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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have changed my mind?

48 replies

MateyMooo · 07/02/2012 17:02

Last year a freind of mine was getting rid of a travel cot (to the tip) and a cotbed.
We had given away our cotbed to a friend about a month earlier but then decided to do childminding and needed the stuff again.

my friend was upgrading her DC room and had a cotbed she said we could have along with some other stuff that DC grew out of. we discussed that i had no money and wouldnt have any until the childminding was up and running.

I was thinking of £100. we got was the cotbed and the travel cot that was fit for the tip.

since then the friendship has faded away

Yesterday she asked me how the CM was going and i told her i was really enjoying it. this morning she stopped me and asked me for the £200 i owe her because she's really skint. i was wrongfooted and expressed surprise and eventually agreed on £150.

However i dont actually have any money of my own and my CM activites have brought in £120 to date, which hasnt covered costs.

When i told my DH that i needed money and what i needed it for - hes gone mental and told me that i could get both brand new from argos for £130. and he wont give me the money to give to her.

so i have text her and apologised and said i'll get the stuff together for her to return it to her, but i'm now scared of what to SAY to her when i see her, because obviously i want to speak with her and explain.

Help me

OP posts:

Glenshee · 11/02/2012 21:41

I think you owe a thanks to your DH for being able to see things clearly.

£200 for the used stuff is totally unreasonable - just tell her directly this is not what you are prepared to pay... because you're not, surely?

The way the situation has developed is appalling, and I agree with others this is a good time and reason to get out of the relationship.

LizzieMo · 11/02/2012 21:42

But she hadn't 'sold' them, as no money had changed hands. Either they belong to her- in which case they are her responsibility, or she has lent/given to you- so no £200. I would stand firm, if there is no longer a friendship there I would not worry.

Glenshee · 11/02/2012 21:42

WhereMyMilk - @ cheap storage price !!!

timeforanewname · 11/02/2012 21:48

If i were you i would phone her or get your DH to and say you wll be dropping them off to her in the morning, I wouldnt even pay £50 for a second hand cot and a fit for the tip travel cot. You need to grow some balls and tell her you will not be giving her any money.

lechatnoir · 11/02/2012 21:55

Just say I'm sorry but I simply don't have £200 and would have gone to Argos and bought new at that price so she'll either have to collect it or accept the £50 or whatever you think is appropriate.

BackforGood · 11/02/2012 22:10

Agree with others. Say there seems to have been some misunderstanding. You thought she was taking them to the tip / getting rid, and was therefore quite happy to give them you. Tell her you can't afford to pay that sort of money for things, and she can either have them back or not (you can tell her they've not been used yet), but there's simply no money to give her.
It sounds like she's being a chancer and you won't really be losing a friend if she doesn't speak to you again.

Maryz · 11/02/2012 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 11/02/2012 22:19

I would say that you agreed £100 when the business had taken off which it hasn't yet. Tell her you don't know when you will have any money so you would rather she sold the items and you will provide 2 weeks storage free of charge in your home whilst she does something about them - ebay or whatever!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 11/02/2012 22:24

Just tell her that she can pick them up or not, but that you are not paying more than £50 for them both, take it or leave it.

Honestly, she's trying to rip you off. It is not your problem whether she has storage space for them or not.

Original poster

MateyMooo · 11/02/2012 22:29

i feel like such a wimp - why cant i stand up to her?

OP posts:

aquashiv · 11/02/2012 22:32

If your husband is hitting the roof then thats usually a good one to hide behind.
Personally argument or not I would just PHONE her and say I am am sorry there seems to be some confusion and state what you said to us....eg she was taking them to the tip etc.
£200 is it some sort of wonderful brand? Or does she think you can claim this back as an expense either way thats way above market rate.
Stop with the texts though it will get out of hand.

whydontwehaveasharpknife · 11/02/2012 22:41

This is the kind of thing that happens to me, could you email her explaining everything?

GnomeDePlume · 11/02/2012 22:46

Well stop being a wimp and show a bit of spine! She is trying to con you because she thinks you are a bit wet and easily brow beaten. I'm afraid that is how you are coming across here. Your husband has read the situation right. Say no and tell her she can have her stuff back because you dont want it.

pictish · 11/02/2012 22:47

No. No - this is silly.
Don't create because your dp has said so, create because really - she's bang out isn't she?

I think it is ridiculous that she should ask for anything for them.

Fuck it right - the friendship fizzled out anyway, so drive the items over to her place, leave them outside with a note.

I don't have anything like £200 quid to spare. I certainly never agreed on £200 anyway. I think you have been quite unpleasant about this. Please have these back.

Matey

Original poster

MateyMooo · 11/02/2012 22:47

i dont have her email address....

i just Know she'll be down the school slagging me off to those who will listen. i feel sick because when we were first friends she used to do this about others and i always agreed with her and never saw it from other peoples perspective.

all the friends i have, i've had for 20 yrs+ but i've moved away from the area and from them.

she doesnt have any longstanding friends and her new friends dont tend to last long, but she does have a 'big voice' at the school.

OP posts:

pictish · 11/02/2012 22:48

No more texts. Shake the boot off.

pictish · 11/02/2012 22:50

So what? She's not the queen of you!
Honestly - for the credible among us, tittle tattle over shit like this is not at all interesting. It will fade in a day.

Get her and her £200 to fuck.
I would.

PurplePidjin · 11/02/2012 22:56

So get in at the school gate with "Do you know what Mrs Cheekyfucker tried on me over half term? Guess how much she wanted for a manky old travel cot..."

GnomeDePlume · 11/02/2012 22:59

Who gives a tinker's s**t what she says? Your clientel as a CM wont be at the school gate because they are working and need your services as a CM.

People like her are life's leeches, you are doing the rest of us a favour by not giving in to her.

rosie1977 · 11/02/2012 23:00

£200 for a used cot bed and a travel cot is ridiculous. I would text her back and tell her your DH refuses to pay £200 for her old tat. Then send her a letter stating she has 1 week to collect her cotbed and travel cot or they will be skipped.

pictish · 11/02/2012 23:02

Just take them over there. Seriously do. At most, she'll have to lean them against a wall or something. Big woop.

There's your gear, now scram.

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 11/02/2012 23:16

One text:

I thinl yabu as you wanted to take bed & cot to the tip so I offered to recycle them for you. You are now demanding £200 for these items that wouldn't fetch £20 on Ebay. Please collect before x date, if this is not possible I will arrange to have them returned to you.

No more texts.

oldraver · 11/02/2012 23:17

For £200 you could buy an brand new basic travel cot and cotbed.... she's pulling a fast one

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