to want to talk about this? (sex question)

[dappply]

have namechanged as i don't want myself or DH to be recognised, am embaressed.

Been with DH 6 years, 3 year old DD and am 6 months pregnant. When I was pregnant with DD we carried on having sex until her birth, and he didn't seem to find me less attractive.

Admittedly this time round I'm a stone heavier, but I don't actually feel hugely different physically. However he hasn't iniated sex in months, which I've been trying not to worry about as he does have a history of being lazy like that. But then the last couple of times he's been unreluctant and I've felt like it was all me. Last weekend when we had sex he didn't come, said that he was "too asleep" to come. And then this morning he lost his erection twice while we were having sex :-(

I was upset as this hasn't happened before ever. I want to talk about it, to find out what's wrong, whether there's anything bothering him, something he's stressed about or that he doesn't find me attractive. and i feel paranoid now too. But he says he's fine. It's no big issue for him, and that in asking him about it I'm either "being insensitive, or pushing him to be insensitive"

He is busy at work, has recently had a promotion and is also worried about money. so maybe it's nothing to do with my pregnancy But according to him, he's fine and not stressed or worried.

aibu to press him to talk?

Supposing it was the weight... do you think your DH trusts you to be able to handle an honest answer? Would you be able to deal with it, or would you feel devastated, depressed, and thus DH finds himself with even more problems to deal with?

If he doesn't think you're strong enough to handle an honest answer, there's a good chance he won't give you one (and will lie until blue in the face) simply to escape the drama.

That said, it could equally be anything else.

Would it really be the weight though? My girlfriend put on 2 and a half stone over 18 months and I neither noticed or cared when she told me.

I don't think that really enters onto most.men's radar.

Everyone has their limit. Most would find their partner vastly less attractive if they put on 200 pounds, but not notice if they put on 5. What about 20? 40? No matter how politically correct you try to be, somewhere along the line it does matter, it's just a matter of where.

It's impossible to know where this guy's limit is before he starts finding he less attractive. Maybe it's a stone. Maybe it's not.

he knows i'm sensitive about my weight definately. I was trying to lose weight when we got pregnant again.

Managed to get some answers out of him. He says that he is worried about money abit with the new baby coming along, and that he's not as comfortable with sex when I'm pregnant, although respects that I want a sex life still so tries to not let it bother him.

All things I can't really do anything about.