To sometimes wonder-is this it?

[MrsHeffley]

42 and 3 kids who I adore.

I know I am blessed but at the moment all I can see is mortgage payments,the teenage years ahead,kids exams,kids going off to uni or moving out(if we're lucky),kids travelling and living the life I had once had.

What happened to me and my life?Starting to think I'll only pick it up again when I'm in my 70s and too old and knackered to live life for me.Also beginning to regret all I didn't do.

No I'm not depressed,just wondering if I'm the only one and if all mums feel like this and if you don't I'd be very interested in hearing why and would welcome a virtual kick up the backside.

Also children have to come first generally. So of course its more important to ensure that they are well fed, clothed, feel loved, etc. But this does not mean that children need to come first every hour of the day. Its perfectly fine for a relative for example to watch your kids while you go to a free gig in a pub. You are allowed to have a life outside your kids you know.

Your mistake is 'you are worrying about tomorrow'.

If you are worrying about tomorrow, you must have a pretty blessed life today.

One day I said 'oh my life is really boring, nothing dramatic ever happens'. 3 hours later I watched my MIL who was my only support die, after being well the day before.

I know exactly how you feel, but to me its helpful to reimagine what it means to get older. I'm 40, with a toddler. I'll be mid fifties before I can really get back to my own self indulgent ways. But that's ok - I look forward to being a very self indulgent 55 year old, having heaps of fun!

Be honest, I bet when you were a teenager you though everybody over 25 was ancient. Yet now you still feel young. What does that tell you? You will always feel young. There isn't a golden time, life is what you make it.

I know I'm different as my idea of travel bliss is a train journey and two nights in the premier inn, so I can have that already if I really want it.

It's all still there, and its waiting for you when you're ready.

I think many many women get into the habit of putting their own needs and desires very low on the list of familial priorities.

It's particularly hard when society (and other women) tell us that we should be content with our motherly role. When ever I hear someone saying how they just adore being at home baking and doing crafts with their DC I get very angry. If they are doing exactly what makes them content in life, don't they have enough empathy to see that other women deserve the same? Or do they think there is only one route to happiness?

So, op, you need to accept that you are bored and unfullfilled by your current circumstances. This does not make you a bad person, or gasp, a bad mother.
Then when you've accepted this fact, you need to decide how you're going to make some changes. lesley has had some terrifc ideas.

What could you do to energise yourself? Would you like to write? How about joining a writing group. There are loads in RL and online if childcare is problematic.
There's a good section here to on MN that is full of we scribblers.

I want to go to New York,drive across the US,do my Masters,have a go at ski-ing,do the rest of the GK Islands,eat out,go tod gigs............I won't bore you with the rest it goes on forever.

OP I have a lot of similar dreams to you - I also want to go to NY, drive across the US from east coast to west coast, travel more in Europe, undertake more education, Retrain and/or work for myself rather than an employer, buy a house...the list goes on. I know what you mean about putting kids first and lack of finance - I'm a single parent of a 5yo, work pt and am constantly skint, so god knows how I'm meant to save up for these things.

Career-wise I want to either retrain or work for myself but have no idea doing what - I toy with a few options but nothing jumps out at me as either my ideal career or a good business idea. Sometimes I can't believe that I'm nearly 40 and still don't know what I want to do for a living.

None of this is helped by the fact that I'm 40 later this year and feel like achieved very little in life . I've been dissatisfied with my life for the past few years and know I need to change things but am just a bit stuck as to what to do, how to do it and how to pay for it. Will be watching this thread with interest but just wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you feel, OP.

I know how you feel SoftKitty-I am also a single parent of a five year old. Sometimes it's like being on one of those hamster wheels!

I think the key is thinking about what you really enjoy, rather than what you would like to imagine yourself doing iyswim.

I don't think any career is "ideal". It's probably more a question of homing in on something that you think you would be happy to work hard at, and then putting your plans into action.

I say this as someone who has had several careers, and has only realised in the last 5 years what I want to be when I grow up, and it was actually having my ds that clarified that for me, so in that respect I wish he had come along sooner!

Northern do you mind me asking what careers you've had so far and what it is that your DS helped you realise what you really want to do?

Pressed send too soon there.

I meant to carry on by saying it's hard for me to start looking at a career by homing in on what I enjoy because I don't even have any hobbies, saddo that I am . There are lots of things I quite fancy doing, but nothing particularly screams out at me, iyswim. I suppose I just don't know where to start with regard to changing my career.

Have PM'd you Soft Kitty so as not to hijack thread!