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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really shocked at this?

53 replies

OtherWayMrCollins · 06/02/2012 16:09

A male friend who is seemingly happily married with a DS, has regular snogging sessions, groping and oral sex with a colleague. He seems to think there's nothing wrong with it and that most other guys would do the same if it were offered! I am so shocked. It has totally changed my opinion of this guy. Are men all just insensitive, horny bastards?

OP posts:
Original poster
OtherWayMrCollins · 06/02/2012 16:21

He's been a friend since school so I obvioulsy know his wife too. We don't really socialise with them so don't know her so well. I don't know the jobber at all! I think I'm so shocked because it never occured to me that he would do this which is why I'm now questioing other men.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 06/02/2012 16:23

Grin @ 'the jobber'

Whatmeworry · 06/02/2012 16:24

All men are cunts, the sooner you learn this the better.

Whereas the woman sucking him off is an angel of virtue? These sort of things take 2 (or more) to tango.

suburbophobe · 06/02/2012 16:26

Why was he telling you this? Not worried that it will get around? Not saying you, but almost sounds like he's boasting about it. Did he tell you if the wife knew about it?

Lots of players out there, sadly.

Always make me wonder about the women in these scenarios Hmm

toddlerama · 06/02/2012 16:26

Obviously I don't know for sure that I don't know any men like this, but I sure as hell don't know any who would try to justify it! So in terms of the crass, flagrant disrespect he is showing, I can say YANBU to be shocked and all men are most certainly not 'like that'.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2012 16:28

What does this particular fuckwit have to do with other men?

People are individuals, they make individual choices.

It's got nothing to do with other men or women's choices.

Agincourt · 06/02/2012 16:28

honestly after working in the retail sector this doesn't suprise me at all Confused I think as long as each partner is happy with whatever arrangement suits them then I don't think it's anyone elses business. Monogamy works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone and I completely respect that.

ViviPru · 06/02/2012 16:28

When I read posts like that, Whatme, I seem to have an inbuilt mechanism that makes me assume the poster is just attempting to be ironic, or make the OP feel silly about their opinion.

I've only just acknowledged I do this when you picked up on it. Perhaps its some kind of coping mechanism Confused

suburbophobe · 06/02/2012 16:28

...talking about the women who knowingly have an affair with a married man....

Malificence · 06/02/2012 16:29

Yes, all men are like this, it's genetics you see, they can't help it, the poor dumb animals, DH often comes home extra tired because he's screwed the HR manager over her desk, I just smile benignly and pat his head, all that testosterone you see, if they don't get sex the minute a woman so much as smiles at them, their balls spontaneously combust, I thought everyone knew that .

Have a Biscuit , in fact have several. Hmm

Anniegetyourgun · 06/02/2012 16:31

To be fair, the OP didn't specify it was a female colleague providing the oral. If they were both blokes she now has twice the sample size to base the theory on.

wannaBe · 06/02/2012 16:32

"by DS, do you mean a Nintendo?" pmsl. Grin

Tbh I am always a bit Hmm at the blanket statements that "all men" or that "men behave in this way" etc. I think it's worth remembering here that for every cheating man, there is a woman (assuming he's not cheating with another man). so I think it's unfair to lay all the blame here on men...

suburbophobe · 06/02/2012 16:33

I also respect that monogamy doesn't work for everyone and that's o.k.

The fact is you have to be truthful about it, if you want an open relationship or polyamory, be upfront about it from the start.

Whatmeworry · 06/02/2012 16:36

I've only just acknowledged I do this when you picked up on it. Perhaps its some kind of coping mechanism

You are a better person than me!

I have found irony to be very rare on MN :)

zipzap · 06/02/2012 16:37

Maybe he is trying to draw you in to provide him with similar services...

patsdeadfrank · 06/02/2012 16:38

that depends, on whether its ok with in the bounds of their relationship to do this it was ok for me and my husband to snog other people. if his wife doesnt know then obviously its wrong. but have to say your statement at the end are all men....woman have been known to cheat too.

Agincourt · 06/02/2012 16:43

:o @ Anniegetyourgun

cheekyseamonkey · 06/02/2012 16:46

Worra, I love you, just a little! :)

Not ALL men are guided by their cocks & are bastards. Some are,& some women are insecure bints who shag anything that offers to bolster their low self esteem. Some people are shits others are not. Gender is irrelevant.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2012 16:50

Seamonkey Grin

ClaraSage · 06/02/2012 16:51

So he is having a bit of 'how's yer father' with a colleague and telling you about it. Wow! His poor wife is doubly betrayed!

Ladyface · 06/02/2012 17:59

Agincourt, I totally agree about the retail industry. Every company I've ever worked in has had affairs going on all over the place. It is a very incestuous business!

ninkynonkpinkyponk01 · 20/02/2012 12:57

The bloke sounds like a right c u next Tuesday! The sad thing is, he will prob end up developing cock rot from his extra marital activities, then pass on some horrible infection to his poor unsuspecting wife! How can his wife not know if she is in the same office! Thought all of us women were supposed to be experts at reading body languages, and have built in lie detectors! :-s

nobodyspecial · 20/02/2012 13:01

Yuck. No most men aren't like that, and with a COLLEAGUE?! What does the manager say about this? Surely relationships at work are not allowed?

NorthernWreck · 20/02/2012 13:06

For some reason I assumed it was him providing the oral?

It's like that test to see if you are an optimist or a pessimist. Clearly I am an optimist!

AfterDinner · 20/02/2012 13:27

Oh look another MN sexist thread where a women shouts

"ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS" based on the actions of one individual (and conveniently without thought to the actions of the woman involved).

To think there is another thread where whether others are genuinely and seriously trying to suggest that misandry does not exist...

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