To be worried about DS2's gun obsession?

[CalamityKate]

Basically, DS2 ( 8 ) is obsessed with guns.

He's got every type of toy gun known to man.

With or without a gun in his hands, his every movement is accompanied by gun noises.

He wants to join the Army when he grows up.

He will play with other stuff, and play imaginitive games that don't involve guns, but ultimately they remain his first love. He had a brief flirtation with a YoYo for about a week, but lost interest and went back to guns.

I don't like it. I've always been of the opinion that if you don't let them play with toy guns, they'll use a stick or their finger, but should I take them away? Yes he'll use a stick or his finger, but is that preferable?

I have told him I don't like him being so into guns, and explained that it's because guns kill and hurt people, and his attitude is to sigh and say "Yes I know that but I'm only pretending".

He says he wants to join the Army. I say "But you'd have to KILL people" and he says "Yes but I'd be SAVING people. The Army only kill baddies so that the baddies can't hurt anyone".

Am I overreacting? I just don't like to see it - particularly when he's SO obsessive. I'm fed up hearing him yelling in an American accent "COVER ME GUYS, I'M GOING IN" everywhere he goes.

I know boys often like guns, but how much is normal??

YANBU - I wouldnt like it either but.....where is he getting this obsession from? Does he watch films, play consoles that are above his years?

If not then I imagine he will grow out of it soon enough, my son (9) has had loads of fads and at the moment loves his nerf guns (we have one each and have a sunday afternoon war) but he isnt obsessed by them, half hour is enough and then we are all bored!

Dont make it a big deal though, or he will just get more obsessed!

Films - no.

Shooty XBox games - not age inappropriate ones, no. But even Lego Indiana Jones has a gun - guess which is DS's weapon of choice when we play that?

Well I wouldnt worry too much then, he has told you he is only pretending so it's just role play which is good for kids to do.

YANBU Please don't worry. I was one of these parents who didn't buy guns and my boys use sticks EVERY time we go out! Its just a phase and they don't really understand the implications.

PS we have now moved to a Skylanders obsession!!!

My advice to you would be to just ask the question on one parenting forum he he he :D

YAB a bit U. My brothers were both obsessed with guns at that age and wanted to join the army. I got forced to participate in endless games of Gun, which bored me rigid. They both grew out of it though, both seem fairly nice and normal adult men as far as I can tell and neither of them have grown up to be a mass murderer or even a soldier.

Don't worry. My ds is a very sensitive little boy of 8. He runs scared of Doctor Who and we don't let him watch anything violent or play violent computer games. In fact we are pretty strict about anything like that and computer games in general. But he is still obsessed with guns, bombs and armies.

I know he'd run a mile if he saw a real gun. I think it's all to do with them rationalising things and dealing with death and so on. I don't encourage him to have guns but he has inevitably acquired some and his friends are all the same, they have gun battles.

It's normal and it doesn't mean to sat that you are a bad parent or that he's going to grow up to be a psycho. I think it's just a normal stage of development that many boys (not all) go through.

When I read thread title I thought to myself ' bet her ds is 8/9 years'

Normal. Don't worry. He needs to learn to drop that American accent tho!

My 2 army barmy cadets have just started handling and learning about real guns. Ds is 13 and not strong enough yet, but his older sister got top marks for her target practice. Using live rounds!! I wasn't prepared for that bit, but believe me, they have blisters and callouses from using them and have lost their appeal somewhat!

Younger ds is 9 and remains fascinated by it all though, as does baby ds who is almost 4.

YABU. There is a similar thread in Parenting.

As a teenager I collected replica guns. While other kids were reading car magazines I was reading US publications like Guns & Ammo. I couldn't understand why my mate was so into his Ford XR3. It was a Ford for Gawds Sake. He belonged to a club and every few months he would attend a club meeting which consist of parking your Ford and lifting up your bonnet. Members would then walk around inspecting each other's Fords.

Its natural to have obssessions. Brit culture tells us that it is ok to be obsessed with cars, trains, stamps, planes, boats but not with guns. Children have been playing with toy guns for decades. Thankfully, Dunblame, Hungerford, Columbine are relatively rare but it has made modern day parents attach too much importance to toy guns. A boy playing with a Barbie doll isn't going to turn gay so why do parents think that playing with guns will turn DS into gunloon?

As for wanting to be a soldier, at the age of 8 my DS wanted to be a soldier. He then saw a CNN report of what was happening in Iraq and now he wants to be a games developer.

Considering my exh was in the forces I was very anti gun, and would not buy guns. They made them out of pegs and even plasticine (desperation). They even told me it wasn't real. Boys will do this - it's totally normal. They then had water pistols, and even paint guns (grr-brother!!).

Do you know anyone who shoots? When ds is older, if he still has the interest then maybe he could go out with them or join a local shooting club. I used to love going shooting with Sea Cadets and haven't been out for years. My family shoot although I don't go out with DF very often as he likes to shoot animals (pest control on his friend's farm and a very low success rate but still) and I refuse to go with him when he does. I have only ever shot paper targets, cans etc and it is good fun. I've never had any yearnings to be in the forces, I like to think for myself rather than blindly following orders so not my thing. I've only ever shot .22 rifles, my wimpy arms can't cope with the shotgun :o

I used to work with someone who was on the county team. She used to travel all over the place for competitions and if you are good enough you could end up competing in the Olympics :)

I tried to 'ban' guns. I didn't work and my compromise was that I didn't actually buy them for ds myself but ds could spend birthday money on guns himself - which he did!

He is 10 now and has seemed to have grown out of it which I never thought would happen.

Oh, they grew up to be in shooting teams in cadets, and know to respect weapons more than most people.

I've never had any yearnings to be in the forces, I like to think for myself rather than blindly following orders so not my thing.

My mate's SAS Trooper brother might have something to say about not being able to think for himself :o Why do some people need to put other people down in order to feel good about themselves. You like to think for your self. We get that but why you feel a need to denigrate people who are risking their lives so that you can have the freedom to think for yourself?

Jeeze. This is getting heavy and serious. Need coffee. Maybe the bosss won't notice if I switch over to a gadget shopping website.

I only speak from my experience. The people I know in the forces have very much been the unthinking follower type so that colours my judgement. Also when in Cadets we sometimes did things with the Navy which also helped to give me this view.

My brother was obsessed with guns at that age too, and he's grown up to be the gentlest person imaginable with no interest in fighting or weaponry. I wouldn't worry too much.

I would say it is perfectly normal behaviour for a boy that age. I grew up with boys and they were all obsessed with playing war, solidiers, and army at that age. Not one of them has gone on to be in the army as a career.

My stepson was also very much the same, he did join the army cadets as a young teen, but he didnt go on to be in the forces either.

jenfraggle Sadly you didn't learn much in sea cadets - doubt you'd be any good in any of the forces. Maybe that's your beef. With a varied and lifelong link to the forces I can vouch for the fact that the people serving you have met being unthinking follower types maybe says more about your social circle than the forces. Of course there may be a few of that type, as in civilian life, but on the whole they're no use in the situations that the forces find themselves in.

YABU, it's perfectly normal. Please don't tell him that if he joins the Army he'll have to kill people!

I've never had any yearnings to be in the forces, I like to think for myself rather than blindly following orders so not my thing

I've never blindly followed orders in my life - these days soldiers are encouraged to question, and to provide different solutions if they are not satisfied with what they have. I've never met an 'unthinking follower' - I've met lots who know that they dont know enough or dont understand the bigger picture so are happy to follow those that do....maybe that is what you mean.

OP - my DNephews were gun obsessed and were 8/9 at the height of the Iraq 2003 Ground War. On our return we visited them and gave them some (harmless) souveniers...DN2's first question to DH was "How many did you kill" and DN1 wanted to know if the helmet we had bought him "had a dead head in it?"

Both were adamant they were joining the Army as soon as they were old enough.

One is currently doing a degree in Sports Journalism and the other is an apprentice builder.

Conversely - I wanted to be journalist (Kate Adie was my hero), but am now in my 21st year as a soldier . I don't think I ever played with guns - but I'm a bloody good shot now!

Sounds normal to me. I'm a bit confused why people seem to think its ok to play knights (with swords) or pirates (with cannons) but guns are something horrible. Children have pretended to be cowboys for years and used guns, but anything gun related now seems to be frowned on. Most boys I know are in to guns, regardless of how many they own, if they've watched violent films or not.

As for being worried he talks about the army, I think that is a good thing, I'd be worried if my son said he wanted to grow up to be a gangster or drug dealer, not if he wanted to be a soldier.

Of course it normal for young boys to obsess over war and weapons with which to kill people - if you live in a patriarchal society which idealizes violent men via movies, games and real wars. I find it extremely troubling.

I don't know when and how we draw the line for violent play but I know that boys are really getting the message over and over again that violence = fun and manly. Just look at Lego commercials now and then:

My sister banned her ds from having guns as she very anti-violent. He now plays violent video games instead.

I've been on many a peace march as has my dh (not hippies btw) and I was opposed to the Iraq war much like everyone else. My brother was in the army and has severe PTSD after finding his best mate hung one Christmas eve, seeing friends blown up at roadside barricades and watching as a policeman was blown to smithereens to claps and jeers from the crowd watching.

My ds is a gentle sensitive little boy but likes to act out gun battles as I've said and has acquired guns. We're realistic enough to know that if we ban them he'll only use sticks. I don't want him to be a soldier and tbh I don't think he ever will, but all little boys say they want to be a fireman/soldier/digger driver etc, it doesn't mean that is what they will end up doing. I wanted to be a vet. I'm not. Ho hum.

sonic - it sounds like you are worried that DC will develop a penchant for blowing up Lego men after watching those commercials :o

Why do modern parents obsess so much about these things? It like being forum full of Woody Allens.