Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to not let DD go out to her friends when she hasnt gone to school?

39 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/02/2012 11:14

she is 14 years old and upstairs throwing a teenage paddy....

She hates me and doesnt want to see me - so there! my crime?

she did not go to school this morning saying the buses are unreliable in the snow and that none of her friends were going (which is true - some of her pals have stayed home because the buses are unreliable in this weather) the school is 8 miles away.
now while i wasnt happy with this i was too tired to argue (came off nights - driving conditions around her were pretty terrible and i agreed to her staying off)
she has just presented herself in full make up, clothed for the weather (scarf on, coat on, etc) saying she was going to her friends up the road.
ive said NO!!
ive said if she isnt at school she isnt wandering the streets! or going to friends!
ive rung the school and they are open and they said that yes, the buses were all late but they got there in the end...
so AIBU to a)stop her going out today and b) make her go tomorrow - snow or no snow?

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/02/2012 12:05

"she did not go to school this morning saying the buses are unreliable in the snow and that none of her friends were going"
Not a good enough reason for not going to school IMO. How unreliable is unreliable? Roads blocked and no chance of making it = stay at home. Driving slowly and getting there late = go to school.

I would insist on schoolwork being done today too. There should be no 'reward' for dogging off.

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 12:09

If she didn't go because of the buses, I can't see on earth why she shouldn't go out to meet her friends..?!

One thing has nothing to do with the other.

forehead · 06/02/2012 12:13

OP, you did the right thing by not allowing your dd to go to her friend's house. I would have sent my dc's to school tbh, but now that she is at home she should be doing some schoolwork.
If she wants to mope that's her problem, ignore her.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 06/02/2012 12:16

Your DD told you she wasn't going to school? Who exactly is the parent here?

You are trying to lock the stable door after the horse has bolted. IMO you should have said "no" when your DD said she wasn't going to school. Irrespective of whether her friends are off or not, she should have attempted to attend school, and as her parent, you should have made sure she tried to get there. She would have been late, yes, but there never the less. Possibly a call to the school in the morning to see if they were open (before permitting your DD to take an absence) would have been sensible.

I must say, I can see where your DD's apathy comes from:

"while i wasnt happy with this i was too tired to argue" and " i have had enough of driving in this ice/snow and now im on my days off i intend on going nowhere"

Her lack of motivation seems inherited.

If the buses were cancelled, you could have driven her. If the school was closed, then that is out of your and her control in which case a day out with her friends sounds like the perfect way to spend a snow day.

Mrsgradgrind · 06/02/2012 12:20

If she didn't go because of the buses, I can't see on earth why she shouldn't go out to meet her friends..?!

One thing has nothing to do with the other"

They are linked - effectively she and her friends are truanting and shouldn't be rewarded for doing so. Unfortunately her mother allowed her to truant in the first place, but that doesn't make it right for the child to play out in school hours

Hullygully · 06/02/2012 12:25

Oh just beat everyone and have done

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/02/2012 12:33

Well she is going tomorrow, she genuinely thought the bus wouldn't run and seemed shocked when I told her it had run, but was just late. We are fine now. Kissed and made up, she isn't going out though. This wasn't an official snow day, but I have phoned school and been totally honest with them. She is going tomorrow. I have spent 2 nights risking life and limb in this weather, I did think DD was justified tbh in not going but seeing that all but 1 bus got through she is going tomorrow. It has been v bad here.

OP posts:

seeker · 06/02/2012 12:34

I would have checked th buses myself- but hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/02/2012 12:38

at my apathy.... That's funny, no really.... if I told you what my last 2 nights entailed .... But if u prefer to think I'm lazy and apathetic go for it!

OP posts:

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 06/02/2012 12:43

I most certainly did not say or imply you being lazy. I am voicing my surprise that you felt the need to be authoritative over how she spends a day off when you were the opposite with regards to her education.

fortifiedwithtea · 06/02/2012 12:49

I'ld have let her see her friend.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/02/2012 13:16

quote from candle...

"I must say, I can see where your DD's apathy comes from:"

and i must say that you are rather cheeky to make assumptions like that - I have spent my last 2 night shifts answering 999 calls as a response officer, i have grappled and disarmed a man with a knife, i have seen several accidents attributed to the weather - yes i was tired, yes i was wary of DD going out in this weather, but i would not usually refer to myself as apathetic, and my children are really ok without your concern for their educational welfare.

DD is fine. She is fine with my decision, we have talked, my DH was left to it this morning and he assumed i had been ok with it all including the going to her friends - both he and dd have been put straight and all is well in the tutu household. peace now reigns. DD is in her pjs and is eating cheese on toast, we have had a cuddle, she is going tomorrow, if i had been able to drive her this AM i would have, but i had to sleep, she is going tomorrow, and im off tomorrow so if need be i can take her.

so i was probably unreasonable to allow her to stay off in the first place, but its done now.

OP posts:

PostBellumBugsy · 06/02/2012 13:34

vicar, well done you for sticking to your guns with your DD, but I'm glad you've made up now too.
Hats off to you as well for your last 2 night shifts - that is way more than I could cope with!

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/02/2012 13:45

i hate weekend nights....i did fri and sat, so came off nights sunday morning, scary long drive home - i was home last night but fell asleep for a few hours in the morning then couldnt get off night mode last night...as DH was at home this morning i had left him to it - seems that was my first mistake! I was too tired though....i need to find a way of dealing with nights better, i am always wiped out.

anyway - its sorted. I probably didnt handle this very well admitedly, lesson learnt but DD has accepted what i said and why i said it. She is ok when out of paddy mode!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread