to be really frustrated with my father?

[TreacleSoda]

My father is elderly, late 70s and his health is failing. He had a heart attack a few years ago, he is diabetic, he has kidney problems.

Anyway, he seems to be in total denial about all these things. He refuses to check his blood sugar, he won't go to the doctor when he gets urinary infections etc. He now tells me that he thinks he has a chest infection, he has a cough and the pain in his chest is so bad that he thought he might have been having another heart attack. But when I suggest, you know, going to the doctor, all I get is 'you women, always nagging' or alternatively 'the NHS doesn't need people running to the Dr all the time, I've always been one for standing on my own two feet' etc. He seems to genuinely think he is doing the NHS a favour, and is conveniently forgetting the fact that if he ends up seriously ill and in intensive care, which is entirely possible, he will cost them a fortune, so his argument doesn't even stack up.

I just find it so infuriating, it makes me quite angry really. I know he is an adult, I know I can't force medical treatment on him, but really, who wants to see an intelligent person self destruct like this? I don't want his last few years to be ones of miserable ill health, there is plenty he can do to alleviate things, but he just won't. Arrrggh.

Not saying that this IS the case, don't want to add to your worries, but my lovely GM developed diabetes, she started getting defensive & a wee bit aggressive about controlling diet, checking sugar etc. In the end it turned out to be the start of vascular dementia, caused by unidentified, then poorly controlled diabetes. Obviously a bit of a spiral.

Good luck.

Ah, I sympathise, my parents are both like this. It's like a competition on who can avoid the doctors the longest. They both complain of chest pain (DF has angina, DM has family history of heart problems). DM regularly tells me that she thinks DF is diabetic, yet if I dare to suggest a visit to the GP I get all the "doctors are for sick people" etc comments.

I've given up, when they moan about their ailments I just nod sympathetically. You can't help someone who won't help themself unfortunately.

Can you ring up the district nurses and ask them to come and see your father, they do house visits.

I think there is an element of him being afraid that they might 'find something serious'. As if diabetes, heart and kidney problems aren't serious themselves . But he did watch his brother die of a horrible prolonged illness, and I think my dad would honestly rather develop pneumonia and be gone within a few days than have a terminal illness diagnosed, if that makes sense.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

And the vascular dementia thing......I'd be more worried about my mum having this actually, she is diabetic too, and whilst she tries much harder than dad to control it, she is not very successful and she does occasionally show worrying signs that might be the onset of dementia.

Its ironic, I count my blessings that my parents have lived to a ripe old age, but at the same time its awful to see them go downhill.