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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it would be pointless accepting this job?

67 replies

hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:02

I hate my current job, have a new manager who plainly dislikes me, and every day is a huge effort to come in and sit at my desk. I am totally demotivated and demoralised.

I have now in principle been offered another job. On paper it is my ideal role, allowing me to do all the stuff I enjoy in my current role, and a lot more besides. It would offer autonomy, career progression, and a decent salary increase of about 10-15%.

The downside is the office I'd be required to work in is 15 miles from where I live, not on a public transport route and I can't drive.

I've tried to work out if I could somehow get there by train/bus but it would be pretty much unworkable. I've tried the liftsharing websites but no-one does this journey or anything close to it.

I actually feel like crying. Re driving myself, I have had 3 tests many years ago, failed them all spectacularly. I tried again about 5 years ago, had loads of lessons but was nowhere near taking a test, couldn't even pass my theory.

There's not really any point in me pursuing this job any further is there? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:25

The thought of riding a moped is bringing me out in a cold sweat, I dont have a lot of balance (I can ride a bike, but have never been able to ride with one hand or anything, I cling on to it like grim death). If it's the only option I might have to give it some thought, but would be terrified of falling off.

Maybe I need a quad bike? :) (I must be feeling better about this to have maanged a smile!)

The tales of other people's struggles with driving are helping btw - everyone I know in RL passed first time as a teenager and don't understand the problem!

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:26

managed

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiiLand · 06/02/2012 11:26

Iwould also investigate a taxi as a short term measure. yes it will be expensive but also you can look at it as an investment into your future. 3 months in a taxi until you pass your test. Yes it will cost an arm and a leg but it will be so worth it in the end. It is worth that sacrifice, I think.

Charlotteperkins · 06/02/2012 11:27

move house?

a long term regular taxi fare will be much cheaper than a one off journey btw

Charlotteperkins · 06/02/2012 11:27

have you got a friend/relative who could drive you?

EnjoyResponsibly · 06/02/2012 11:27

Could any of the work be done at home? They might be very impressed at the interview if you could go in with a viable suggestion, whereby you only need to physically go in say once a week.

OffMeTrolley · 06/02/2012 11:28

Electric bike?

GetOrfMoiiLand · 06/02/2012 11:28

I didn't pass until I was 30 - I passed first time, but I had driving lessons for years and years. I used to get into a real panic and cry my eyes out and feel sick at the thought of driving. I genuinelt thought that I would never, ever drive, was resigned to always having to get the bus or walking miles.

The feeling of liberation I felt when I passed was wonderful. I drive anywhere now, now nerves. It just clicked one day.

You will pass in the end - believe in yourself. If you get this job it will also be such a confidence boost, and you will have the best incentive to pass your test.

Good luck.

SarkyWench · 06/02/2012 11:28

Is there a public transport route that covers any of the route?

If so, you could get a folding bicycle and cycle the bits on either end IYSWIM.

OffMeTrolley · 06/02/2012 11:30

You never know, once you get there, someone might work there who you could share with

LaurieFairyCake · 06/02/2012 11:31

You can get 3 wheeler electric bikes - so that would fix any balance issues.

handbagCrab · 06/02/2012 11:32

Right hatesponge. You're unhappy in your job. You have an amazing opportunity to be happy in a new job. Only thing standing in your way is a 15 mile commute. From what you've said you could do bus/train/taxi and it would take you just over an hour. Moped idea is a good one. Why can't you do that? Do you know someone that can drive that would like a bit of cash taking you to work and back every day?

I think being happy would offset the longer commute. You need to find a way around it. I'm getting a feeling of fear and resignation that you think you'll never be able to drive. Either you need to tackle this fear or find another way, thinking long term.

Go for it! And good luck :)

Original poster
hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:32

getorf you saying go for the job & don't worry about the journey is v much what I would normally do. I took a previous job without any idea how I'd get there (that was the job where I used a taxi - that was to a connecting station, then rest of journey by train as my local station not on same line). And I've taken 2 jobs when my DC were smaller without any childcare arranged on the basis I would just sort it out by the time I started work (and it all worked out somehow!)

I am on 3 months notice in my current job (and they rarely let anyone at my level leave earlier than the 3) so I would have time to at least start learning...have just resigned myself to never being able to drive I think. Which is silly isnt it?

OP posts:
lesley33 · 06/02/2012 11:35

It isn't silly - I felt the same. But after many years I did finally pass. I'm sure you can too

FetchezLaVache · 06/02/2012 11:36

The folding bike (with taxi option on really cold/wet days is a good idea, as is trying to arrange a lift share with a new colleague. All of these could be temporary measures while you learn to drive. I bet the motivation of getting to your new job helps massively! You can't let what sounds like the perfect job for you pass you by when you're so unhappy where you are at the moment.

Babieseverywhere · 06/02/2012 11:36

What about trying a moped for such a short journey ? Would a bike license be easier for you to get ?

Here are the Moped guidelines

lesley33 · 06/02/2012 11:36

I was so bad when learning to drive even my very supportive DP once said - You're not a natural driver are you?

Original poster
hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:36

I do have the fear about driving. Just thinking about it now makes me teary. I am (apparently) quite an intelligent person, a qualified lawyer, lone parent. And yet driving is my absolute bete noire, I've arranged my whole adult life around not being able to drive because I think I never will.

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 06/02/2012 11:39

lesley33 everyone I know says I am not a natural driver! The exception was my lovely ex-BF a few years back who said I was a brilliant driver - I drove 30 miles (albeit very slowly/cautiously) with L plates under his encouragement :)

OP posts:
maybenow · 06/02/2012 11:41

if you're a lawyer there is NO REASON whatsoever why you can't pass the theory part of the driving test first. Think of all the exams you've passed in your life!!!

get that sorted first, approach it like a legal final.

then you can hopefully approach the practical with more confidence (i understand the fear of the practical, i really do, but you just have to control the panic and concentrate on being safe and controlled and not allowing anybody to bully you on the road).

Capricorn76 · 06/02/2012 11:41

OP please try taking your driving test again. It took me 5 attempts and I actually believe they passed me because they felt sorry for me in the end. I spent a fortune and part of the problem was that I'd get so upset about failing a test that I'd give up and wait ages before doing the next one and lose all my skills but I did it in the end. Don't give up. If I can pass, anybody can!!

Failing that, get a moped (I had one and you only had to do a day's training) or cycle to work. Or get a cab (if you can afford it).

maddening · 06/02/2012 11:42

could you move closer?

Lilaclion · 06/02/2012 11:44

Were you just offered this job or did you apply for it? I don't really understand why you would create this problem for yourself by going for a job that you can't get to?

GetOrfMoiiLand · 06/02/2012 11:50

Where do you live? I will drive you Grin

Your last post makes me think you really should go for this - like you say you have done it before, taken a massive leap and sorted things out afterwards. What's to say that it won't all fall into place again.

Even if it costs you a small fortune in taxis or whatever I would go for it.

It is really good that you have a 3 month notice period. That is really helpful. And if you say pay for a cab for 3 months - that gives you 6 months to sort it. That is really achievable.

Plus - do you have any leave left? Perhaps take a week and go on one of those intensive courses.

It can be done - you can do it. I was a complete lunchpacket about driving - if I could pass my test, anyone can. I don't think there is such a thing as a natural driver - I think the world is split between those who don't get nervous about it, and people like us who find it incredibly panicky. Once you learn to get rid of the panic you will find you are as competent technically as anyone.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 06/02/2012 11:57
  • Definitely try the automatic again. There must be special courses for people who have failed loads of times.
  • Can you get hypnosis or something to stop you panicking?
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