Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some kind of routine in my life

10 replies

jan2011 · 06/02/2012 20:22

new baby. new degree course for dh, new work hours for dh, these change on a continual basis, plus the fact of him being off loads at christmas and then just getting used to him being away again. escaping to mums for a week here and there as was thinking of separating but came home as we agreed to work things out. tonight dh comes in again, asks what my plans are for the week, drops another schedule on me (his course hours have changed again) and can't understand why im upset.
i know i ambu. i am a person who NEEDS some kind of routine....i try to keep this up for baby and me despite what is going on with him but this is virtually impossible. it is just so so hard getting used to constant change. is it such a bad thing to just want some consistency to life?? to just want some normal i know he will be out 9 - 5 i know we will doing something thursday nights i know he will be at football or whatever saturday. but everything is everywhere allll the time! yes i ambu but i just find this so so hard its not his fault but he shouldn't get annoyed that im not exactly all happy about his new hours argh.

OP posts:
Original poster
jan2011 · 06/02/2012 20:23

i mean i wish i knew he would be out 9 - 5 etc...

OP posts:
poinsetta · 06/02/2012 21:05

Were you always so different or has it only bothered you since you had a baby? I guess the only thing you can do is try and find a compromise...ask him to stick to things he can stick to and only change those he can't control, like uni hours.

squeakytoy · 06/02/2012 21:22

It isnt HIS fault though. So you are being unreasonable to blame him.

You can still organise your own day, and he can fit in with you.

My husbands job changes by the hour lately, never mind the day or week.

This morning he was going to be working locally all week.. by 1pm he was home, packing a bag, and off to Wales for the week... spoke to him an hour ago, and he "might be home tomorrow.. might be in Devon"..

AngryFeet · 06/02/2012 21:23

My DH has always had changing hours - certainly never 9-5. Yes it was hard sometimes with a new baby but he was working hard to earn so we could affordcfor me to stay home so I knew to complain would be unfair and put extra pressure on. If things ever get to the point where I am unhappy he will leave earlier for a few weeks so we can spend more time together as a family in the evenings but this is not sustainable as he gets so tired.

So I base my routine during the week on me and the kids and don't factor him in. He is great at the weekends with the kids and housework. I also go out one evening every two weeks while he stays home to get a break.

It must be hard for you will a new baby but I am sure he is trying his best. Try and talk to him without accusing him (unless he is actually being rubbish and spending lots of time in the pub etc in which case give him a good telling off!)

AngryFeet · 06/02/2012 21:24

Why were you thinking about separating?

1111211331 · 06/02/2012 21:26

Are you sure you want a routine and that'll fix it all? The overall tone of what you wrote just made me think you sound really unhappy. Could be something to do with your relationship, could be PND, could be something else? Hope you feel better soon though.

mrspepperpotty · 06/02/2012 21:34

Would it help if you knew a week or so in advance, and is your DH able to tell you this? So for example you could sit down with him on a Friday night and discuss the week ahead - what are his working hours likely to be, study plans, does he have any other plans (eg night out)? I'd prefer that to just finding out day to day.

It does sound like YAB a little U to be so annoyed with him.

Original poster
jan2011 · 07/02/2012 07:37

ah thanks.... yes there are multiple issues going on with us at the minute, all have which contributed to how i am feeling and my need for some kind of stability in my life at the minute. i do have some form of depression although i wouldn't define it as pnd its more as a result of relationship problems... we are getting counselling for it. i haven't blamed him ive just told him im upset about it. yes thanks for all those suggestions it will really help - like sitting down the week before and planning things - thats what i like to do and try to do, i didn't anticipate it being sprung on me last night. it seems added pressure. 'he can fit in with you' is an excellent if things worked like this... if i had my own routine going this would be great. its just i have planned things and now that he is now available at certain times and wants to do things i will have to change those plans and its frustrating. but we will get there...we just need to sit down with his new plan and sort things out... in time i will deal better with spontenity (sp) but at the minute with everything else going on it IS hard thanks for replies good insight and very helpful for me :)

OP posts:
Original poster
jan2011 · 07/02/2012 07:41

squeakytoy how do you find the changes with your husbands work? have you got yourself and your household into the swing of things that it doesn't affect you too much and are you happy with it, when he is at home is he there a lot and do you argue as one minute he is there a lot and the next he is never there or is that not an issue (lol) :)

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2012 07:46

But you don't have to change your plans just because he becomes available (if I'm reading your post right). I also have a DH who works away a lot and whose plans change at the drop of a hat.

I plan my life, and he fits in with me as and when he can.

Do you have friends and family that you see, or who can give you a break sometimes?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread