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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

children's party - friend changed her mind about bringing ds home

43 replies

nantucketisle · 07/02/2012 18:23

My 7 year old ds went to his friend's party at a local hall today after school. I know his mum well - we go to playgroups together, have coffee and generally meet up after school so the dcs can play (she also has a 1 year old dd). Party started at 3.30 so took ds straight to the hall after school with 1 year old dd. DD started crying pretty much as soon as we arrived, she has a bit of a cold at the moment so obviously felt unwell. I stuck it out for 20 mins but dd getting more and more upset so made my apologies to friend and said we'd have to go home, thanks for inviting us etc etc

Friend said my ds could stay and she would bring him home (we live very near each other). I asked twice if she was sure. Her DH then said he had a spare booster seat and would bring my ds home. I said that would be great if they didn't mind bringing ds home. They said no problem. I was pleased - didnt want ds to miss out because his sister not well.

Walked home, dd still not well and fell asleep around 6ish. Literally minutes after I put dd in her cot my phone rang it was my friend asking me if I could come and collect my ds. I said 'oh I thought you were bringing him home' she said all the children were going home and she had to tidy up the hall.

I had to get and wake up dd and walk in the dark to pick up ds, only a 20 min walk but dd crying the whole way. Got there and her dh looks at me and says 'oh you decided to pick up your ds early then?' I said 'no your wife rang me to come and get him!' Cue lots of apologising from him and a confused 'I said I'd take nantuckets ds home' to his wife.

I said 'thanks for inviting ds' to friend and stormed off.

So angry. If I'd known friend wouldn't/couldn't bring ds I wouldn't have let him stay.

OP posts:

KittyFane · 07/02/2012 21:24

Is OP in the UK?

GColdtimer · 07/02/2012 21:27

Perhaps 6 was a typo and she meant 5?

Also, even if tidying up looked horrendous a 20min walk is only a few minutes in the car. It does sound odd but I think the time to have asked her about it was when she called. if she is any type of friend she will call you and apologise when her dh tells her oddly she behaved

maddening · 07/02/2012 21:31

unless 20 mins was there and back?

DexterTheCat · 07/02/2012 23:09

Sorry to high jack but I had something very similar.

DS1 (10 years) was invited to a party on the other side of town 1.30 until 3.30 DS2 was having his own birthday party at 4.30. Another mother, who had children at both parties, accosted me a couple of days before and asked me if I wanted her to pick up DS1 when she picked up her own son from the first party and bring them both over to DS2's party when she brought her DD. 'Very kind', I said, 'Are you sure it won't be too much trouble?' 'Oh no', she said, 'It'll be nice for (her DS) to have some company'

Now I know her DS has difficulty making friends (I have wondered if he's on the spectrum) but DS1 is friendly with him (had invited him to his own birthday party)so I thought a win win situation all round and actually got the impression I was doing her a bigger favour by providing some company for her DS.

Anyway morning of the party I text the Mum again telling her how much I appreciated her picking up DS1 as there was a bit of a blip with DS2's party arrangements and I was running around like a mad thing.

Got in car to go to DS2's party and notice I had dropped my mobile on the floor. Picked it up and noticed a load of missed calls. Listened to the voice mail and it turned out father (not mother) of the other child had turned up and refused to take DS1 stating he knew nothing about it. He had also refused to wait whilst the party child's parent rang me (although as I had left phone in car wouldn't have assisted!!). DP rings party parents who thankfully live in vicinity of DS2's party and state they have no problem dropping him off which they did to much profuse apologies by me (had mini breakdown on way to party and arrived with mascara all over my face and DP making me do deep breathing exercises).

Anyway mother turns up at DS2's party with the invited DD and two other univited ones (but that's another whole thread). She made no comment and to be honest I was so upset I knew if I even tried to address what had gone wrong with her I would have said something I regretted and spoilt DS2's party. She spent the whole party messing with her i-phone so she must have seen the text message I had sent her that morning thanking her but still says nothing and acts like nothing is wrong (I even managed to rustle up a couple of party bags for the uninvited DDs).

It wasn't until a couple of weeks later (wondering if she had been mulling over an excuse) when we ended up sat next to each other at the school show that she decided to apologise about the 'mix up' (so she was obviously aware there was a problem). Apparently her son had told her that my DS had told him that he no longer needed picking up from the party so didn't bother to tell her husband when he went to pick up!!!

I was gobsmacked that she would have taken the word of an 11 year old and not checked with me directly!!! (DS1 wasn't even aware of the arrangement until the day of the party so this was rubbish)This explanation doesn't also address the text I sent that morning expressing my gratitude at her help. And in a very British way and I put on a forced smile and said' Never mind. Obviously a bit of misunderstanding.'

And what did I learn from this??? Always phone (not text) on the day of the favour to make sure there is no issue and don't accept favours from people you don't know that well.

KittyFane · 08/02/2012 06:28

Dexter- no, you learn: 'have nothing to do with this woman again, ever.'
Awful :( can't believe you didn't tell her to leave your DS party.
She turned up there without your other son? With uninvited children in tow?

GColdtimer · 08/02/2012 06:36

Dexter, these stories never fail to astound me. I realise how lucky I am to have pretty normal and helpful friends!

StealthPolarBear · 08/02/2012 06:43

Some people are very strange. Tell us what your friend says today op

Original poster

nantucketisle · 08/02/2012 12:54

well I saw my friend this morning in the school playground and she didn't say a word. I've learnt a valuable lession ie do not trust her again!

OP posts:

arghmyear · 08/02/2012 13:25

looks like she's shown her true colours!

giraffes · 08/02/2012 13:29

eh so OP what about the weird timings on all this?!

Sandalwood · 08/02/2012 13:31

I bet the DCs were tearing around and difficult to control at the same time as tidying, so she wanted one less to mind.

fuzzPigwickPapers · 08/02/2012 13:34

Dexter in your case it sounds like it was her DH being a right arsehole.

GColdtimer · 08/02/2012 14:56

"I bet the DCs were tearing around and difficult to control at the same time as tidying, so she wanted one less to mind."

Her DH was there. They are aged 7 not 2 or 3. She offered. She knew her friend's DD was poorly. She also knew the OP would have taken her DS with her had she not insisted she would take him home.

Steer clear in future OP!

DexterTheCat · 08/02/2012 18:32

fuzz I think you may be right. Even DP said if he turned up at a party and the was told he was expected to take another child that he didn't know about would have rung me to check. It just seems like common sense.

Having said that I just couldn't believe she spent the whole party messing on her i-phone. She MUST have seen my message so surely she should have realised there had been some sort of mix-up.If my DP had done this I would have been mortified. I certainly wouldn't have continued on to the second party with my extra children in tow!!!

hocuspontas · 08/02/2012 18:58

Why did the DH mention about deciding to pick your ds up early? Surely the party had ended by this time plus the 20 min walk?

saladsandwich · 08/02/2012 20:27

i was at a party where similar situation happened, someones child was being taken home by the part childs dad. during the party i overheard a small arguement the dad decided he didnt want to do it, not sure what happened, but the childs mum came for him and she werent happy and the dad was like, oh i said i'd take him home... might not be the same with your friend but you never know

whoknowsme · 15/02/2012 15:53

Timings, nantucketisle, timings.

What's the point of updating on a situation that couldn't have been real based on the timings you quoted.

dandelionss · 15/02/2012 16:57

I think your DS must have done something to piss her off mightily?I think she was trying to tell you she couldn't cope with tidying up and your DS at the same time.

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