like this again.

gamerwidow · 08/02/2012 06:28

Yes agree with the above, apologise for the misunderstanding but do not take personal responsibility. Everyone gets caught out at least once by something like this, chalk it up to experience and document everything including phonecalls by sending an email summary of the conversation next time.

TroublesomeEx · 08/02/2012 10:46

Write and express regret but it has become necessary to withdraw the bid.

Apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Don't send a personal apology, you have done nothing wrong.

In future, everything is in writing. If someone will only confirm verbally, email and do the whole "further to our conversation on X.X.XX, I can confirm that I will XXXXXXXXX as discussed." then invite them to make any corrections.

When I was on my NQT year, my mentor refused to put anything in writing if it wasn't statutory and then when my actions/her decisions were challenged in staff meetings she denied all knowledge and sat around tables closing ranks with her colleagues. After that I emailed her and CCd the HT in on EVERYTHING. The 'misunderstandings' soon stopped.

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 08/02/2012 11:10

"saying I need to apologise to the lady who manages the community space as she is very cross"

If this does become necessary try a non apology blaming miss communication or differing understanding of a conversation with her boss or it was my understanding from your boss not to consult you till it was bid was successful apparently this was a miss communication.

Say you never meant to upset her - which I'm sure is true but get it in there some how that her beef is really with her boss not you.

I had an immediate superior was was sat directly behind me - I use to e-mail him to get things agreed often along FoldGirls suggestions. Always felt odd - so often waited till he was away from his desk - as he had a bad habit of blaming his underlings for his cock ups. Turns up higher management was well aware but didn't care as long as situations got sorted and blame assigned somewhere.

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 08/02/2012 11:10

oh - I left as soon as possible as did rest of team under him so didn't help him long term.

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